at a crossroads....

[historyteach]

Well, I've got to say, I'm really at a crossroads, here.
I have to decide whether to go back on an anti-depressant or not.

I'm dealing with a LOT of stuff right now.
Work, son, mom, siblings, neighbor, house.

Work -- was laid off; got called back, but, have a job but no position. That means, I'll be a long term sub, going place to place with no where to call home. Sucks.

Son -- Trevor and I have issues with each other. He's bipolar, and not on appropriate meds. (See thread I have). We are trying but, it can be difficult. We are supposed to see my counselor together to work on issues. I look forward to it.

Mom -- elderly, frail, not doing well and honestly, I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that I'm the only one of 7 who didn't get an inheritance. SHe asked my sibling to take a loan when she's gone to give me my "share." Says she, "ran out of time." Has to do with medicade/medicare issues and the need to get rid of assets 7 years prior to the need for government assistance in old age.

Siblings -- 3 of my sibs inherited the family cabin in Maine my mom and dad built. They are refusing to allow Trevor to go. I've written them out of my life, after I tried to address their fears and they still won't budge. Even if I go with Trevor, they still say "no" cuz, he might drive 6 hours to use it as a hide away if he goes back to using!
I have MUCH anger here.

Neighbor -- still dealing with the wh*re who lives behind me. She took in my former tenent - the one who ripped me off $20,000! Now, because she's a drunk, she's acting out and trying to make me the bad guy in this senerio! :Hypnotized:
I have many police reports on their bad behavior towards me, and can get a restraining order. But, to do so will jepordize her career -- she's a psychiatrist! And I feel like that will only escalate things more. I don't want to deal with it. I will if I have to but, I don't want to deal with her bs, know what I mean? (I informed a neighbor whom I know will let her know what I will do if she continues. I hope that's enough.) Anyway, much anger here too.

Related to neighbor is the potential selling of my house. I had it for sale, but, the folks didn't make my price, even after negotiations. I love my house, but, it's too big for me. I can't take care of everything it needs. And I've not found another place to go, considering what I will be giving up - unless I move south where it's cheaper. I have to work another two years in RI, though. And I"m concerned, giving the politics of school now. Without my salary, I can't keep the house. ANd I really can't depend upon Trevor.

So, with all these issues, I'm having some difficulties. Most of the time, if I stay busy with puttering around the house, (Margo, if you see this, thanks! ); playing in the gardens; going to the gym; going for a swim in the cove; dealing with my mom; son; going to counseling and career counseling and seeing friends for a cup of coffee or a drink, I"m fine.

But, if I have down time, I begin to feel the pain. I'm not trying to squash it. I allowed myself time to really feel the pain my siblings and mom caused. But, I cannot stew in it. It's time to accept and move on. It's when there's the down time, that it comes to the fore. There's tears involved, and anger. I can't deny it. And I'm not sleeping well, which is always a sign for me that the stress is getting on me; building up.

The problem comes with this. I used to be on celexa, and it left me fogettful. Then, I was on welbutrin. Forgettful and anxious - got panic attacks. I don't want either of them; I cannot deal with that type of forgettfullness when I go back to work in September. Especially since I'm going to be taking classes to start a new career in two years. (I'll be taking early retirement from teaching; can't deal with the politics of school anymore - no child left behind and it's ilk.)

I do know that I deal with SAD - seasonal affective disorder - each year. When things are stable, I can deal with it by using all my tools - getting out in the sun as much as possible, meditation, exercise, eating right, etc... But, things will not be stable this year, due to the lack of a position. I'll be subbing from place to place, it looks like. After 20+ years in education, I'm a freakin sub again! ARGHHHHHH!!!!!

So, is there any wisdom out there to share with me? I appreciate your thoughts...

I've heard a lot about Lexapro. I know it's used as a mood stabilizer and an anti-depressant. It's a "cousin" of celexa, with changes in the chemical structure.
Or any other thoughts?

Of course, I'll talk with my doc and counselor, but, I don't have a pdoc. My regular doc will give me what my counselor and I agree on, (unless he knows of a particular reason why not.) But, as great as he is, (I love him!), he's not a pdoc.
On the other hand, I have good reason not to run to a pdoc again. They had me stoned out of my mind years ago, and wouldn't believe me when I told them! It was really bad, but, that's another story....

So, thoughts? :>)

Shalom!

[liveweyerd]

Frankly I trust you to do the best thing for you.

Quick as you can without thought write down your responses to these questions with the first 10 things that come to mind.

If I feel what I feel.......

If I know what I know.........


