OCD diagnosis

[VioletAntigone]

I would love to hear from anyone who has, or thinks they have, OCD.
Since becoming clean/sober a little over two years ago, my diagnosis has shifted from generalized anxiety disorder to OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), and it seems to fit the bill pretty tightly.

The more I talk to my psychiatrist and therapist, and the more I think about it, I realize I have been acting on OCD impulses since early childhood and not realizing it until now.

As with anything else, drugs and alcohol created a cushioned barrier between myself and any feelings that I couldn't deal with--and now, without that cushion, I'm left with the obsessive/compulsive disorder, which I firmly believe serves essentially the same purpose of the drugs (if I'm bombarded with obsessive thoughts, no matter how inane or ridiculous or unpleasant, then I don't have to focus on my true feelings).

I've looked around at another forum specifically for OCD sufferers, but unfortunately not everyone with OCD has the added benefit and insight of recovery to help guide the way (I am extremely grateful for my exposure to recovery and twelve step programs, because it allows me to recognize that obsessions and compulsions are basically attempts to focus on something other than the festering pain I've been trying to ignore most of my life).
Unfortunately, the general consensus with OCD is that it is some kind of unchangeable brain chemistry malfunction, which I don't believe.
I apologize for the lengthy post, but if anyone here has any experience with this (or even just a basic interest), I would love to hear from you!

[historyteach]

Hi, VA;
I don't have OCD, but, did have a student many years ago who did. With him, it manifest with the stereotypical hand washing fixation. I honestly don't know too much about it but, often wondered if medication for OCD would help an addict overcome their obsession for their drug of choice, and the compulsion to use it. I've asked numerous mental health people, but, never got a straight answer. I think there's not a known answer, but, I do wonder if it's ever been tried as a help aide to overcoming addiction to any drug.

I do wish you luck, VA. I hope someone comes along with more information to share with you and to help you.

Shalom!

[Aducksdelight]

Thanks for this topic, it is something I struggle with a lot. I have OCD as does my youngest sister. She has more of the stereotypical obsessions and compulsions, mine are a little more strange. I have dealt with OCD and it's effects since I was a little kid. When I was younger, I used to have complusions really bad. Since I have grown, the compulsions are almost gone but the obsessions are monstrous. It is interesting that you mention how OCD obsessions are a way to hide from reality. That is exactly how I feel. I find an obsession (or sometimes they find me) and I get hooked on it, no matter how ridiculous, and I ride them out til the next one because they keep me from having to deal with anything else, just like alcohol and drugs do. I have never taken any medication for my OCD, nor does my sister (she's 11 and has Tourette's as well). I am concerned she will become an addict. She is so much like me. Anyway, I am blabbering but thank you for the topic. I am glad to know someone else deals with a similar circumstance.

[VioletAntigone]

Hi, thanks for responding!
I also exhibit OCD symptoms in ways that aren't as obvious or publicly visible; I think that's why it has taken so long for me to realize that some of the things I "just do" aren't things that other people would think of doing. And, like you, the obsessions are much stronger than the compulsions.

It's sometimes really hard to find support with this, because my particular expression of OCD is so "middle of the road". I don't have rituals that obviously interfere with my life, it's much more subtle, and often looks like plain anxiety.

I get a lot of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" responses from people, even friends in recovery, when I don't feel able to go out into public places due to OCD and anxiety--which is extremely annoying, because I have to double up on my attempts at self-acceptance when I have people essentially telling me that if I would just put more effort into it, it would magically disappear (obviously, if I knew the secret formula for that, I would've already done it).

Anyway, I am venting...thanks for your responses, hopefully there may be others on this site who can share and identify

[Zgardenbug13]

I have OCD as my primary diagnosis; have had it since I was a teenager, maybe earlier. My problem is mostly with obsessional thinking and ruminating. However, I do find if I touch a public doorknob the "contamination" thought is on my mind until I can get the hand sanitizer out and clean off my hand. Then, the thought goes away. Ahhh. I take luvox daily.
ZGarden