Love obsession: I need some help.

[Girl4Christ]

Since I was in second grade I have at almost all points in my life been obsessed with someone in a romantic way. I haven't told anyone about it except for a few close friends, but no one seems to understand. I know that it is normal to be obsessed with someone at some point, but how I am is excessive and not normal. It has taken over my life. I decided that I don't have to be like this, but I don't even know what it would be like to be well. My obsessing has driven me to drug and alcohol addiction and promiscuous sex, but I never realized that this might be part of my problem and something that I could change. Can anyone offer any help or advice. I can't go on like this. I need someone to talk to. Would anyone listen and tell me what to do? I don't feel comfortable talking to people in AA about this. Thank you.

[Phinneas]

Welcome to SR, girl4christ. Glad you're here.

Others will be along shortly with their experience and suggestions.

Do you have a counselor that you trust? That would be my thought on a good place to start.

Hang in there and keep reading and posting, k? SR is a fantastic place for information and healing.

[charltonwilson]

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. search on dogpile.com. there is LOTS of help. also, you can look at coloradoservicegroup.org for lots of info. SLAA should have a link at the CSG website.

good luck, let us know how you are doing...

[Bozo]

I too would like to take the time to welcome you to Sober Recovery. I have chased women since third grade. I wouldnt call it an obsession, but I was always highly attracted to the opposite sex.

At any rate as I found booze, women and sex I thought I had found the key to happiness. Unfortunately I hurt a great deal of people along the way. I was and am an alcoholic and have always tried to be somewhat controlling in my relationship, I think they call this "taking hostages".

Anyways I have been sober for 19 years this month, but I really have never really been that good in relationships, they have always been a challenge for me. I kinda have this bad habit of not letting myself become emotionally involved with partners or with my own children.

I dont really know what I am trying to say here, just that I used booze, drugs and sex to keep me from feeling my feelings. No wonder I never knew who I was.

Girl4Christ, thanks for posting, it would be great to hear back from you again soon. Mike

[ccgirl]

I have been very lucky. I'm 45 years old and I have been with the love of my life for 26 of those years, 20 married.

But, I've watched a lot of my single friends for years stumble around trying to find someone, anyone. Therein lies the problem. Don't try so hard. It'll come to you when you're not looking for it.

Also, you have to like yourself and being alone with yourself before anyone else can. And lastly, as I recommend all the time, if you can, get a dog or a cat. They will love you unconditionally and take your focus off your troubles.

[1Marty]

You may be interested in Celebrate Recovery. Its a Christ based 12 step group that deals with all sorts of issues. I am just starting out with it myself. And in no means an expert. But there are other women there with those kinds of problems who may be able to help.

[Girl4Christ]

I have considered going to SLAA, but I am afraid there will be perverts at the meetings honestly. I'm not addicted to having sex. I just can't stop having obsessions. The person I am focused on is not someone I love or have a crush on. They're an object to me that I use to make myself feel good. I don't care about them. I care about how they make me feel.

I don't think it is a problem of "meeting the right person" who will love me back. I just need to stop doing it.