Up Up Up

[cinderellawkids]

Today I awoke feeling very UP. All in control and super woman/mom mode and happy at the same time.

Its scarey as I skip around my office humming because in my experience everything that goes up must come down.

Im hoping its because my Lexapro was increased to 20 mg about 2 weeks ago and this is the effects which will level but not fall..?

Its weird cause Im thinking my whole life this was me. As a teen I was moody and anorexic, pity me type. But in my mid twenties I was super woman had the whole world in my hnds and no matter what life dealt me I could handle. My dad used to call and worry said I was manic all the time. That lasted about three years and then came spurts of freak out at top of a high and then an extreme low where I could barely get outta bed, this down trips were originally very short lived but as time went on the freak out stage over took the total in control of my life stage and the lows were more frequent. I remember locking myself in the bathroom and crying to calm off afreakout rage stage.

It got to a point where there were no longer highs.

4 years ago I started Topomax (for migraines) but mentally I felt even for the first time since preteen years. After 6 months though I got pregnant and was switched to Zoloft (100 mg) after a year of that and constantly low, I went off everything and 2 years ago I started 10 mg of Lexapro, which finally had me feeling good, but I always stopped taking it, forgot, finances ect. Recently I ended up off of it for 4 months which was a nightmare of emotions between circumstances and imbalance. I went full speed but in sad and sullen ways.
Ive now been on 20 mg of Lexapro for 2 weeks. I feel great but the super woman handle anything feeling I have is scarey, cause I dont want to fall again.

I hope Ill be okay. Today Im super produtive and cheery, the me I always wanna be

[liveweyerd]

Enjoy it! I remember the euphoria when I first felt good. Just an unbelievable feeling of so this is how normal people feel? I seriously doubt you will experience a deep fall, however more likely you will even out.
But I know where you are coming from, with my new meds, I wake up every morning with a WOW! No depression, none...incredible! Every day I am sort of surprised!

[cinderellawkids]

Ok, now I seem to have leveled to just feel good, with short bursts of great. This feels more normal.

With any caffiene the anxiety quickly hits. Ive learned my lesson after a complete panic atack in a very over crowded Walmart yesterday, now I completely on decaf and no more weekend trips to a crowded store

[liveweyerd]

I have to laugh a bit. When we are consuming alot of caffeine we think it has no effect on us.....but wean off of it....and then drink it and it is like speed!

I like to go to Wal-Mart on Sunday night around 8:30.....it's pretty dead then.
But, I forgot that is your bedtime. Well, see, there you go that is part of why it is such a good time for me to go!

[shutterbug]

i hate going to wal-mart when crowded too. In college, my best friend and i would go at around 2 or 3 in the morning. (i, of course, was in my super-woman, never need sleep, hypomanic stage....don't know about her tho).

anyway...crowded stores always give me lots of anxiety. when i'm around tons of people i don't know...i just want to shrink or disappear completely. i hate the feeling.

I can't remember if lexapro is an anti-d or a mood stabalizer??? i never was able to keep myself medicated until i got on effexor for my depressions. some people don't like it because of a side affect that appears if you've gone too long without taking your next dose, but for me....it's the only reason i've been able to stay on it for about 4 years now. There's no way i could go months without it....i'd find a way to get it! Once when the idiot free clinic pdoc switched my meds around....she didn't taper me off of the effexor and i wasn't thinking clearly when i packed to stay the weekend at sis's...so i just took my new meds with me. Big mistake!!!!! At the end of 3 days without it....between the severe nausae of the lithium she had me on and dizzy, electric feeling of no effexor....it was either get myself home to my meds...or take me to the hospital! I felt so sick.

Anyway...it starts out very mild feeling and it's the perfect amount to remind me that i've missed a dose. Just thought i'd share.

Oh...also.....don't forget to monitor your sleeping when your feeling "up". If you are not sleeping much or at all then you can be sure that a crash will lay ahead at some point and the longer amount of time you were up enough to need little sleep....the the deeper and longer the crash when it arrives.

hugs,
Jenna

[cinderellawkids]

Thanks Jenna. Lexapro is an SSRI (isnt effexor as well) I feel the same way if I miss 2 doses. For me though my withdrawals quickly switch into super sick with severe headaches so I forget that Im not taking it an d focus on stopping the migraines. Just one of the many ways my brain plays tricks on me.

I used to love walmart between midnight and 2 am, pre kids of course. Now if theres not extra stressors in my lie I like to get to bed early like 8:30 to 9:30 get up 5 to 6 and go then. Many mornings Ive gone shopping before dropping kids off, its calm and peaceful, plus at 7:30 they knock yesterdays meat prices in half.

