how do you know it's coming? How do you know what it is?

[hippyhippy]

I hate this. No one likes it though eh?

I have had an awful 3 weeks. Lots and lots and lots of anger. Shrink says I been having a 'high', poss mixed episodes or rapid cycling. Its started to get better. Kept on increasing my seroquel. Been feeling fine last 6 days. Today fine too until white out rage a little while ago. Real real real bad one. Smashed hand into walls, screamed, yelled, threw things, smashed hand into glass.

FFS....I thought it was done. I am now sinking down down down. Looking back on day...I have been energetic and buzzing and flighty.

I can't stand this. I can't stand living in fear of my anger. It never used to be like this I am a nippy bitch when angry but not like this, this is awful. I am in fear of losing my children due to losing it with one of them and contacting emergency team for help. Can't hurt them. Can't confide in any one now in case they take my children. This is not an imagined fear, I have had visit from SS as I told them the truth when I for the very first time in my childs ten years slapped her.

I don't know how to stop it other than ways too dark and permanent.

hippy

[shutterbug]

when you go into a rage....think of the counting to 10 thing...EXCEPT I want you to take 10 DEEP BREATHS. Really. A little deep breathing takes oxygen straight into our bloodstreams and into our brains and helps calm us quickly. It causes a relaxing affect.

I'm such a mild mannered person and hate confrontation, but i know all too well what rage feels like. I've had about 2 rage episodes each year for as long as i can remember...and usually over the smallest, most trivial things.

The mood stabalizer will help with the rage, highs and rapid cycling as soon as you find the right one for you. If you continue feeling worse on the Seraquel the perhaps ask your doc about a change to Lamictal or any other mood stabalizer.

In the meantime, be gentle with yourself...you are dealing with a lot right now and it's a lot to handle for anyone. If possible, inlist family and/or friends to help with chores or ANYTHING that would help take some stress off of you right now. Don't be ashamed, just know that you are human and this is a major illness for anyone to face. You need some time and help to get through it right now. No different than if you had pnemonia or the flu...you would need help with things right now too. right?

Take some time for you...take a bubble bath and a long nap as soon as you can.

Be gentle with YOU.

hugs,
jenna