Living with my bipolar partner - advice please

[jocc12345]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum and could do with some advice. My partner of 6 years was diagnosed with bipolar about 3 years ago, he is also an alcoholic. After much trial and error, he found a combination of medication that suited him. About 18months after dianosis, he seemed to be coping really well until he decided he no longer needed the meds. No amount of begging and pleading from me would convince him otherwise. It took about 2 months of no meds before he became ill again. He returned to his meds but things haven't been the same since then.

The reason he was initially diagnosed was because he became delusional. We were in a happy, loving and honest relationship with 2 children. One evening, he was a home whilst I was at college. When I returned, he was very drunk and confused. He claimed that he suddenly "remembered" that 2 weeks earlier, I had slept with one of his colleagues! This was complete and utter rubbish. I thought he'd nodded off and dreamt this, but he was adamant it had happened. We then went to the doctor and he was diagnosed. During his good episodes, he has realised that this is just a delusion. Now, despite taking his meds, his paranoia worsened. He has now stated he is going to leave me on Friday because I'm a liar and a ****. He absolutley hates me at the moment and the only reason for this is his delusion. I've asked him to see his doctor but in his paranoid state he thinks this all part of my plan to make him beleive he is mad. To everyone around him he seems fine. Without any family support I'm feeling very lost and lonely at the moment. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Jo

[Samantha011]

Maybe he's not bipolar...Maybe he's borderline,I might be wrong but it's just a thought.

Relationships with others are intense but stormy and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections. The person may manipulate others and often has difficulty with trusting others. There is also emotional instability with marked and frequent shifts to an empty lonely depression or to irritability and anxiety. There may be unpredictable and impulsive behavior which might include excessive spending, promiscuity, gambling, drug or alcohol abuse, shoplifting, overeating or physically self-damaging actions such as suicide gestures. The person may show inappropriate and intense anger or rage with temper tantrums, constant brooding and resentment, feelings of deprivation, and a loss of control or fear of loss of control over angry feelings. There are also identity disturbances with confusion and uncertainty about self-identity, sexuality, life goals and values, career choices, friendships. There is a deep-seated feeling that one is flawed, defective, damaged or bad in some way, with a tendency to go to extremes in thinking, feeling or behavior. Under extreme stress or in severe cases there can be brief psychotic episodes with loss of contact with reality or bizarre behavior or symptoms. Even in less severe instances, there is often significant disruption of relationships and work performance. The depression which accompanies this disorder can cause much suffering and can lead to serious suicide attempts.

[jocc12345]

He's definatley bipolar. He's also thought he can read peoples minds, spent vast amounts of money on bizarre purchases, fantasized about stealing valuble items from art gallery, and spent many a sleepless night trying to convince anyone who will listen that Einsteins Theory of Relativity was wrong and that he could prove it. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I just want him to be well again or at least realise that I'm not against him. He is currently taking lamotrigine and olanzapine.

[margo]

Hi Jo, and welcome. This must be a very difficult situation for you. Is there any possibility that you are in any kind of danger? Ask yourself this question as honestly as possible and if there is any chance you are, please take the steps necessary to protect yourself. My suggestion would be that you contact his doctor asap and let him/her know what is going on. I think that would probably be the best place to start. I have a brother who is schizophrenic and I know how stressful it can be when medications are suddenly stopped. Good luck to you, and let us know how you're doing.

[Bozo]

Greetings from across the pond!! There are several discussions in the Mental Health forums concerning Bipolar. My head spins when I read the stuff, but it may just be of a help for you. Here is one link to get you started. Mike

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-bi-polar.html

[ccgirl]

There are many levels of severity in bipolar disorder. Have you talked to his psychiatrist? Maybe his meds need time to get back into his system.

A common problem in people with bipolar is that when they feel better, they really do believe they don't need their meds anymore, go off them, get sick, and so on and it's a vicioius cycle.

Mainly, worry about yourself and your children's safety first. You can't make a grown man take his meds, even if it's what's best for him. Also, alcohol is a big no-no, especially with mental illness, although it's a common form of self-medicating.

Very best of luck.

[Sunflower]

I am a nurse and I never try to diagnose anyone online--but I will tell you my adult son is a recovering alcoholic who is also bi-polar--currently he is on the medication he needs and like a new man.It seems a lot of alcoholics have other issues of mental illness/anxiety/depression ect..which is why they began to like drinking in the first place.Then the one problem becomes two problems and they are alcoholics as well.Once they reach that point there are not many Doctors who will treat them because of the alcoholism. It has taken me years to find one for my son.If they can stay sober long enough usually a doctor will help.
Bi polar is a very dangerous disease--as a nurse I can tell you the patients who I have treated with this disease are notorious for stopping their medications off/on.Used to be all they had was lithium and that didn't make them feel to good.Now they have new medications like Abilify-that work well with little side effects.
As a parent I can tell you living with someone with this disease is frightening at times--if they go off their meds or if they drink alcohol-they become a totally different person-angry-delusional-even violent--depends what type they are.as there are a few different ypes of bi polar.
Do you talk to his psych at all to see where he is at in his treatment? Do you go to a psych for yourself and dealing with all this?Make sure you are safePLEASE!!!!!!

[jocc12345]

Thanks for all your comments, its great just to have someone to understand what its like. His GP and psych are both aware of his drinking and they have never pressured him to stop. I think it really aggrevates his symptoms but his doctors have never really seen it as an issue. The fact that they mention "self medicating" makes him feel that its ok to drink.

I don't feel in any danger, just want the him to be his old self. Just made him an appointment to see psych, earliest is next week.