Thought Disorders

[ciryda]

I am a self injurer.I am in the beginnings of a long journey of recovery. I have battled
SI-Addiction and Alcoholism for most of my life. I have been diagnosed and treated with ADHD / Bi-Polar,depression and Bulimia, just to start things off. Alot of times I have described myself as being out of touch with reality. My thinking is jumbled and disconnected. I sometimes have heard voices that force me to self harm. Delusia and paranoia also compliment my thoughts, without notice and race through my mind.
Tell me I will... Love is a small world Tell me I hear. Dont love it but I will. Just need to now be strong till I find me. Love is a part-time thing, but will grow strong. I tell myself.. Sometimes mild and sometimes severe. Psychotic thinking from trauma and stress.I suffer from sleepnesses, anxiety and hyperactivity, obsessive and compulsive
actions are present in my daily routine as well. I am working full-time at a hospital
and think about the patients on mental holds through-out my day. I was a patient
upstairs on more than several psych stays. I now have to go into the "unit" several times daily as a employee. I am working on my issues(as my Mum calls them). I have taken the step
of stopping all my psych meds. Life is tough at times. I really want to grow. Having intrusive thoughts and images I don't see to be able to control. I am actively attending support groups as well as NA and AA to address my addictions. I self medicated all my life so I didn't have to feel and live through the pain that has painted my past. I feel maybe I should not of stopped the meds, just because I felt I was doing better in society,though just barely blending in. The changes I have worked real hard on, have made small differances in my life. I am scared of a relapse now my biggest fear. I am just looking for either some empathy or understanding on where I should go from here? Go back to the Dr.? I hate taking my meds cause it makes me feel weak and that I cant cope without them. Their must be a reason I just don't know?

[mps101]

My thoughts and praryers are with you.

[historyteach]

My thoughts and prayers are with you also.
You may want to reconsider your actions and speak with your doctor again. It is *not* a sign of weakness to do what's necessary for good health.
Take good care of you.

Shalom!

[shutterbug]

I second HistoryTeach.
It is NOT a sign of weakness. Only a sign that you are human like the rest of us. The truth is....you run a great risk of relapse by not being on the psych meds. There was a reason you self-medicated with drugs and alcohol.

I know AA (and i can only guess about NA) really pushes members to discontinue use of anti-depressants and such, but we know so much more about addiction and mental illness these days and AA, unfortantely, hasn't caught up to understanding this and that what they are asking is harmful.

I've known many in AA who understand this and dispite what others think of them....they know they need to take their meds.

It is NO different than a diabetic who needs insuline or an asthmatic who needs an inhalor to breath. It's not a sign weakness....it's a sign we are all HUMAN.

[reader]

In the past when i have stopped my meds. it was a disaster. I would get back on them right away and/or talk to your dr. Take care....

[pedagogue]

You should be proud of yourself for trying to deal with some of your troubles, many people never get that far. As for stopping your meds......sometimes it can cause some problems stopping cold turkey. Taking a guess at some of the meds that go with what you talked about, you should probably talk with your doc @ it sooner than later.

Sometimes it is easier to tackle one demon at a time, so if you smoked and drank...I'd suggest stopping the drinking, and then tackling the smoking after you get the drinking under control. Just a thought.

-p

[needtobefree]

I know I don't know you but it's really not a good idea to stop your psych meds without consulation with a dr. I know this because I'm on psych meds, I may be on them for the rest of my life, who knows, and if I am it's fine. The brain is an organ, no different than your heart of your liver, if you needed drugs for those you'd take them, they carry no shame - neither do psych drugs. I agree, you're more likely to relapse if you stop taking them. One thing at a time :0)