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06-06-2007, 05:23 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,919
| Bipolar son
My bipolar son, after a few weeks of respite is cycling again and threatening suicide once much, I know his threats are serious as he has made several attempts and by all accounts it's a miracle he's still here, please any ideas I have run out of them. He is abusive and violent when he self medicates and drinks or uses and I know this causes a paradoxical effect as I have a gentic mental conditon and have been diagnosed bipolar as well as ADD and autistic features, I am only hateful towards myself and after years of mixing drink and drugs I am clean and sober and my meds work. This though, I am at my wit's end with. My daughter has my genetic problem and is also bipolar, she has cut me off from her as she blames me, my middle son is "normal" whatever that is! and my youngest son who is 25 has the mental age of a 3 year old. I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth. Any words of encouragement would be so greatly appreciated thank you. indigo
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté  |
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06-06-2007, 06:53 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 803
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Your plate is extremely full, it is no wonder u are so stressed. When my grown step son lived with us he would make violent threats and talk of suicide when he was drinking. I called the police and he was taking to the psychiatric wing of the hospital. He was then offered rehab. I knew I could not help him. It is never easy to call the police on someone u love but I would rather than to have someones suicide on my conscious. Take care and prayers out to u....
__________________ Kerry  __________Don't Tread On Me______________________ To Thine Own Self Be True!!!! |
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06-06-2007, 06:58 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Deeeep South
Posts: 758
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Annie. It is something we have to live with unfortunately. My counselor told me yesterday that my daughter, bipolar, personality disorder and also an addict, will not change unless she gets on her medication and stays on it. She is doing wonderfully right now. Functioning, going to work everyday, cooking meals and acting normal (whatever that is) The counselor told me not to expect this to last. It was disheartening, but, at least I know what to expect and that is: her behavior is consistantly inconsistant. My dear Annie. you inspire me every single day. I would love to be able to tell you to "do this" and it would all go away and everyone would be happy as clams. Whatever the case, it is not up to us to change that person. We can only go along for the ride and do the best to change ourselves--and you did just that. You changed you. I know you know all this but we can't go on blaming ourselves and wanting things to change when in essence we have no control over the outcomes. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop with my grown daughter...she has attempted suicide before, twice and gets extremely depressed when using. I know it will be painful when the inconsistant behavior flares, but now at least I am not living in a world where when she is ok I think she is going to stay that way. Annie my dear sister I am holding your hand so very tight. I love you and pray for and think of you every day. We can and will get through this, with many gifts along the way, and lessons of love being shown to us.
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06-07-2007, 04:21 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| To Life!  Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 8,879
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(((Annie))) I"m so sorry for your pain...  Trevor too has been in the same position. Continue to do that which is good for you. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual care of yourself. That's what helps keep me grounded when he's on a run. Shalom, my friend!
__________________ IMAGINE |
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06-07-2007, 06:35 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,919
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He's eating away at my family and I cannot co-enable him anymore, nobody wants to see him and at the moment neither do I....what does that make me?
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté |
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06-07-2007, 07:48 AM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member  |
Oh, Annie! I know I have been out of touch....I am glad you are here, letting it out a little bit and hopefully feeling a bit of support and not so alone with this. YOU are always there for everyone else! Now....you said you don't even want to see him, what does that make you? ANSWER: NORMAL It doesn't matter how dearly we love someone, we can only take so much, it wears us out. Hubby went thro' a very deep depression for over 3 months and it got to where I did not want to come home after work. I would start dreading it hours in advance. Don't know about France, but here they can have social workers come in and spend time with them in order to give you a break and get out and away from it. I know I was getting ready to look for a caretakers support group! I also felt angry about it. And that's normal too. I just don't even know what to say about the horror of the suicide threat. Except that, you know I know. God help me, I knew it was going to happen and I couldn't stop it. Can you have him hospitalized for his own protection? I guess that is what I wish for in your case....that way you would know he is safe and being taken care of and give you room to breathe and feel more safe yourself. I am sorry your daughter blames you, please try somehow not to take it personally. You are one of the most loving people! oops, my computer might go out in a sec....I will come back to this.
__________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters |
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06-07-2007, 07:55 AM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 803
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Yup, human. I remember being so frustrated with our son I wanted to shake all 6'4" of him as if it was possible. I feel like he was taking me over the edge with him, the stress is almost indescribable to someone on the outside looking in. No matter what we did he always went back to the drinking and drugging. He now has no license, is in and out of jail for non payment of child support. The last time he was in for 6 months. I am embarrassed to say I knew were he was and he was sober and safe, it was a relief. He now is on Grammas couch, she will enable him to the day she dies. he will never hit his bottom because she is always there to pick up the pieces. We stopped rescuing him a few years back, he is 36 going on 19. We hoped he would get sober and keep getting treated for his mental issues but I don't see it happening. So I understand all the emotions u are going through. Take care of u, that is the best advice I can give. Hugs out to u...
