self-pity - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

coneydog · 05-19-2003, 05:38 PM

Please help.
I don't know why, but I go out over self-pity. I feel sorry for myself because when I get a little time, people think that I'm "okay now". But, I'm not. I don't know how to ask for help. I just know how to play the victim. So, I react by running away from my sober friends and using. Poor me, pour me, thing. I am so sick of this behavior, it's so maladaptive. Why do I think that I am the only one on this earth that is mistreated? And why do people in recovery think that just because you are not a newcomer anymore that you don't need the same TLC? Well, I've got twelve days now anyway, but I can see a pattern and I don't want to go out again because I'm feeling "neglected". I know I need a therapist, but I can't find one that understands the dual diagnosis...depression/substance abuse. My depression is mild/cyclical.
Thanks in advance,
CD

Caveman · 05-19-2003, 05:59 PM

Well, you are now where near alone. After almost 16 years of c/s I have been diagnosed with depression. I am currently on meds. All I can say to you is keep looking for someone you are comfortable working with.

The other thing is stay sober. Keep going to meettings. It is not a choice to be depressed, but it is a choice to stay sober.

That is square one. Go from there.

BabeGirl · 05-22-2003, 07:57 PM

Coneydog,
This might sound stupid but you did ask for help. You asked for help when you posted on here. The simplest thing to do is to find someone you are the most comfortable with and just ask them...if you need to "beat around the bush" till you get it in you then do it. I dropped a lot of my friends because I was sick of being the victim and getting walked all over....I also dropped anyone who did drugs. Yet I don't and never have....my boyfriend did and he has a record. I think about him...I wasn't a victim there. No matter who you are (what your past is) everyone needs to know they are doing a good job...they're making the right moves(even if they're only baby steps)
Jess

coneydog · 05-24-2003, 01:02 AM

You are both right. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience strength and hope with me. I do have a hard time trusting people enough to let them in. I have to be sober first and foremost, though...or I'll never get past this pattern.

BabeGirl · 05-24-2003, 09:36 AM

What is wrong with having people there for you? Having someone there to cheer you on? Please answer that! I think everyone needs that. You can talk to me no matter what, even if I'm not on here! My contacts are.......
AOL:
(screen name)Brwneyes143
(E-mail)Brwneyes143@aol.com

Yahoo:
(E-mail) BabeGirl630@yahoo.com

Anyone who needs to talk...I'm always up for a chat.
Jess

jpal · 05-31-2003, 12:13 PM

It upsets me that you can't find a therapist who understands what you call a "dual diagnosis". Many people who suffer from depression self-medicate with something and that often leads to an addiction.(if not in a physical sense than in an emotional one) Its like which came first the depression or the drinking?? I've been there! Now I have been medicated for my depression and I am no longer abusing alcohol! For me the depression came first-but BOTH aspects have to be dealt with. Treating my depression enabled me to handle my drinking binges. Are you in any kind of treatment or taking any meds? If not that is something you should look into. It helped me more than I can express in words. I also didn't like the first therapist that I went to......i though she was condescending(but it was probably that I went there with my mind closed to it) But I did get medication and that started me on the right path. As the medication started to work, I found that it was easier to seek and accept help. Right now you are feeling totally helpless and feel that nothing will work. And that's the depression talking. You say that your depression is mild. No such thing!! Yes, there are different levels of depression that you can be in..........but they all interupt your life and scew your thinking. Don't discount the fact that you suffer from depression!! It just may be the root of all your problem and not the by-product!

05-19-2003, 05:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
coneydog Paused Join Date: May 2003 Location: malibu california Posts: 3	self-pity Please help. I don't know why, but I go out over self-pity. I feel sorry for myself because when I get a little time, people think that I'm "okay now". But, I'm not. I don't know how to ask for help. I just know how to play the victim. So, I react by running away from my sober friends and using. Poor me, pour me, thing. I am so sick of this behavior, it's so maladaptive. Why do I think that I am the only one on this earth that is mistreated? And why do people in recovery think that just because you are not a newcomer anymore that you don't need the same TLC? Well, I've got twelve days now anyway, but I can see a pattern and I don't want to go out again because I'm feeling "neglected". I know I need a therapist, but I can't find one that understands the dual diagnosis...depression/substance abuse. My depression is mild/cyclical. Thanks in advance, CD

05-31-2003, 12:13 PM	#6 (permalink)
jpal Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Baltimore, Maryland Posts: 8	It upsets me that you can't find a therapist who understands what you call a "dual diagnosis". Many people who suffer from depression self-medicate with something and that often leads to an addiction.(if not in a physical sense than in an emotional one) Its like which came first the depression or the drinking?? I've been there! Now I have been medicated for my depression and I am no longer abusing alcohol! For me the depression came first-but BOTH aspects have to be dealt with. Treating my depression enabled me to handle my drinking binges. Are you in any kind of treatment or taking any meds? If not that is something you should look into. It helped me more than I can express in words. I also didn't like the first therapist that I went to......i though she was condescending(but it was probably that I went there with my mind closed to it) But I did get medication and that started me on the right path. As the medication started to work, I found that it was easier to seek and accept help. Right now you are feeling totally helpless and feel that nothing will work. And that's the depression talking. You say that your depression is mild. No such thing!! Yes, there are different levels of depression that you can be in..........but they all interupt your life and scew your thinking. Don't discount the fact that you suffer from depression!! It just may be the root of all your problem and not the by-product! __________________ "No matter who or what made you what you have become, that doesn't release you from the responsibility of making yourself over into what you ought to be." -Ashley Montgu

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05-19-2003, 05:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
Caveman Paused Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Milwaukee WI Posts: 20	Well, you are now where near alone. After almost 16 years of c/s I have been diagnosed with depression. I am currently on meds. All I can say to you is keep looking for someone you are comfortable working with. The other thing is stay sober. Keep going to meettings. It is not a choice to be depressed, but it is a choice to stay sober. That is square one. Go from there.

05-22-2003, 07:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
BabeGirl Paused Join Date: May 2003 Location: York,Pa Posts: 34	Coneydog, This might sound stupid but you did ask for help. You asked for help when you posted on here. The simplest thing to do is to find someone you are the most comfortable with and just ask them...if you need to "beat around the bush" till you get it in you then do it. I dropped a lot of my friends because I was sick of being the victim and getting walked all over....I also dropped anyone who did drugs. Yet I don't and never have....my boyfriend did and he has a record. I think about him...I wasn't a victim there. No matter who you are (what your past is) everyone needs to know they are doing a good job...they're making the right moves(even if they're only baby steps) Jess

05-24-2003, 01:02 AM	#4 (permalink)
coneydog Paused Join Date: May 2003 Location: malibu california Posts: 3	You are both right. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience strength and hope with me. I do have a hard time trusting people enough to let them in. I have to be sober first and foremost, though...or I'll never get past this pattern.

05-24-2003, 09:36 AM	#5 (permalink)
BabeGirl Paused Join Date: May 2003 Location: York,Pa Posts: 34	What is wrong with having people there for you? Having someone there to cheer you on? Please answer that! I think everyone needs that. You can talk to me no matter what, even if I'm not on here! My contacts are....... AOL: (screen name)Brwneyes143 (E-mail)Brwneyes143@aol.com Yahoo: (E-mail) BabeGirl630@yahoo.com Anyone who needs to talk...I'm always up for a chat. Jess

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