I dont do well in crowds, although Im worse in crowds where I know people for some reason. Im feeling antsy right now but over all Im pretty up over all

[cinderellawkids]

Feeling very up again today. Thats a good thing, gonna make it a productive one. I went to bed before dark last night. Its really upseting my kids, but I feel great the next day when I do. 8:30 pm to 5:45 am is awesome

[PaperDolls]

Yep, both Lexapro and Effexor are SSRI's, antidepressants. I've been on both. The lexapro didn't work for me. I was the Effexor for about a year but was having a hard time with the side effects so I weaned off of them. I did help with my depression for a while but then quit working.

I haven't been diagnosed with bipolar II but have had several docs suspect it. My new-ish pdoc is very conservative and is trying me on Prozac and Welbutrin. I suspect if it doesn't work she may give me a stabilizer. I'm not sure really. Sometimes I can really relate to the symptoms of bipolar II and other times I can't. I've never had a crazy, manic state......probably more like Jenna's hypomanic states. Mostly depression for me.

I'm glad you're having a good day Cinder.

[cinderellawkids]

Im very hyper today way too hyper to be sitting in a cubby at an office. Keep breezing through my work and skipping back and forth to the copier. Incidentally, this was the me everyone knew before stress...

This was the teen me, this or very down...hmmm should have been a sign then

[liveweyerd]

I am feeling pretty well too. I laughed yesterday when you said you were doing jumping jacks in the office!

[cinderellawkids]

So far today Im feeling pretty grand again, humming around the office (always a good sign), it lessens slightly as the day wears on, but I LOVE feeling good, feel likethe cereal commercials with Tony the Tiger saying I feel GREATTTT!
and best of all I know Im not manic cause Im not running around everywhere, Im nice and even headed

[liveweyerd]

Sorry to contradict you Doll, but effexor is not an SSRI. I can look it up in a little bit, but it goes to two other neurotransmitters. Works much better for me. Also is combined with Welbutrin. Feeling better than I have in a long time. Also trazadone for sleep but it also an atypical old Ant-d....before SSRI's

[PaperDolls]

It's okay if you correct me. Hell, I'm only right half the time anyway.
I thought it was an SSRI, really either way that neurotransmitter stuff goes way over my head. I just take the pills.

I took trazadone for a short time to help me sleep and it didn't work well for me. I can't remember what happened exactly but I was taking some other AD. The trazadone with it was a bad combo and I felt really bad. Lunesta still works for me for sleep thank goodness. I took Ambien for a while and it quit working. It's getting to the point that I'm sleeping better even without taking my sleeping pill or klonopin. May be the Prozac and Welbutrin combo are helping with my sleep somehow.

[cinderellawkids]

Not feeling as great today and a little bummed about it. Not sure how I feel so Ill check in and update in a bit. I started feeling really fatigued yesterday, not sure if its fatigue or being mom of 3 (somehow I dont feel thats an excuse)

[maintainin]

Effexor is a SNRI, sertonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. It inhibits the reuptake of norepinephirne as well as serotonin while lexapro only inhibits the reuptake of serotonin. Effexor has a super short half life and even missing your dose by hours is enough to start withdrawals in some folks. For this reason it's an absolutely hellish AD to get off of for a lot of folks.

[cinderellawkids]

Ok I figured it out. I feel good today. I think this is the "normal" I hear so much about

[PaperDolls]

You've made me realize I don't know what "normal" is either.

Damn.

[cinderellawkids]

I feel great again today. I am soooo not used to this. I love it

[liveweyerd]

I am jealous. I feel better but still have no motivation to do anything.
Pulling out of deep depression and changing habits is a baby steps process, is what I am telling myself!

[PaperDolls]

I'm jealous too. I think it's a mind game with myself. Am I better? Am I happy? Am I blah?

Like you Live, I don't have much motivation either.

I'm glad you're feeling good today Cinder!

[cinderellawkids]

Dont be too jealous, Im still waiting for mine to drain, sorta expecting it. Last weekend I accomplished nothing really, slept alot so a productive non dragging weekend will be good.

Making sure Im eating 3 good meals, no junk snacks and still only 1 cup caffiene, I know thats helping

[cinderellawkids]

I think Ive leveled off initial euphoria and just feel good, normal, I think, but nothing to complain about.

My Ah seems to be noticing he asked if Lexapro would help him

[shutterbug]

I've heard many say it here and other places and it's always stuck in my head....

"Normal -- is just a washing machine setting"

or something close to that

((((((((Maintainin))))))))
Effexor is an "inhibitor" of both chemicals?????? I had thought that my depressions were due to there not being ENOUGH of these chemicals? I've been VERY slowly trying to understand the science of it.... so this obviously has me interested to find out

[cinderellawkids]

Today Im anxious as h***.

But I had caffiene yesterday and life seems to be throwing in curves as well. I just want to get through today, go to bed and start over

[PaperDolls]

hugs to you cinder.