Victim of Mental Problems

[Highlander99]

My wife was diagnosed with severe depression, post traumatic distress syndrom, bi-polar and she has had psycotic episodes back in 1999. Since then she has also experienced seizures and over 4 years ago she turn to alcohol and became an alcoholic. I stayed with her through all this and two weeks ago she left me. I have struggled with anxiety and depression, mostly as a result of her issues. I am in a lot of pain right now and I am not sure what is going to happen next as she has filed for divorce. We have been married for 22 years and I feel like I have just been thrown off of a rollercoaster at full speed. The strange part of all of this is that she just completed her 2nd month of AA and has been sober the entire time. I still love my wife and she say's that this is for my own good and I should just move on with my life but I feel like I have nothing left to live for since I thought we were going to grow old together. My children are grown and do not like me as I was the parent and she was always their best friend and could never say no to my two sons. I feel I am paying for issues that she never truely resolved and she says she is not happy so I guess she thinks a divorce is going to cure all her problems but I always looked after her and took care of things. I feel so used and so empty any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[DesertEyes]

Hello there Highlander, and welcome to this wonderful website

Originally Posted by Highlander99

... My wife was diagnosed with ... I stayed with her through all this and two weeks ago she left me....

wow, you told my story there, almost exactly word for word. I was married for 20yrs when my wife dumped me. She was severely tortured as a child, then spent her adulthood trying to overcome that as well as being disabled. She underwent multiple surgeries and eventually became addicted to pain pills. After being the caretaker our whole marriage I felt pretty used and abused myself. Our kid took her side in the divorce, but she's been warming up to me lately.

We have a forum here on this website just for us "friends and family of alcoholics". You are most welcome to come browse around and see what people are saying.

http://soberrecovery.com/forums/frie...ly-alcoholics/

There's a lot of great information in the "Sticky" posts at the top of the forum. Take a little time to read thru and let us know what you think. There's a lot of people who have experienced that "whiplash" of having their spouse get sober and then divorce them. Seems to be fairly common.

Welcome again, and I am looking forward to getting to know you.

Mike

[Bozo]

Welcome to SR mental health forums. Everyone is different, but for me when a relationship ends, it is devastating emotionally. I think I have issues of abandonment from a long time ago as well as co dependent crap.

I can offer no advice only in time the pain passes and usually something better comes along. I know this is of no solice to you now, but try to hang in there and keep telling yourself you are going to be ok.. Please keep posting.

[Wolfstarr]

Welcome Highlander...

Highlander, I can say with all genuine compassion and truth that your children will know the stable force in their life, and will be so thankful...but it all comes together at it's own time and space.

Bless you and what you are going through right now. Know one thing is for certain, what you are going through now will not last forever. It will change. You have so much so very much life to live! You may not know it, but you already have experience, strength and hope for others.

You cannot make her happy. Only she can do that for herself. and...
Only you can do the same for you.

Start now appreciating yourself because you are so worth it! My thoughts and deep prayers are with you, my dear man.

[Highlander99]

I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my post, it means a lot. The worst part is the unknown but the good thing right now is that it looks like we both want to put this behind us as quickly as possible. I am like you, I am devastated and I did not think I would be alone at this point in my life. My dad passed away in 2003 and he was my rock, he was the most support you could ever ask for. Loosing him was worse than this but he pain is similar. I have to tell my self that I can get through this but a lot of the time everything looks really dark and lonely. She did little if any thing for me but at the very least she was there. Right now I am just spilling my guts because at this point I don't know what else to do. Thanks again and take care.

Originally Posted by Bozo

Welcome to SR mental health forums. Everyone is different, but for me when a relationship ends, it is devastating emotionally. I think I have issues of abandonment from a long time ago as well as co dependent crap.

I can offer no advice only in time the pain passes and usually something better comes along. I know this is of no solice to you now, but try to hang in there and keep telling yourself you are going to be ok.. Please keep posting.

[Highlander99]

Thanks for the kind words, every one I talk to tells me the same thing about my kids but I have been told by Dr.s that they have mental issues also. My youngest has been diagnose bi-polar and the oldest has a lot of anger issues. I guess crazy is hereditery, you get it from your kids. One of the reasons the wife told me she left was because I don't talk to my kids, which is their choice, not mine. She was their best friend and I did my best to be a parent, which was something I never thought I could or wanted to be. I guess my problem right now is all the time I wasted on a family that has just walked away from me when I thought I always had their best interests at heart. Wolfstarr take care and I things are going a lot better for you then they are for me right now. I don't thing I would wish this on anybody, well maybe one or two.

Originally Posted by Wolfstarr

Welcome Highlander...

Highlander, I can say with all genuine compassion and truth that your children will know the stable force in their life, and will be so thankful...but it all comes together at it's own time and space.

