Update and more

[karlee]

I went to the doctor's visit, but wasn't seen by the doctor. The insurance didn't give them the preauthroization number for me to be seen. My 16 yr. daughter is still in the hospital .My husband and I put her there because of her behavior. She has been getting into drugs and alcohol. Plus, she is having a hard time getting over her cousin's death. I am feeling sick. I have ear ache etc...I went and talk to my Pastor. I felt hopeless. He was blunt in what he hade to say to me. I know that most of what he said was true. I know that I need inpatient rehab. I can't get clean on my own. Plus, my health issues like my Elipsey complcates things. However, I just can not do what my pastor wants. Then again right now I am not sure if I even care. This attitude is probably because I feel so sick right now..I deal with chronic pain on daily. Then with everything else that has happen...I feel like I am just about to collapse. Then my daughter has been telling her doctors lie after lie. I know that she is just angry right now. I pray that this will save her from a life like I have lead...Well, I need to call her now and then perhaps take a nap. I now feel like I have not slept in weeks.

[margo]

Hi Karlee - if you cannot get clean on your own, if you know you need inpatient rehab, then why aren't you doing it? How much more miserable and painful does life have to be before you stop sitting in this mess and start taking steps towards wellness? This isn't going to magically get better on its own - it's going to take a commitment on your part to do whatever it takes to get clean and make positive changes in your life. Rehab is probably the very best place for you to start the process.

[karlee]

My focus is on my daughter right now.. Then there is my disabled parents, financial situation, other children, and so on. Plus, there is my husband of which I will not go into again...I have actually have taken some steps and am doing better in some ways. However, in other ways I am not.
My major fear is that I do deal with severe chronic pain. I am afraid of having to live life without anything to relieve this pain. The problem is that I expect the pain medication to take away all pain. Well, that is not realistic to think that way. Th pain medication is to take the edge off, but will never completely take it away. I am just in a really bad/mad mood tonight. The brother that tried to attack me a few weeks ago, called me today asking for pills. If I had some, does he even think I will give him some? One medication that he keeps calling me about, surprising I do not really like taking. I know is very addicting...It just not my thing I guess.The things that gets me so mad, is that he will call and call. Does he think I will have a change of mind a few hours or days later? I just want to scream at him...I have forgiven him, but I do not trust him.. Anyway, I am just in a rotten mood and do not feel good. I have a doctor's appointment with my family doctor Wednesday..I still have not reschedule my other appointment for the pyschrist. I have been gone all day today...

[IO Storm]

Karlee:

Sorry babe, I am with Margo 100% on this one. I have

talked with you and prayed , and a lot of friends here on

SR as well for you and your daughter. Your excuses for not

going to rehab seem to be your fear in giving up the pain

meds. You can't imagine life without them. But your life

now with them is unmanageable. Your pastor has given

good advice. Don't you trust this man? Aw, honey, if

Margo or I could wave a wand that would lessen your

suffering through this we would somehow, but you really

need to get off of this stuff in a safe and protected

environment with your cutting history. You can be free

Karlee. Really free. Please do this for yourself. Give

yourself a chance at life. For you.

I love you, and do not want to see you come to any

furthur harm. What ever happens, keep posting.


Love,

:

Sherry