__________________ Kerry __________Don't Tread On Me______________________ To Thine Own Self Be True!!!! |
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06-07-2007, 08:54 AM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 14,728
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Annie, Whenever I think of how much you have to deal with I am amazed. I am so sorry that your son is causing you so much pain and I am so sorry for his suffering. I pray that he will follow your example and live a sober life and find meds that work for him. I always pray for your daughter and that she will understand that you are not to blame and how much you love her. You have your hands full and I know you are struggling. My beautiful Indigo, I send warm thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
__________________ Anna  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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06-07-2007, 09:10 AM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,919
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In France unless a doctor orders it he will not be put in hospital, he has been there several times and he always manages to 'charm' the doctors into saying he's okay now...they have also told us he will always be like this. We have had the police out to him when he smashed up our home, they know him well and treat him kindly. His shrink always smells of alcohol and is near retirement. He has 'charmed his female counsellor, but he has a reputation in our village and friends of ours who own restaurants have been kind enough to not serve him and even take him to his appartment. He lies and steals from us (we don't have to lock our doors and shutters where I live because the crime rate is so low) And yet he has come to our home and stolen things when he knows we are out.......I'm sorry to be such a whinger, he is stealing our lives. Thank you everyone for your support, it helps more than you know. He has trashed 3 cars and now has a bike, so hopefully nobody will get hurt from his crazed driving around in the middle of the night. indie
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté |
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06-07-2007, 10:48 AM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,919
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I am aware of how hard it is to be bipolar and I love him so much, it's his abusive violent, verbal and physical behaviour I can no longer take, we are all living in fear, I've suggested going to stay with his father....His life is a living hell, his father is bipolar too and acts very much the same as my son, I'm between a rock and a hard place, whatever the outcome it is a life sentence for everyone.
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté |
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06-07-2007, 11:01 AM
| #15 (permalink) |
| get it, give it, grow in it  Join Date: May 2007 Location: Calif coast
Posts: 2,526
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I think it makes you strong and able to set boundaries. You remember what they say on a plane: "when the oxygen mask comes down breathe for yourself 1st before you save your child" Often we just have to step back and take care of ourself. You have so much to deal with maybe today is the day to take a holiday from your troubles and do something for yourself or think of yourself and yourself only. |
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06-07-2007, 11:23 AM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 14,728
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If going to live with his father would work, then I think that could be a good option. It would give you a well-deserved break, even if just for a little while. Is there any way you can get his dr to order him into hospital. As you said, that might not last for long, or do much good, but at least you would get a break for the constant stress.
__________________ Anna And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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06-08-2007, 09:54 AM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,919
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Today I am trying to accept with good grace these tribulations I have been given, so I must be strong enough. Thank you all for your replies. hugs indigo
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté |
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06-08-2007, 12:15 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 927
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(((Annie))) I'm sorry you're dealing with this again. No advice ... just a ton of love and prayers coming your way
__________________  ~ While the light lasts I shall remember and in the darkness I shall not forget ~ |
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06-08-2007, 12:27 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Member |
thinking of you and sending hugs! I have to agree with the others tho'....please find some time for you. Can you hire a "babysitter" to come in for an afternoon so that you can get away?
__________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters |
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06-08-2007, 06:56 PM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Crazy Cat  Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Left Coast
Posts: 457
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I am sorry for the pain we cause. For my moms sake i wish she would leave me. And when i am feeling ok i wish she would never leave. Save yourself and leave the rest to the life gaurds  Gods speed Mom.
__________________ never stop growing  |
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06-08-2007, 08:49 PM
| #23 (permalink) |
| Hope3  Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,118
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Hi Annie, I just seen this thread today...I guess we have a little more in common than I thought. I have ADD, was finally diagnosed in my early 40's. My mother was finally diagnosed with bi-polar in her late 50's, about 18 years ago... She was never violent, just decided to take the dog for a walk when it was 0 degrees outside, in her night gown, but no shoes. Other things were happening to. She does very well on her lithium, and also takes saraquell at bedtime. He needs to take his medication, and not drink....you can't do that for him, of course you know all this....and it isn't your fault he is bi-polar either..It's just the way it is.... I hope he goes and gets the help he needs, but if he doesn't, I hope and pray you do what you need to to be safe, and take care of you... Bless you Annie, your friend in recovery, hope3, alias, Sharon
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06-09-2007, 03:46 AM
| #24 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,919
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He called from his home to tell me I've only myself to blame if I find him dead. I think/hope that he is testing me to see how far he can manipulate me. I am standing firm and will not be held to ransome or blackmailed. Annie
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté |
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06-09-2007, 06:10 AM
| #25 (permalink) |
| Hope3 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,118
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In the US, we can have family admitted to the hospital if they are suicidal, does your country do that as well. You are in my thoughts and prayers Annie, Sharon
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