Seek advice from a psychiatrist or doctor

[nobody]

I am new to this site, and am only 62 hours sober from a constant nightly alcohol binge that has lasted 15 years. No one but my partner knows, and I'm very ashamed. He is embarrassed as well.
I am unemployed, and have coverage through my husband.
I have never admitted to being an alcoholic to anyone but him.
I want to stop, and am committed. I know there is most often no reason for alcoholism, and may people look for an excuse.
I wonder however if I have been self-medicating?
I have always felt depressed - even as a child before I discovered that drinking to pass out settled my anxiety, depression and insomnia.
I don't know how this works - I want confidentiality, even from my husband...but it's his plan and he gets the bills and statements. Can I see someone? Who or where should I go? Is there anyone out there who can give me some advice?
He thinks this is just pure lazy selfishness, and does not believe in psychiatry. Can a doctor's visit help me? I'm so loathe to admit either alcoholism or addiction to anyone publicly...but maybe I need to in order to get better.
Advice?
Please help me.

[QU31]

Hi nobody,

First of all, you are somebody! But I see you wish to remain anonymous. Perhaps you could start with your primary care physician since you could be visiting that doctor for any number of reasons? While they are not as knowledgeable as psychiatrists in mental health, they can certainly help with anxiety and insomnia. Also, you could try AA meetings, as that would be totally anonymous. There you would find others going through the same thing as you.

[shutterbug]

on the contrary!! There usually IS a reason for addiction!
Think through your family lines (or ask someone w/o revealing why you're asking) and i'll bet you'll find addiction on one, if not both sides, of your family tree. Also look at anyone who's had mental illness issues, sexual or physical abuse, etc, etc.

Often times addiction is a symptom of something greater.
Anyway, this doesn't mean you can't win the battle over this...it just means you're going to have to decide you REALLY want to change and the work on it...and work on it some more.

A psychiatrist is always better to see about matters of the mind!! They went to school for it. I don't want a person who knows how to do a great job repairing a broken leg to be medicating my brain! LOL.

your partner may get the bills/statements but that doesn't say what was discussed when u saw the pdoc. He'll probably know what meds u get prescribed if he really wants to know, but it sounds like if he loves you then he needs to learn a little about addiction and mental illness. Sounds like he doesn't have a clue what you're going thru!!

you can always call a clinic or doctor's office you trust and ask for a referral to pdoc they recommend.

www.nami.org has some info about state-by-state resources and so does www.dbsa.org (i think that's the right address).

AA is a good idea if you can get to a place to be able to accept that kind of support and help. A great place to start would be the AA forum on here.

Hugs and welcome!
Jenna

P.S. you are NOT a nobody!!!!! And you are not alone.

Neither is a form of laziness. Both are REAL illnesses

[mike_mass]

I have found psychotherapy to be very helpful for dealing with issues.

[QU31]

I do agree with Jenna about seeing a psychiatrist. I guess I was just saying regular doctor as an absolute last resort. I remember the first time I saw a reg. dr. for anxiety and she told me I had all the symptoms of leukemia! I was like, "that's a great thing to tell a person who's having panic attacks!"

Now that I think about it, when I get the bills from my psychiatrist, they are very nondescript and don't have any identifiers on them. Plus, if I pay the copay at the office, I don't get a bill at all. If my boyfriend were to look at them he would have no way of knowing it wasn't a gyno or eye doctor. I also agree your husband needs to learn about mental health issues, but I also know with some people that can be tough! The most important thing right now is to get the help you need.

I forgot to say congrats on the 62 hours. That is an awesome start. Remember to take care of yourself because you are somebody!

[maintainin]

With what you have described, you need a psychiatrist. You could go to a regular doctor but most likely they just arent going to know the ins and outs of all the medications and therapies available. A psychiatrists job is to treat exactly what you are going thru. To be blunt, your husband sounds like a jerk. Thats pretty selfish OF HIM to say you are selfish. WTF? Your selfish because you want to help yourself? Tell him to chill out with the type A male gung ho bullshit. There's no reason to be ashamed of anything. Medical privacy laws are no joke noawadays. Ever since HIPAA came out. I work in the medical field and its taken very seriously. I'm talking a big fine and jail time serious for violations.

[nobody]

Thank you all very much. I will talk to my doctor, and will ask him for a referral. ALL of the things Shutterbug mentioned (alcoholism, mental issues, suicide, sexual abuse - (though not directly in my nuclear family line...rather extended), emotional and physical abuse are polka-dotted all over my family...although all are observed, and have been for generations - none diagnosed. I come from a long line of denial.
In addition, my husband (who is not abusive - just waspy), wishing it would simply disappear. He wants me to be well, he just wants it to be a magic and private matter. I need to take care of me though - not worry about them. Thank you all very much. I want to feel like a person should feel, I'm not sure I ever have.

[dgillz]

No one but my partner knows

Don't count on it. When I sobered up and started AA, I shared with a few close friends, business associates, and family (mostly 2000 miles away), they ALL knew, and were very supportive.

Unless your friends, family and husband are real A-holes, they will be very supportive too.

AA has been good to me, but there are other ways. See the secular forum for a nice thread on this. I doubt that any of these programs will violate your anonymity. (None of them are supposed to at least). I don't know anybody in AA where this has been a problem.

And as maintainin said, any health care professional who violates this is in big trouble. In legal circles, Health provider/client priviledge is just as sacrosanct as attorney/client priviledge. You have even less to worry about here. Let your husband know this if it will help.

Good luck and post often to let us know how you are doing.

[shutterbug]

To be frank....i don't think it's your husband's place to decide if what you're struggling with is to be a private matter or not. Those are HIS issues going on there, not yours! We are each human and none perfect...not even him. Please don't let him make you feel ashamed about getting help for yourself.

when i first discovered my diagnosis of bipolar disorder a few years ago amidst a major depressive episode...i talked about it as if it were the flu. I educated anybody who would listen and especially talked a lot about it with family members.

What good did it do? Well, once i figured out what was going on with me, I could see it was the SAME thing my dad had been struggling with all his life. He is now on proper meds and seeing a pdoc regularly. I also realized that my aunt (his sister) was an un-diagnosed bipolar who ended up accidentally over-dosing from her prescription med addiciton and leaving behind an 11-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old daughter (the 11-year-old having no father and having her sister taken away from her by the step-dad).

In ADDITION....my going to Alanon (because i was in love with a late-stage alcoholic) helped me to not only help myself learn healthier ways of life, but helped give my dad the courage to eventually admit he was an alcoholic and to attend AA.

Btw, I had known he was an alcoholic since I was 16 and he didn't admit it to me or himself until I was 29 (that's 13 years that I knew about his illness)!!

Me taking responsibility for my mental illness and educating myself, not only helps me, but also I know now what to look for in the children in our family -- so that NONE of them will have to end up suffering for years and not knowing why if they end up struggling with a mental illness.

Anyway, this is one time it will be best for you to think ONLY about how to best take care of you and what you're dealing with. The struggle is hard enough as it is....you don't need extra baggage from your husband weighing you down. right? right.