Bless you and what you are going through right now. Know one thing is for certain, what you are going through now will not last forever. It will change. You have so much so very much life to live! You may not know it, but you already have experience, strength and hope for others.

You cannot make her happy. Only she can do that for herself. and...
Only you can do the same for you.

Start now appreciating yourself because you are so worth it! My thoughts and deep prayers are with you, my dear man.

[Highlander99]

Thank you all for your kind words, it is nice to know that I am not alone. I have never used forums very much in the past but I believe I may have found some kindred spirits here. Let me know if I bore you to tears or go on to much as like I have said, I am kind of new to this but I am reaching out because I need any support I can get. Cheers and God Bless

[IO Storm]

Highlander...

It is very much a possibility that when your father died you

were absorbed in your wife's problems. Now that she is leaving

you feel as if the rug is pulled out from under you. You sound

as if you are going through a grief process....

There is healing light at the end of this tunnel. Therapy will

help, and sharing on the Friends and Families and Grief and Loss

Forums.

My best to you,

And welcome to SR!


Love,

:

Sherry

[Highlander99]

When my father passed I was devastated as I said before. I had never lost any one close to me like he was and she was not there for me. In all honesty in the bad times she was never there and maybe she just is not capable of any compassion. This feels very much like when my father passed but there is a strong feeling of betrayal and along with the grief there is a lot of pain and a feeling of how could I be so dumb to believe she would never leave. This is the second time she has left and the last time she wanted to come back and after some time I let her back in to my heart. She swore up and down she would never leave again but here I am once more facing a divorce. Last time I fought for my marriage because I loved my wife and I did not want my kids to come from a broken home. This time I feel like a fool and I do not have the strength or energy to battle to keep her when I could end right back where I am now, and I could never trust her again.

I realized she was sick and I could not just let her go. It was not until five years ago and after she had, had her stomach stapled that she began drinking heavily. She would binge drink and would not stop until all the alcohol was gone. It did not matter if we were at home or at an event she would drink until it was all gone or she passed out. I put up with this and finally she joins AA. Two months into AA she leaves me. She does not work as she is on SSI and I am looking at possibly paying her support for the rest of my or her life. I did not cause her problems, her parents did and yet I am the one who has to pay the price for things I had nothing to do with. It makes me so sad and angry at the same time.

Originally Posted by IO Storm

Highlander...

It is very much a possibility that when your father died you

were absorbed in your wife's problems. Now that she is leaving

you feel as if the rug is pulled out from under you. You sound

as if you are going through a grief process....

There is healing light at the end of this tunnel. Therapy will

help, and sharing on the Friends and Families and Grief and Loss

Forums.

My best to you,

And welcome to SR!


Love,

:

Sherry

[una_brinne]

You may not appreciate my insight into this matter but I thought I'd offer it anyway....
I read a comment of your's on another site and it made me feel very sad that you would have such anger towards a person afflicted with bipolar disease...I see now, after reading your thread, that you do have every right to be angry. I am bipolar and I am very grateful for my loving and supportive husband...I can't tell you why she left you after a life-time of marriage...but not ALL bipolar's are the same. Condeming an entire group of afflicted ppl seems a bit harsh. I have bipolar friends who are alot worse off than me and they don't see their lives ever improving...my best friend has decided to never have children for fear of passing the disease on and to never be married or have a sexual relationship for fear of becoming pregnant. And as far as the alcoholism goes, I was an alcoholic years before I knew what my other problems were...my disease didn't give me an excuse to abuse alcohol, but undiagnosed depression certainly had alot to do with it.

I hope that you find a way to deal with the grief that you are experiencing and I also hope that someday you will be able to have a relationship with your children. It's unfortunate that they've inherited these illnesses. I can tell you that this 'disease' isn't easy to deal with for the afflicted one either... and your wife may have left you during an extreme mania ... I doubt that anything about this whole situation makes much sense to her either...when she comes down and crashes into a depression she may actually realize what she's done.

Take care and Blessings
~H~

[shutterbug]

una Brinne...thank you SO much for your post. I totally second it! Hugs.

[misslisa]

Highlander!

your comment:

I guess my problem right now is all the time I wasted on a family that has just walked away from me when I thought I always had their best interests at heart.

Please do not think that you ever 'wasted your time"

If you were not in their life, as a stable roll model, oh my gosh could you just imagine? Take everything that life throws at you as a learning lesson. You HAVE learnt from all of the past experiances, and its time to grow from it all.

Just remember the saying from AA (and I believe the saying relates to everything)
" ONE DAY AT A TIME"

Do something nice for yourself, you have made it this far and your reaching out for help!

Power to you!!

misslisa