Okay that said, if celexa did not work for you neither will lexapro. Lexapro is celexa with some of the inert ingredients left out. However, did it relieve your depression?
There are anti-d's that are not SSRI.

I hear you about the forgetfulness, two of my drugs do that to me!

Here is a link to research the most common antidepressants:

www.depression.org

It has forums for all the meds. And feedback from people who are using them. I'll check back. Ps I think you are the jeweled roses fairy.

[historyteach]

((((Live))))
You are so sweet...
Thank you for your beautiful post.

I can answer the first one with mad, sad, happy, lonely, angry, joyous, lucky, hurt physically; hurt emotionally.

I can't answer the second. I think I don't understand. I have this:
It's raining; I go to PT today. Then, I stopped, cuz, I didn't get it.
What did you have in mind with that question for me to answer?

I'll check out that web site, and let you know what I find out. Thanks for the
resource too!

Shalom!

[Introvrtd1]

History,

Cant offer much experience of what ur going thru, but offer my encouragement for recovery and hopes to get u better.

Sorry....Just my little 2 cents,......

Hang in there............

Intro

[barb dwyer]

hi HT -

I'm on lexapro.


You can PM me if you like about any sspecific questions ... if any.

[dontcareinmi]

It sounds like you are depressed over your lifes circumstances. Why would you medicate yourself to overcome those feelings? Why not just deal with the circumstances instead of having some pill do it for you?

[liveweyerd]

Okay.....try later...answers are to come from the subconscious...and I guess I should have said answer with a sentence i.e. I am mad....about/because. don't even think just let it flow out.

I was hoping that with the excercise If I know what I know...you would come to answering your own question, I guess. We are trying to get at the gut knowledge we have.

Because I believe you know the answer. I don't know it. You do. It's in there!

(((hugs)))))

[historyteach]

don'tcareinmi;
I feel overwhelmed. There *is* circumstantial depression, of which I have dealt with in the past. When I learned my son is a heroin addict; my (now) ex a gambler who was gambling away our home; and I was dealing with verbal and emotional abuse from both of them; and I left home with no job, I went into that type of depression. I took anti-depressants until I had the skills to deal with the issues. Nothing in my past prepared me for any of this stuff. And it was helpful.

As I often say, there's no prize for suffering the most!

If medication can help, until I have further coping skills to deal with these NEW issues, I see no problem with it. I don't run for a magic pill. I've been dealing with alot of stress here. And I also have physical problems I have not mentioned. I'm going to PT for back pain; I have tennis elbow; and carpal tunnell syndrome. I have arthritis; torn miniscus in both knees and water on one of them too. And I just had a root canal! Enough is sometimes enough.

Furthermore, if it were another person dealing with all this stuff, I would suggest they see their doctor too.


Barb,
What do you think about lexapro? Is it helpful? Do you have lots of forgettfullness with it?

Live, I probably do have the answers internally, as you suggest. It's just that I'm pre-occupied with all this crapola so it's hard to focus on anything.

Gonna go now. Bought a bike, but, have to adjust the seat and the handle bars; and fill the tires. And I'm going for a swim before I meet my mom, my sis and brother, (different ones), for dinner tonight.

Shalom!

[liveweyerd]

Oh, I really like that! "There is no prize for suffering the most." I am going to remember that one for sure!

As I read your post I think you have answered yourself. Yes, there is exogenous depression and it is helpful to get help. So, as you would say to us, go see the Dr.

But I want to emphasize again that Lexapro and Celexa are interchangable. There is no real difference between the two. Except dosages are not measured the same.
60mg of Celexa is about the same as 20mg of Lexapro. I have used them interchangably for years....as in when in Argentina, they did not have Lexapro, so we substituted with Celexa and when my husband was put on Celexa and then taken off by the Va, I used his Celexa rather than purchase Lexapro. If you don't want Celexa then you don't want Lexapro either.
Pedagogue can explain this better than I.

Lexapro worked for me (indogenous depression) for between 3 and 4 years but lost its efficacy, so I have had my meds overhauled. That's a scary thing to do, but was the best thing to do. I should have done it sooner.

[guywithpie]

Originally Posted by historyteach

don'tcareinmi;


What do you think about lexapro? Is it helpful? Do you have lots of forgettfullness with it?

I started taking lexapro about 6 months ago for anxiety. It literally has changed my life. In a very good way. I used to be very anti-anti-depressant but my family and co-workers can tell that I am much more "tolerable" now that I've been on it.

I'm definitely not as anxious and feel happier.

The first couple of weeks I did notice some "zombie" side affects but after my body got used to it, I feel great.

Just my 2 cents.