OPinions please

[cinderellawkids]

My oldest son is 9, almost 10 and Ive noticed some crazy behaviors lately and I wanted to share and get some feed back.

The last year Ive actually been at my worst and what he showed yesterday was so earily familiar.

He had been sent to his room and started screaming in tantrum ( his new behavior lately) When I walked in to the room he was screaming at top of his lungs in I saw him laying middle of floor flat on his stomach screaming and hands clutching at carpet as to pull it up. Many would assume this is a tantrum, but Im not so sure, at the beginning of my "feeling out of control,crazy and manic episodes" I found myself (him not around, always late at night) doing the same sort of thing in the kitchen. Mine got worse and progressed to em banging head against floor and/or wall.

So I took a deep breath, walked in calmly and asked him to sit on the bed so I could talk to him. He did, but as he sat cross legged on bed and I started to explain appropriate and inappropriate behavior and tried to get him to breath, it was obvious his heart was racing heavily. As I spoke he kept scratching his leg, picking at his ankles, socks ect.

By the time I left the room he was completely calmed down and okay and said he didnt now why he was acting that way, and once he started he truly didn know how to stop. He also through in "Noone understands him."

Is this acting out and typical dysfunctionality or something more?

Of course my husband thinks he is acting bad and spoiled, and maybe on some levels he's copying me, but his feelings, fear and terror, the look in his eye was all too familiar. I really think it is more, even though I didnt have those episodes until my late 20s, somethings going on, also my sister had similar behavior and for a short time was cutting.

Please excuse my niaviness (sp). Im not familiar with the different disorders. I have been diagnosed 1x as General Anxiety Disorder with bipoloar tendencies and 2nd time as Bipolar II. Both my biological parents were diagnosed (when terms were different) as manic depressive with suicidal tendencies.

Will a regular pediatrition understand my explaining what happened, or look at me like Im a nut? Would I be better to seek out counseling for him? Is he worse because of me and ways Ive reacted and depression and anxiety he's seen from me?

[Live]

Can you get him an initial assessment through the school?

[shutterbug]

There are some links around the web that deal specifically with mental illness symptoms in children and teens....i'm pretty sure i found some on both www.nami.org and www.dballiance.org (?)...and there's a new site Liveweyered found that i would be VERY surprised if it didn't have some very good info on it and i think that link is www.depressionforums.org.

mental illness, just like addiction, is very much genetic....so it's awsome that you are learning all this now!!! Just think of how much easier your life would have been if your parents had passed along to you much of the information you are learning now about mental illness!!! Your son is lucky to have a mom like you!!! This just totally makes my day b/c this is how things SHOULD be happening in families in this day and age of information. You rock!!!

[cinderellawkids]

Thanks guys. Live, Ive tried through school and they think he's fine, cause when they see him he is.
I will look up the sites.

Does his episode sound familiar to anyone?

[mike_mass]

That sounds like me as a kid...sensitive, touchy, aggressive at times. I really just wanted attention and was reacting to the dysfunction of a neurotic mother and distant father.

My question is...do you and your husband spend time together with your son or do you find that you send him to his room in order that you can have peace and quiet and resume your own activities?

[cinderellawkids]

I spend alot of time with him. Husband does not always. Kid is oldest of three and very involved in anything we do. We had sent him to his room several times in last 2 weeks though as he's gotten out of control in several other behavioral matters. (ie talking back, lieing and bullying his brother)

[ladyamalthea]

Cinderella,

My parents tried to spend time with me when I was his age. They did everything they knew to do to show me I was loved, including spoiling the heck out of me, and I still found myself feeling the same way your son does. I wish my parents had known when I was that age that I needed help. I wish I had known to ask for it. I think it is wonderful that you can spot this in your son and take the proper steps now; after all, if it is a mental health issue, at least he can learn about it now so his adolescence will be that much less scary. And if your husband is right, if he is just being spoiled, then you'll be able to figure that out and take appropriate action; but either way, at least a lot of the guesswork will be eliminated.

My heart goes out to your son. I remember how it felt at nine years old to think that no one understood me. At that age, practically all you want in life is acceptance from those around you. So, to not feel like you have it is a very scary thing.

*hugs and prayers to you both*

[cinderellawkids]

Guidance counselor met with him and says he's fine. But he told her how great our life was and how great me and his dad were. So far from the truth on so many levels. One thing though he's been journalling and stuff and in with his church group and when things are tough you see him reading the bible and praying. I talked to some moms of alateen members. And Im going to start with him joining alateen. He is now talking to me about feelings he understands and knows he can tell me too when he doesnt understand, Im keeping my own journal of what he tells me for when I get him to next counselor.

[laurie6781]

Yes sounds familiar. Go ahead if you feel you must and have him tested, however, please, please, do not jump on the medication wagon immediately.

Start with his diet. First remove all sugars. Then the orange juice, then the breads. Sugar from fruits is okay.

Try one at a time for several weeks and see if there are changes.

Also if possible start feeding him oraganic foods and as little 'processed' food with preservatives as possible.

I am not a health nut of any kind, however, have seen these steps work very well in moderating the behavior of children that you described.

Yes, I am bi-polar, however when I was a child, I am 62 now, there was not all the 'processed' foods with preservatives and I was not given lots of sweets, etc. My bi-polar reared its ugly ugly head many years later.

Please, please, try removing a food item at at time and see if there is any difference in his behavior, I think you may be pleasantly surprised.

J M H O based on my ES&H

Love and hugs,

[cinderellawkids]

Thanks Laurie.
We are as a whole family working on changing our diet in that way as I too have found the less carbs and such the better I feel.
I too would prefer to stay away from medicine if at all possible.
We are now suffering already in school. I once labeled "Gifted" child is failing review work, because he's just not paying attention. Im working on this with him and a tutor now. One thing at a time

[laurie6781]

Good!!!!!

It's not just the carbs, it that damn white sugar in so much stuff, and all the preservatives that mess not only with a growing child's metabolism but their brain, as well as adults.

I am so glad to read the efforts you have and are taking, I truly think you are on the right track.

J M H O

Love and hugs,