Damn It , I'm binging

[GailJ]

sorrry. three weeks this time. Promised I'd stop at four beer. What a crock, Uggg. I am so dissapointed in myself. I'll be here in the morn. Sorry after work Canuck time.
So much on my plate sorry I resoted to old habits to cope, I kno there are better ways.................

[GailJ]

On the lighter Side. this is what I've been concentrating on and is still in construction
http://www.myspace.com/j_i_caseworld For post abusive people. Blog me there.

[GailJ]

I'll be on after work tommorow. hUGSSSSSSSSSSS. AND GOODNIGHT AND SORRY FOR BEING WEAK

[Hope]

Tomorrow is a new day. Sorry you are going through so much. Don't ever lose hope.

[tanyapmc]

I am sorry you are struggling. I sent you a thing to add you on myspace.

[shutterbug]

Gail....not weak, only human.
I gambled yesterday....i'm human.
Remember: Progress, NOT perfection.
You are making progress just by being aware, wanting to change and posting here about it. a LOT of progress even if it doesn't feel like it...you ARE making progress.

Be good to you as often as you can,
hugs,
jenna

[GailJ]

Thanks guys and gals, I just called in to say I'm not working today, Only 25 needed in our dept of 70+ I am getting a lawyer. Ugg I feel used and abused rght now. Hope you all like my myspace site, Please tell me you know me from here if a friend request. I delete most I keep hoping you wil all add to the site. One day we will make he public knw how much we suffer. Sorry sounding stupid now. hugs

[GailJ]

My sis sent this one too me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5JaXoy_5Ic

[GailJ]

help i cavde to the crave.

[hippyhippy]

Hunny,
I am goingaway on weds morning and I am still having probs typing due to co ordination and shaking priobs. I am not abandoning you or anyone else, but I wont be on much for the next while. Take care my sunshine!
Hippy
xxx

[GailJ]

You not abandoning anyone. Hun your sick sick enough you have to trust girls to mum. I miss my mum, Your not abandoning us at all. we are her to give you love anfd trust. Gonna sleep at river tonght. Trailr down there and a meditaion fire. I set up trailr so I can be alone, Hubs strugling with other woman. Never told this beforek Gettin a lawyer, Quit work unoffialy. Talked with my son last night, The youngest. God I miss him he turned 17 OCT 6 My second is the twenty thirdrs

I grieve and miss him too. b-day on twenty, tthird
my secoond he will be twety one,

[shutterbug]

Gail....check in when you can please...sounds like you've got the perfect set up going for as much solitary binge drinking as you want....so i'm concerned for you. When you read this....please remember...."progress not perfection" and to be gentle with yourself right now. There is a lot going on in nearly every direction of your life so it's a tough spot to be in, but just for today...please try to be good to yourself.

hugs,
jenna

[Cleansing]

Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things, but I noticed the word "sorry" being used a lot in this thread. I'm not sure what is causing remorse specifically, but you do mention family, so ...

I found this quotation in another thread.

Originally Posted by hairgirl

Shame will keep you sick.It is a trap, but outsmart it!!!!

In my experience, feeling bad about breaking my sobriety only made things worst. And after some time, I noticed that I was not genuinely mad at myself. In fact, I was afraid of feeling chastised by friends and family if they found out I slipped. And so, when I apologized, it was always for others and not myself. I understand that addiction can hurt family members, but at the same time, they are not the addicts, and when it comes down to it, it is the addict that's going to make the best and final choice (sobriety).

Now, I do not focus on my parents opf friends so much. Thinking about their reaction will make things too complicated. I do love them, but I am not well. the depression is deep, and I am just starting my recovery (just gpt into a program this week). When I feel better and I'm more clear headed, then I will take time to work things out with them. It may sound selfish to some, but ****, I need to feel better in order to work things out. For now, I have to block out their words in those tough times.

The fact is, if they really matter, it's not you that they are angry at. It's the drug and addiction that makes them so hard on you. Some of you may not believe that, but it's the notion I'm riding with right now, and it's helping me stay positive as opposed to bitter and disappointed.

As others said, you have made progress. It's great that you show concern about quiting, but don't let it bog you down. For weeks, I hurt my self by drinking and popping pills because my stay at detox was so bad. I came out of detox not feeling better at all (they threw me out a day before my last day), and I felt like a failure. I drank the very next day. But I wasn't a failure. In fact, I took a step forward by putting myself in detox and testing it out. Look at the positives and hope to take more steps.