day 4 cold turkey

[hippyhippy]

After my reaction to prozac last week, I obviously stopped taking them. I have lost confidence in docs, pharmacists etc as they were all giving me duff advice.
I have continued to take my seroquel at night but had o anti d's since thiu am. I thought I was doing fine apart from a sore tum but this morning I am so so so angry. I really feel like I could do myself or someone else harm.
I have phoned shrinks office an hour and a half ago but no reply. I am manically cleaning house (house looking good though!) but my family are uptight (ha! they should try being me....Thats uptight! Actually, I am being glib but I am concerned at my reactions to them)
I don't know what to do if he doesn't get back. I am sure he wants me to feel bad so that I will agree to his lithium.
On a positive note, my rash has all but gone and itching is more just a result of the dry skin that the temperature gave me.
Aaaagh!

Hippy

[Live]

hugs, don't give up hope. It has taken years for us to get hubs a good p-doc with the VA here. But we are finally getting a good one and some real help.

What he told us was that it takes time, and behaviorial therapy along with meds and DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE.

[historyteach]

How are you doing today, hippy?
Please let us know.

Shalom!

[hippyhippy]

I am doing really realy badly. I have lost control. I just hit my child. I feel sick and disgusted with myself. I have phoned menatlahealth team i have taken all the anti psychotics I can I wantthem to take me away and lock me away from my children. I can't believe I have done this I hate myself a million more times than she hatwes me. I phoned sicj to work and tried to get huby or mother but they are not there.

[hippyhippy]

Since this mornings post, I am calmer.
The community meantal health team called me and advised me to tak med immediately. Then they came out to see me and gave me a sedative to take when ever hubby got home.
they think I am having reactions to stopping the anti depressants, but that I really need to take anti psychotic during the day as well as at night time.
I spoke with my daughter and we both cried together for a long time. I have apologised profusely and taken this opportunity to try to explain about my illness. I have hidden it from her for the past year(well, I have tried denying it to myself too)
I do not use my BP as an excuse. I use it to understand why I did what I did.
At present it is like I don't have the same knowledge as to what is going on in my brain, like the on/off switch is faulty.
I was perfectly calm before this mornings incident and I had a quarrel with my daughter as we do every single morning about her hair. She sort of pushed me and I lost my temper at her, so she hit my arm then I slapped her. While I think I had every right as a parent to be angry at her, furious even, I had no right to slap her. It is not what I do, I do not hit my children.
However, immediately afterwards I wanted to die. I wanted to leave the house and go and die.
I tried to phone my hubby and mother but there was no reply from either. I did not want them to comfort me, I wanted them to come so I could go away and die.
I phoned the mental health team to tell them I needed to be locked away.
All is now ok. As ok as it can be. the inevitable post temper depression is whirling its way through me. It is going to be really really hard not to drink tonight.

Hippy

[cinderellawkids]

Im sorry Hippy. I get that way when not taking meds. I always thought I was alone. I m glad to hear you are calmer

[hippyhippy]

nah
you not alone hunny.
Anger is such a horrid destructive emotion eh?
i don't know how people can live being angry all the time
hippy
xx