mental health after sick codependant relationship

[frstnm]

I have just experienced a very rough breakup for me due to what Im starting to believe was a sick relationship due to individual mental health issues enableing, codependancy, denial, depression and anxiety and being new to sobriety.

Right NOW I am really risking going out to get a drink because I cannot handle all the depresion and anxiety.

Im also afraid that I may be addicted to her meds too ! AAAARRRGGHH!!!

I dont think I can handle the holidays away from my home groups - Im afraid Im going to lose it and either mentally or emotionally "snap" or find a way to use dealing w family (and get caught).
I have probably poured my heart out to family in the first weeks of attempted sobriety. This part I wish had been more descrete but what's done is done.

These are some of the things why I drank to numb the emotions and I could use ALOT of support on this !
Thank you.
frstnm

[Bozo]

no one responded to this, you sound like youre pretty strung out emotionally. oh well it is probably too late to help you by now, im surprised you didnt post back complaining about the no responses.

Anyways, i was always told by my sponsor in AA, that if I have a problem and i drink, then I have two problems.

Think about it. Please post and let us know how you are doing. Mike

[LIL_Pebbles]

Hi,

I am also perplexed as why no-one other than Bonzo came on hre to post. I usually go to substance abuse Forum, anyway...I am a codie, and adddict, I have just been used by a family member, I am also a addict too, I need to learn that ppl in my life i can not control or really help, i am a sick person, one way is i thrive onhelping ppl, this person knew this and used me when no-ne would talk to her.

Best adivice? You may be addicted to your g/f and any charater defects she had, you may se that as your own? if so then it gets more rough, not downing you here, but this is what i have to do. Stop putting my energy in saving, trying to save lifes, when i am in much need and deserve to save my own, that means geting serious about all my addictions, put all way to rest, i have only me, no-one feels like I for the exception of other Codies your one, yeah it is rough, but there is light at the end of the tunnel when you wake up.

[Bozo]

Originally Posted by LIL_Pebbles

Bonzo
.

Bedtime for Bonzo or is that Bozo? Lil Pebbles you crack me up!!!

[frstnm]

well, when I first came back to the program I was an emotional holicaust

i did alot of crying and complaining and some appeared to me to be put off by this; both on SR and @ meetings
both places seem to be going the other direction
I think folks are seeing that I am serious about this life saving endeavor and that I am trying to ask for help wo whining or complaining and I am taking the advise that Im given
I still have my moments but they are becoming more managable and decreasing in number - thank god !
sometimes I wish she would be back in my life and others Im ecstatic to see her gone
dont get me wrong I still miss her deeply and now I am able to see that it may not have been the best thing since sliced bread
To me this is a sign that I am clearing the fog and seeing things for what they are
I appreciate you getting back on this one !

[ccgirl]

frstnm, I'm not really sure I understand your situation, and we got off to an um "rocky" start on the other thread. Just make sure you surround yourself with people who understand.

P.S. I see you're from Metrowest. I'm from Cape Cod!

[LIL_Pebbles]

Originally Posted by Bozo

Bedtime for Bonzo or is that Bozo? Lil Pebbles you crack me up!!!

oops lol sorry i mix words up alot, i don't even re-check what i wrote for spelling and all....

[Bozo]

Originally Posted by frstnm

i did alot of crying and complaining and some appeared to me to be put off by this; both on SR and @ meetings
both places seem to be going the other direction

Sometimes I wonder the same thing, if the AA program is slipping backwards or is it just my perception of events??

My friend, I have experienced emotional pain from broken relationships, incidentally which I myself destroyed with alcohol and drug abuse, and it is a devastating feeling.

Ya know, when I was in my first year of recovery, about 3 months, my body came alive again and all I could focus on was women. Now I dont mean that in a lecherous(sp) way, but I was a man with feelings and needs.

Thank God my sponsor reeled me in and helped me understand the need to keep the focus on myself and my recovery path.

I used to say to him, "But Im alive, Im alive!! I can feel again!!" He just laughed and told me to go home and take a cold shower.

I guess the only thing that can cure pain is time, but you are not alone when it comes to pain from failed relationships, we all have been through it, and lived for another day. You'll be OK.

[frstnm]

hey cc - no harm done, I really felt bad that we got off to a rocky start - definetly not my intention ;-)
I know right where you are - I grew up sailing the east coast
honestly I know the waters better than the roads in some places
I have to work on the surrounding myself - its been a little hard to get myself motivated and get out the door....
some is due to $$, some to my job search, some to cleaning up after the xag walked out and left me to deal with our apartment-the cleaning, ALL of the bills and our cat (which we both cared for as a child) - it really hurt to see her shipped to maine and abandoned - I have her back now;-);
even though it is just a pet - I am responsible for her wellbeing and she comes before alot of things. I really do have a heart, a sense of responsibility and compassion for other living things.

bozo - recently Ive seen the pattern change the more I keep coming and ask for the help I need and tools to deal with daily issues rather than poor me and all the emtional crap that was flooding out of me in the first few weeks - I believe that sometimes its too uncomfortable for strangers to approach for whatever reason and sometimes they come around when I have a more positive outlook on things and ask for help
just like any communication - it is better if some things are approached by saying Im wondering if whoever can help me get x acomplished
for the last couple years I didnt know there was anything BUT cold showers -

thanks all