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reader · 11-07-2007, 07:52 PM

Prayers being sent ur way. I hope u get assistance and can keep on your meds. I have been extremely low myself but I am so glad your through the worst of it. :ghug

reader · 11-08-2007, 08:53 PM

Tena, how are u doing. Just thinking of u.

historyteach · 11-09-2007, 01:58 AM

(((Live)))
Sorry I just saw this...
Hope you're feeling better by now. It's a shame that it got to this point because you couldn't afford meds! I pray the assistance comes through for you soon! And that you are feeing well.

Shalom!

liveweyerd · 11-11-2007, 10:40 AM

Thank you all so much!

I am still very depressed, but the suicidal thinking has stopped. I had never gotten that sick before.
It will take time for my meds to kick in.

Also what I thought was symptoms of menopause needs to be checked out. I bled so much too often that my blood pressure dropped too low. I am to make an appmt for an endometrial biopsy. That doesn't worry me though.

hugs to all.......I got to talk to my mom last night, but have called sis and daughter this morning and they don't answer. And a friend too. It's my fault for projecting being a total loner. Maybe daughter is mad at me?

shutterbug · 11-11-2007, 11:15 AM

Hi sis....sooooo sorry to hear you are going thru this crap. love you so very much. Are you still at same address in Florida for a bit longer?

shutterbug · 11-11-2007, 11:17 AM

i doubt they are mad at you...probably just not near phone or busy and didn't hear it or something. Remember that when we are depressed we awfulize everything...so try to remember there are other reasons they might not have answered other than maybe being upset with you (like perhaps they were sitting on the can

)

love you,
jenna

liveweyerd · 11-11-2007, 09:48 PM

Yep still here in Sebring.
Well I wouldn't blame daughter for being mad, since she lost her brother like that, but sis told me she is out of town.
So much went so wrong all at the same time, I have never felt so helpless.
I kind of miss the crazy ward where a few of us could make sick and morbid jokes about suicide and laugh ourselves silly. I made a great friend who lost her son to suicide 10 months ago and she attempted almost successfully, and we laughed and laughed and laughed about things no one sane would ever laugh about. That helped so much. It is such a HUSH word and we made jokes about it....that let alot out for us, to be with like kind who understands.

reader · 11-12-2007, 04:43 PM

We understand too and we are only click away. I isolate terrible when I am depressed, even by screening calls, when I can't deal with people. Just know we love ya, Kerry

liveweyerd · 11-12-2007, 06:25 PM

I am feeling emotionally better today. But physically weary, so went to appmt and errands dressed like a bag lady, then napped the day away but I really felt I needed the rest.
And yes, Kerry, I LIKE isolating.

The last time I was in the crazy ward their security was far stricter than this one, but we had to do our own laundry...I looked at my buddy there and said AHA....water and electricity!

shutterbug · 11-12-2007, 08:20 PM

Good gravy! water and electricity!!
i guess once you get it in your mind to go then you REALLY want to go.
i guess i'm glad i've not gotten to that place yet in my life, but i'm certain i will with this stupid progressive stuff.
not much to look forward to.

tena, i'm glad you met someone in there you could laugh so great with. i've made 2 friends or more in my day treatment program. i can't figure out which i'll still be friends with in a year's time, but i think it's the one i thought i initally didn't like too much. funny how that works. i think the other one is borderline personality disorder, ontop of the bipolar, because she gets so mad at people trying to help her b/c in her eyes it's not good enough or the "right" kind of help. i don't know, maybe it's just bipolar rage, but our therapist says borderline has a high co-morbidity rate with bipolar disorder. i hadn't realized that and don't remember reading it.

