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|12-17-2006, 02:47 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Oct 2006
Here it goes. please help someone
Well, I have to say. Its been a long time coming. I went to my doctor the other day and complained to him about alcohol withdrawl again, I was going through the DT's and I broke down to him about my past major depression and suicidal thoughts and paranoia. I was uncontrobally crying and finally told someone about the problems I knew I had for so long but never said. I never really thought about all the problems that I had until now. I knew they were there, but, I didn't want to believe something was wrong.
The last 5 or 6 years I had lied to myself about the following:
Severe anxiety/social withdrawl/ overwhelming feelings to hurt myself in social situations
Crying for no reason at all
Thinking people are stealing my money/drugs/alcohol
Gambling until the point I had lost my money
Hearing voices from time to time and feeling things that wern't there
Meth and alcohol induced psycosis
Anger and hostility, jelousy, envy
Isolation/ severe hopelessness/ severe loneliness
Talking to myself outloud in public and private places
Believing life isn't real or that i'm not accualy myself
Theres a lot more that I don't even want to go into now guys.
My doctor said that I may have a pschyiatric disorder and I need to see a psychiatrist right away. Since there is a long history of mental disorders in my family, including schizophrenia, he says it may be serious. He says I need to be on medication. Im only 19, and I feel like I cant admit it to myself: That I feel different, in a way where I want to hurt myself and make other people feel sorry for me, and being depressed to the point of trying to die off alcohol poisining. Recently I was thrown in the mental hospital for threating to kill myself. This is all so overwhelming. Some days I feel OK and other days I really feel like I need to die and stop all the pain that I Feel. MY doctor said I may have a major psychiatric disorder and I need to seek help. He is accualy trying to call me next week to make sure I do. Heres the thing: I dont want to be diagnosed with anything. I just dont want to think about all the things i've ever felt because I have never done that. I really just want to intoxicate myself the rest of my life and die. I dont know what to do. I dont know whats happening with me. Everything in my life is a dream. I dontknow whats real and what isnt, thats why Im scared of going to a psychiatrist. My mom used to take medication for anxiety disorders and things like that and she said that if I take them I will only get worse. Im just scared and I want to leave my house the next week and avoid my doctor. Hes going to want me to see a pyschiatrist and all they will do is give me drugs to make it worse. Right now they prescribed me 3 days worth of Serax for alcohol withdrawl and I dont know if I want to drink again or not. Everything in my life is empty. What do I do...I dont know what to do. Should I see a pyschiatrist, or am I just going to get medicine that will make me insane. Because I know im not insane, and I just think that sometimes people are going to make me accualy get a disease if I let them. I dont know, please somebody help.
|12-17-2006, 04:33 AM||#2 (permalink)|
On The Bus
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
I know the fear you are going through right now and I know the pain must be so frightening and unbearable. I personally believe there is no greater fear than the one of becoming a real human being.
I wished I could be there right now to hold you like a daughter/son? and let you know you are going to be alright.
You have a lot going on in your life right now so the first thing I am going to suggest is to "Keep It Simple." For now you must totally stay in the present moment and focus on yourself and your emotional wellbeing.
Dont be distracted by friends, family or world events. Keep the focus on yourself and if you do nothing else today, do one kind thing for yourself, even something as a long hot bath.
What you are going through is very scary and frightening, dont try to fix the whole problem at once, just take very small baby steps and address one issue at a time.
If you have faith at all in a power greater than this worldly earth, then I gently suggest you attempt to ask that power to guide you through your day and as to what the next step is you must take.
We dont know you, but we love you, and people at SR will always love you and try to be here to help you.
Please keep posting and let us know if you are ok..............Mike
Signature made by my son Alex.
|12-22-2006, 11:22 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2005
Just some thoughts
You have no idea the chord you struck in me when I read your post. You so strongly reminded me of my only & older sister. She has been an addict since she was in her late teens. You name it...she did/does it. She is almost 26 now and has been in denial about pretty much all of those things you claim to have refused to confront yourself. As I read your post all the way through I kept thinking to myself, what a brave person you are. The difference between you and my sister is that you are facing those things that torment your life, you are here at SR seeking out people's thoughts and advice. She, on the other hand has little to no faith in anybody, she trusts no one...Please Northern Light...don't lose trust in others.
We cannot make it through this world on our own, no matter what hill we think we can climb. You seem to be really debating going to see this doctor. I say go for it. Give it a try. We try to medicate ourselves and usually in destructive ways. We all have our own vices. I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you to talk to this doctor...who ever they are. Listen to what they have to say, and remember, whatever they advise you to do it is coming from a biological understanding, for our physical disposition helps determine our behavior.
When they give you suggestions, research them. Inform yourself. You don't have to do what they recommend, but at least think about it all.
My sis had several opinions on her mental health that pointed in the direction of RX drugs, and she never even listened. Never once did she trust in someone else. She is still struggling at 26 to admit what you have come to terms with at 19.
My only wish for you Northern Light that you come love and enjoy your place in this universe, for you were meant to be here. Never lose hope in yourself, for yourself.
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us". -Ralph Emerson
|12-23-2006, 10:59 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2002
Blog Entries: 2
You will still be in control of your medical care even after seeing a psychiatrist. You can research all the medication they suggest and be an active participant in your treatment plan. We are all much more than a diagnosis. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Just go in and see what they say.
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