I'm falling apart

[bluebird]

I'm not sure what's wrong with me..depression I guess... I feel like a balloon that's filled to the point where it might burst and air just keeps getting pumped into it.

I don't know how to deal with life and emotions..and I can't remember the last time I have really dealt with my emotions.

In the past year I have gained 50 lbs b/c I've been overeating (overeating or not eating has been a way of coping since I was little). A year ago I stopped doing the drugs to the extent I was. I did go back a few times..but not like I was.

Even though I've been overeating..now I just don't feel like eating anymore. Part of it is b/c I get sick if I eat carbs/sugar..even a little bit and I don't know why. I go to pass out and get a constant headache (light just makes it worse). I don't have health insurance and I don't have money to find out why.. Which is maybe part of the reason I'm so emotional and depressed b/c I went off my antidepressants a month ago.

I just cry from the drive home from work until I fall asleep. All I want is something to numb the pain. And all I can think about is finding something to numb the pain.. Normally when I'm this bad I wouldn't care if I did drugs, but if I do there's a good chance I'll lose my job. 3 people are going to be picked this week or next to get drug tested and there's only 10 people in the company.. I still can't stop thinking about it though..b/c I really can't take this anymore.

I don't know about things anymore..nothing seems worth it.

[PaperDolls]

I'm sorry you're struggling right now bluebird. I can relate. It's important for you to continue to see your doctor when you're feeling so down. I know you said you don't have health insurance but is there a local clinic that you could go to? Actually, I know the KCMO area has one available. I don't have the info now but I'll look it up and post it later.

Welcome to SR by the way. I'm glad you're here.

[Jerzy007]

Welcome bluebird! Thanks for the post. Please reach out for support, people are waiting to help you. Ur in my prayers.

[shutterbug]

yes....there is most likely a state mental health clinic and possibly a physical health clinic nearby you that is for low income/no insurance.

try visiting www.nami.org and look up support available in your town...and try calling some of the numbers to see if they know of a local state mental health clinic for those without insurance. there are several in my state that will help people like us get meds when we can't afford them...places i didn't know existed until i lost my job and insurance because of the major depressive episode i was going thru.

btw...i gained 100 pounds in a year during my first major depressive episode (which i didn't know that's what it was at the time or that i was bipolar either). if you are in your late teens or early twenties...that is typically the time of onset for people like me.

i also crave carbs/chocolate/sugar when depressed...and i now know i'm not quite boarderline diabetic b/c i can't have very much sugar without it making me very, very sleepy. you could very well have some sugar/insolin issues going on which can also cause depression so that's definetly something to get checked out when you can. have them check your thyroids too...and vitamin/mineral levels. when you can...

hugs,
jenna

[PaperDolls]

I've got several links for you.

http://maps.google.com/maps?sourceid...e-results&cd=1

Missouri Department of Mental Health Crisis Services
http://www.dmh.missouri.gov/crisis.htm

I don't have numbers for them but here is a list of places in the KC area you could try calling.
• Baptist Medical Center
• Missouri Department of Mental Health
• Research Psychiatric Center
• Comprehensive Mental Health Services, Inc.
• Rediscover Mental Health Services
• Trinity Lutheran Hospital
• Tri-County Mental Health Center
• Johnson County Mental Health
• Cabot Clinic
• St. Luke's Northland
•Truman Medical Center Behavioral Health
• Mental Health Association of the Heartland
•Swope Parkway Health Center
• Families for Mental Health of Johnson County
• Truman Medical Center East
• CommCare
• Western Missouri Mental Health Center
• Mattie Rhodes Counselling & Arts Center
• Guadalupe Center

NAMI-KC HelpLine
http://www.kcnami.org/helpline.htm


Take care of you!

[bluebird]

Thanks for your replies and thoughts. I'm doing a bit better today. I'm not quite sure what to say, but ty for your replies.

I'll look up some of the places you posted paperdolls..thanks.

Katie