Anyway, there i go hi-jacking your thread now LOL

love you,
jenna

liveweyerd · 11-12-2007, 09:14 PM

Hijack me, might be the most fun I have had for awhile.
Ah...I wasn't even suicidal when I made that joke back in '93, it's just me to look at and analyze the system....where you are only given plastic utensils and can't touch a can of pop, they pour it into a safe container etc etc etc.
This last time I was the perfect cooperative patient until I started getting restless, then started playing pranks and seeing just what I could get by with. Which was alot...and I don't think I ever got caught. I posted the security code to get out the ward doors, palmed pills, hid a clock the night they were supposed to change the time, and stayed up late for the amusement of watching them discover it missing, but they never did!!! Everyone assumed some one else on the staff had taken it down! Security was horrible, I had all kinds of things smuggled into me and for my friends. Heck, we warned them one day that it was "Bug the staff day" LOL There was this special forces guy, smart as a whip, ornery and clever...so yeah we had fun. I am not supposed to contact them or they me, but I talk to a schizophrenic girl everyday...she calls me saying she is calling a family member and I got to talk to the military hero too. And we were all making dirty jokes. Who do they think is supplying the girl with all those phone numbers for dv shelter houses, talk lines, income based housing etc etc etc?????????????????? Oh, yeah, she hallucinated them!
No, Jenna....if I were to do something it would be most carefully planned. And the number 1 thing is that it cannot be identified as a suicide. When I was bleeding so profusely from female crap only hubby was clever enough to ask me if I had done it to myself.
At first they did a set of x-rays and found a nodule in my lung. I smiled. Shrink was joking with me that darn it is only a calcium deposit and I could will it like a marble to my daughter.
By Monday the day after I got out I was more in the mood for homicide with how badly they had screwed up everything about my discharge except for letting me out the doors!
I think the meds are starting to kick in. Good deal. Then what?

KatieRose · 11-14-2007, 06:22 PM

Praying for you.

liveweyerd · 11-15-2007, 04:57 PM

Ah, Actually we are approaching the anniversary of losing Eric, so I am going to be having a rough time until Thanksgiving is over and about a week after. This is the first year where instead of night terrors, I just can't stop crying.

KatieRose · 11-15-2007, 06:08 PM

Take all the time you need. i'm not going anywhere.

liveweyerd · 11-16-2007, 06:07 AM

Bless you Katie and Cindi! Hugs, Jenna!

reader · 11-16-2007, 12:33 PM

Oh Tena, I can't even imagine losing my son. You are stronger than me, I would have to be sent away forever. Just know that your son is watching over u and wanting the best for u. Take good care of yourself and try to focus on your own recovery. I just had my meds. upped today as the holidays are a bad time for me as well. One day at a time, one minute if needed. Be well, With love, Kerry

liveweyerd · 11-16-2007, 08:03 PM

Yep, my meds got upped and for the first time today I felt like getting out of my recliner. Did a very few house chores. VERY FEW.

I have always been curious about you Reader. I, too, am a biblophiliac. What do you read?

Katie Rose, your faithful and caring support is a great gift.

Yesterday I spent fantasizing re-mailing, that is it would be postmarked Montana, a
note that says MURDERER to ex-husband. But decided it would only hurt my daughter.

Watched one of my favorite all time movies "Amadeus" with hubs tonight. It pleased him so much to watch a movie with him.

My new friend from the ward and I are going to drop off a major care package to the psych unit we were in tomorrow. My first getting out that isn't a badly needed appmt.
I wouldn't do it by myself but with her I will. She was told she could visit, I was told I could not visit or deliver gifts. WTF?????? Pisses me right off.

How are you today Jenna? Guess I will need to check your journal.

Hugs!
Your care gives me strength and I hope it comes back to many times over!

reader · 11-17-2007, 06:44 AM

Hi, yes I love books, I am currently reading a great series by Marek Halter. For the most part, I read books that our set in all different parts of the world. I love to learn all I can about exotic countries and the books are historically based. Fiction yes, I like romance novels that are set in periods in history, quality stuff not harlequins or smut. Since I home school my son I am always reading educational text to. An obsession yes, thanks for asking, no one in my area seems to interested in continued learning. I hope I will be a sponge of knowledge to the day i die. What do u like to read? I think it is great that u are bring something to your new friends.

shutterbug · 11-17-2007, 11:38 AM

i'm not so good right now.
sorry to know you are going through much the same.
glad to see you are getting out though.
i'll update in my journal.
sorry for not being more active here lately.

liveweyerd · 11-18-2007, 08:57 AM

Social sciences & humanities and somtimes a bit of everything. Except romance.
Yes, you CAN travel the world in books, I love that!

reader · 11-18-2007, 10:58 AM

Yes, I love the social sciences too. In college, they were my favorite classes. How are u doing today, Tena?

11-07-2007, 07:52 PM	#1 (permalink)
reader Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: crownpoint newyork Posts: 803	Prayers being sent ur way. I hope u get assistance and can keep on your meds. I have been extremely low myself but I am so glad your through the worst of it. :ghug __________________ Kerry __________Don't Tread On Me______________________ To Thine Own Self Be True!!!!

