Would Like Some Opinions

[cindeelou]

My husband is bi-polar. I've been with him for 13 yrs this June and he has been sober for over 15yrs. Unfortunately, he thought when he stopped drinking so would his problems but that would not be the case with an illness like bi-polar disorder. He is mostly manic and his depression when it does hit never gets to suicidal. However, his mania leads to affective disorder and he gets dilusional.

I am currently 6-1/2 months pg with our first child and this has been a very long and grueling episode. I'm sure the pressure of the baby is what is doing it to him this time. Plus I have been going thru this pregnancy myself since he is just not there for me or rather can't be at this time.

To make a long story as short as I can. He started to get manic around the end of March and it hasn't subsided. The end of April he left our home and was missing for 3 days with the car. The MTA police finally found him on the RR tracks doing something with the signals. The saw my missing persons report and brought him to a hospital instead of jail.

Our car was finally located using low jack since he had no idea where he had abandoned it.

His psychiatrist whom he has been with for almost 6 yrs changed his meds and put him on Lithium and he is also on Navane (he has been on navane consistently for years). They released him from the hospital after only 7 days and he came home and never got better. In fact, he got worse. Then another day he left again and never returned that night. He did return the next day (SOMETHING HE NEVER DONE IN 12 YEARS EVEN WHEN HE WAS MANIC B4). In the past, he has been hypo manic and functioning and only last for about a month.

Now he is back in the hospital and they will monitor him and hopefully get him back to himself. He is also VERY angry at me and blames me for everything. He also doesn't believe he belongs in the hospital. This time I refuse to take him out b4 I feel he is ready.

My husband was so angry and rude to me yesterday that I told him nicely that he should call me when he wants to see me. He has my number. He is saying such mean things to me and cut our visit short anyway by walking away and telling me to go home and that I'm only good for cigarettes and coffee.

My parents also feel I should stay away and let him come back to himself and then he will call.

I want to know what you think? There are a lot of bi-polar people who write on this board and I'm sure you know when you are in that state how you behave. Am I doing the right thing?

Thanks so much. Any advice or encouragement would be welcome.

[phoenix]

Hi...I am not bi-polar...but I do have some experience working with such people.I am also in recovery and have dealt with my own depression for some time now.I'd like to welcome you here.

Please know that you are in no way responsible for your husband's anger.You are doing the best you can under extremely difficult circumstances.You have taken care of him and he is safe.

Now it is very important to take care of yourself.This needs to be your first priority.You have the baby depending on you.And you deserve as much peace and happiness as possible at this time.That's important for your health and for your baby.

Don't exhaust yourself with worry over the things you can't control.You won't be of any use to anyone unless you take care of yourself first.Most likely,when your husband is back on an even keel,the anger will fade.Even if it doesn't,keep in mind that you do not deserve it.You didn't cause this and you are not to blame.

And so...be good to yourself.Do things you enjoy.Get ready for the arrival of your little miracle.Eat well and rest.Be peaceful.

Good luck and keep posting

phoenix

[katerinalisa]

I am bipolar - I am also a recovering drug addict with 9 years clean/sober. I am al in a relationship with a man who has 6.5 years clean/sober and was just diagnosed bipolar 6 months ago. I was diagnosed bipolar 16 years ago. I have to be honest with you - I am not always sure when I am in that state of mind - it takes the input of my friends in recovery to keep me on track. I wish I was able to stay aware of when I am slipping, but despite knowing my diagnosis', I tend to to remain unclear about the state of mind that I am in. Make sure that you take care of you, first and foremost, but be aware that he may not be aware of what is going on. If you don't take care of yourself, thouth, you won't be able to be there for either you husband or you child. Good luck to you - keep posting
-kl

Welcome cindeelou,

I have a client that I worked with whom I love dearly. He used to have the same symptoms as your husband is having. It used to break my heart to watch him go through it.

It was always tricky and took awhile to find the right combination of medication to bring him back to us. I could clearly see that his anger and rage was not personal and was a symtom of his illness. I'm sure your husband is the same. I know that doesn't help when you are not being supported, especially while you are pregnant.

If the medication didn't work they changed it.
We had a lot of luck adding Seroquel and Zyprexia.

Take care of yourself. You can't do anything to help your husband. He is in the right place. Keep him there where they can help him.

Hugs,
MG

my hear breaks for you. I have a bipolar husband and what we both learned is that you cannot mix alcohol and drugs and live normal lives. This is a broad spectrum disease that effects its victims differently, there is no one answer for all. I know how hard it can be, when I read your message I thought I was reading a chapter from my own life. There are many of us out here that need the support of those that understand. You can't truly understand what life is like with this unless you live it.

One day at a time.
One laugh at a time
One success at a time.

Have realistic excpectations, one is that staying off the meds is not an option.

AS hard as it is to believe, these are special people whos brains click at a high rate. They hate it more than we do but for them there is no escape, it has no cure.

May God bless you and your new little one.