11-08-2007, 08:53 PM	#2 (permalink)
reader Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: crownpoint newyork Posts: 803	Tena, how are u doing. Just thinking of u. __________________ Kerry __________Don't Tread On Me______________________ To Thine Own Self Be True!!!!

11-09-2007, 01:58 AM	#3 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,882	(((Live))) Sorry I just saw this... Hope you're feeling better by now. It's a shame that it got to this point because you couldn't afford meds! I pray the assistance comes through for you soon! And that you are feeing well. Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

11-11-2007, 10:40 AM	#4 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	Thank you all so much! I am still very depressed, but the suicidal thinking has stopped. I had never gotten that sick before. It will take time for my meds to kick in. Also what I thought was symptoms of menopause needs to be checked out. I bled so much too often that my blood pressure dropped too low. I am to make an appmt for an endometrial biopsy. That doesn't worry me though. hugs to all.......I got to talk to my mom last night, but have called sis and daughter this morning and they don't answer. And a friend too. It's my fault for projecting being a total loner. Maybe daughter is mad at me? __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

11-11-2007, 11:15 AM	#5 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,957	Hi sis....sooooo sorry to hear you are going thru this crap. love you so very much. Are you still at same address in Florida for a bit longer? __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).

11-11-2007, 11:17 AM	#6 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,957	i doubt they are mad at you...probably just not near phone or busy and didn't hear it or something. Remember that when we are depressed we awfulize everything...so try to remember there are other reasons they might not have answered other than maybe being upset with you (like perhaps they were sitting on the can ) love you, jenna __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).

11-11-2007, 09:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	Yep still here in Sebring. Well I wouldn't blame daughter for being mad, since she lost her brother like that, but sis told me she is out of town. So much went so wrong all at the same time, I have never felt so helpless. I kind of miss the crazy ward where a few of us could make sick and morbid jokes about suicide and laugh ourselves silly. I made a great friend who lost her son to suicide 10 months ago and she attempted almost successfully, and we laughed and laughed and laughed about things no one sane would ever laugh about. That helped so much. It is such a HUSH word and we made jokes about it....that let alot out for us, to be with like kind who understands. __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

11-12-2007, 04:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
reader Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: crownpoint newyork Posts: 803	We understand too and we are only click away. I isolate terrible when I am depressed, even by screening calls, when I can't deal with people. Just know we love ya, Kerry __________________ Kerry __________Don't Tread On Me______________________ To Thine Own Self Be True!!!!

11-12-2007, 06:25 PM	#9 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	I am feeling emotionally better today. But physically weary, so went to appmt and errands dressed like a bag lady, then napped the day away but I really felt I needed the rest. And yes, Kerry, I LIKE isolating. The last time I was in the crazy ward their security was far stricter than this one, but we had to do our own laundry...I looked at my buddy there and said AHA....water and electricity! __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

11-12-2007, 08:20 PM	#10 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,957	Good gravy! water and electricity!! i guess once you get it in your mind to go then you REALLY want to go. i guess i'm glad i've not gotten to that place yet in my life, but i'm certain i will with this stupid progressive stuff. not much to look forward to. tena, i'm glad you met someone in there you could laugh so great with. i've made 2 friends or more in my day treatment program. i can't figure out which i'll still be friends with in a year's time, but i think it's the one i thought i initally didn't like too much. funny how that works. i think the other one is borderline personality disorder, ontop of the bipolar, because she gets so mad at people trying to help her b/c in her eyes it's not good enough or the "right" kind of help. i don't know, maybe it's just bipolar rage, but our therapist says borderline has a high co-morbidity rate with bipolar disorder. i hadn't realized that and don't remember reading it. Anyway, there i go hi-jacking your thread now LOL love you, jenna __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).

11-12-2007, 09:14 PM	#11 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	Hijack me, might be the most fun I have had for awhile. Ah...I wasn't even suicidal when I made that joke back in '93, it's just me to look at and analyze the system....where you are only given plastic utensils and can't touch a can of pop, they pour it into a safe container etc etc etc. This last time I was the perfect cooperative patient until I started getting restless, then started playing pranks and seeing just what I could get by with. Which was alot...and I don't think I ever got caught. I posted the security code to get out the ward doors, palmed pills, hid a clock the night they were supposed to change the time, and stayed up late for the amusement of watching them discover it missing, but they never did!!! Everyone assumed some one else on the staff had taken it down! Security was horrible, I had all kinds of things smuggled into me and for my friends. Heck, we warned them one day that it was "Bug the staff day" LOL There was this special forces guy, smart as a whip, ornery and clever...so yeah we had fun. I am not supposed to contact them or they me, but I talk to a schizophrenic girl everyday...she calls me saying she is calling a family member and I got to talk to the military hero too. And we were all making dirty jokes. Who do they think is supplying the girl with all those phone numbers for dv shelter houses, talk lines, income based housing etc etc etc?????????????????? Oh, yeah, she hallucinated them! No, Jenna....if I were to do something it would be most carefully planned. And the number 1 thing is that it cannot be identified as a suicide. When I was bleeding so profusely from female crap only hubby was clever enough to ask me if I had done it to myself. At first they did a set of x-rays and found a nodule in my lung. I smiled. Shrink was joking with me that darn it is only a calcium deposit and I could will it like a marble to my daughter. By Monday the day after I got out I was more in the mood for homicide with how badly they had screwed up everything about my discharge except for letting me out the doors! I think the meds are starting to kick in. Good deal. Then what? __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

11-14-2007, 06:22 PM	#12 (permalink)
KatieRose Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Indiana Posts: 168	Praying for you.

11-15-2007, 04:57 PM	#13 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	Ah, Actually we are approaching the anniversary of losing Eric, so I am going to be having a rough time until Thanksgiving is over and about a week after. This is the first year where instead of night terrors, I just can't stop crying. __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

11-15-2007, 06:08 PM	#14 (permalink)
KatieRose Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Indiana Posts: 168	Take all the time you need. i'm not going anywhere.

11-16-2007, 06:07 AM	#15 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	Bless you Katie and Cindi! Hugs, Jenna! __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

11-16-2007, 12:33 PM	#16 (permalink)
reader Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: crownpoint newyork Posts: 803	Oh Tena, I can't even imagine losing my son. You are stronger than me, I would have to be sent away forever. Just know that your son is watching over u and wanting the best for u. Take good care of yourself and try to focus on your own recovery. I just had my meds. upped today as the holidays are a bad time for me as well. One day at a time, one minute if needed. Be well, With love, Kerry __________________ Kerry __________Don't Tread On Me______________________ To Thine Own Self Be True!!!!

11-16-2007, 08:03 PM	#17 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	Yep, my meds got upped and for the first time today I felt like getting out of my recliner. Did a very few house chores. VERY FEW. I have always been curious about you Reader. I, too, am a biblophiliac. What do you read? Katie Rose, your faithful and caring support is a great gift. Yesterday I spent fantasizing re-mailing, that is it would be postmarked Montana, a note that says MURDERER to ex-husband. But decided it would only hurt my daughter. Watched one of my favorite all time movies "Amadeus" with hubs tonight. It pleased him so much to watch a movie with him. My new friend from the ward and I are going to drop off a major care package to the psych unit we were in tomorrow. My first getting out that isn't a badly needed appmt. I wouldn't do it by myself but with her I will. She was told she could visit, I was told I could not visit or deliver gifts. WTF?????? Pisses me right off. How are you today Jenna? Guess I will need to check your journal. Hugs! Your care gives me strength and I hope it comes back to many times over! __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

11-17-2007, 06:44 AM	#18 (permalink)
reader Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: crownpoint newyork Posts: 803	Hi, yes I love books, I am currently reading a great series by Marek Halter. For the most part, I read books that our set in all different parts of the world. I love to learn all I can about exotic countries and the books are historically based. Fiction yes, I like romance novels that are set in periods in history, quality stuff not harlequins or smut. Since I home school my son I am always reading educational text to. An obsession yes, thanks for asking, no one in my area seems to interested in continued learning. I hope I will be a sponge of knowledge to the day i die. What do u like to read? I think it is great that u are bring something to your new friends. __________________ Kerry __________Don't Tread On Me______________________ To Thine Own Self Be True!!!!

11-17-2007, 11:38 AM	#19 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,957	i'm not so good right now. sorry to know you are going through much the same. glad to see you are getting out though. i'll update in my journal. sorry for not being more active here lately. __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).

11-18-2007, 08:57 AM	#20 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	Social sciences & humanities and somtimes a bit of everything. Except romance. Yes, you CAN travel the world in books, I love that! __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

11-18-2007, 10:58 AM	#21 (permalink)
reader Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: crownpoint newyork Posts: 803	Yes, I love the social sciences too. In college, they were my favorite classes. How are u doing today, Tena? __________________ Kerry __________Don't Tread On Me______________________ To Thine Own Self Be True!!!!

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