new problem

[angel08955]

i've alwyas had a lying problem through out my life, but last night hit a new low. i lied about something serious. it's a long story and i was wrong in saying stuff happened. what happened was a guy made a move on me but it was miscommunication. i blew it out of proportion and said he tried to rapes me cause that has happened before. i lied to two friends about this and i lost them, which i understand.

i used to lie about my grades and about certain things out of fear of losing friends. i am sorry if this makes people feel i am a fraud. this is the only thing in a long time that i lied about and now i am in trouble. i need help....

[best]

Best you can do for all involved... ask for forgiveness, explain your feelings, and explain what is the truth. It may seem tough at first but it sure will feel better once you realize how the truth sets us free. We can't take back words we have already put out there but we can bring correction as best as we are able.

[angel08955]

i have...i'm just a bad girl and now everyone knows

[best]

Are you a bad girl or a girl who made a mistake?
Either way...today can be the start of change.
A start of each day with a prayer... Help me do what is best.
End each day with reflection and a prayer... Today I did ok but for this area...Help me to do better tomorrow.
Sounds so simple a solution but it does work when we use it every day.
I gave away the trust others had in me. The only way I could get it back....earn it back over time. It has been well worth the effort. Many have forgiven me and I have regained their trust again. It can take years or it can take days. I now strive to never give it away again.

[shutterbug]

Lovelife....do you mind if I ask if you've been diagnosed with anything?

I ask only because there may be some things going on that are contributing to things like your lying that you may not be aware of....and that there maybe help available for.

Also, are you seeing a therapist? I know many people are turned off by even a mention of seeing a therapist, but I can tell you that those of us who embrace the idea of reaching out for support from a person who has a ton of wisdom along the lines of human actions and interactions and thought...can offer more help to us than we realize until we embrace it.

I searched out a good therapist early on in my recovery efforts and I try to maintain weekly appointments with her. She has helped me in SO many ways and is a GREAT resource for pointing me in directions I wouldn't have known about on my own.

Please consider finding a good therapist in your area whom you feel you connect with (remember there are excellent, good and bad workers in all fields...therapy isn't any different so you may need to try a few before you find one that fits with you).

The past rape is enough reason alone to seek out a psychotherapist who is versed in helping people heal from such deep wounds as sexual abuse. There are a ton of resources and therapists out there which specialize in abuse recovery. And you will surely find out that the event has affected you in many more ways than you have ever realized...and how the past is continueing to affect how you respond outwardly to situations like this one.

You could try explaining one last time to your friends that you know what must think, but that you truely charish their friendships...and explain about the past rape and tell them that you didn't realize it still had such a hold on you, but that when this guy was hitting on you....it sent you back to that time and probably some of those same feelings...for reasons you don't yet understand yourself. It is common for abuse survivors to experience flashbacks emotionally, physically and mentally....where you feel very much like you are back in that same event. Specifically this is known as Post Tramatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and most people don't know anything about PTSD except in relation to soldiers who have returned from war. Truth is...you don't have to witness extreme, bloody deaths and mutilations to develop PTSD. And it is common among rape victims and abuse survivors. I won't go into my story, but I even develped PTSD from an emotionally and mentally abusive work envirnment a couple years back. So much so that even now I have visual and emotional flashbacks sometimes while at work at a new job that is a VERY healthy and wonderful place to work.

The point is...that there are some things at work within you that you have come to accept as norman and as being your fault. And the truth is that it ONLY becomes your fault if you know about it and choose not do anything to help yourself recover from the affects these things are currently having on you and your life. The point is to start right now working toward loosing the hold these things have on you and your life. Don't let them control you....and definetly don't sit by and accept them as something you have no control over.

Now...the lying is just like any other personal weakness any and ALL of us deal with. The main thing though....is not to ignore it and to work toward improving this area in your life. Search out information and resources and others who deal with this same issue. Talk to them about how they have helped themselves improve their lying habits.

You are better and more wonderful than you give yourself credit for. Start standing up for yourself TO YOURSELF!!!

No one can hurt us as bad as we can hurt ourselves.

Hugs and prayers,
Jenna

[angel08955]

It was an attempted rape that happened in the past. but i still get flashbacks. i tried explainging to the friends, but i lost their trust and yeah it hurts.

[ru4outoo]

I am one of those that Lovelife lied too. we have talked and I am angry at her and I have told her that she needs help and only her can change. I am very hurt and disappointed that she did this. It is going to take a long time for me to forgive her if ever. and I honestly do not believe she wants help.

[historyteach]

One thing I've learned is that we are all on this board because we are seeking recovery from something.
And that some are sicker than others.

We are not here to judge. We are here to give and get support.

Making a "confession" here amongst her peers is a difficult thing to do. It's a start; not an end. And each and every day will determine if lovelife really want to change and is willing to do the work of changing.

It may include therapy. It may include medication. It may be as simple and effective as what Best suggested. That request for assistance and the reflection at the end of the day. Focus on behaviors and change what you're doing.

We're here to support you, lovelife. One day at a time.

Shalom!

[shutterbug]

Okietiger....whether you continue the friendship is up to you, but History Teach is right. Lovelife has come here for support and help...and I personally can feel pain in her words through many of her posts.

I may be wrong, but I'm going to stick my neck out and guess both of you are quite young? Teenagers possibly? Best and History Teach are both wise and caring people who have been working on their own recovery for many, many years. I am 30, but have only been working on my own for about 2 now. And in those relatively short 2 years I have have grown in so many ways that I would have thought impossible before. The difference from before and now is that I (just like Best and History Teach) have set out to learn from our mistakes and grow through our efforts.

Lovelife...you can do this too. It's not as hard as it may seem. Just look inside, recognize what you would like to improve on and then continue seeking outside support as you are now.

Okietiger, I honestly don't think Lovelife hurt you or anyone else on purpose. I can tell that she values friendship way too much to have done this to just be cruel. There had to be some inner feelings going on inside that led to her actions. And an attempted rape still has some of the same painful aftermaths and emotions as a successful rape.

Try to put yourself in her shoes for a moment and listen to what many of us have said in here threads in this forum.

And please know that the fact that she is seeking support here is to be commended in its entirety... for much of the population never look inwardly to take responsibility for themselves....even those twice and three times my age. So for her to be doing this now is commendable and isn't something to scoff at by any standard....nor that you are here and probably doing the same wonderful service for yourself as well.

Hugs to you both. May both your days be full of many blessings and joys to come.

Jenna

[angel08955]

Thanks to all.

[BSPGirl]

Hmm I dunno what all happened but I think it's good that lovelife confessed her lying, tho. to all involved.

Marte

[frstnm]

My lying about my drinking and drugging even though it has caused health issues - mentally and physically and career wise got me to where I am today - Single lonley and depressed.
The truth usually seems the best thing to tell but for me it is easier said than done.
Now I can at least look towards and focus on sobriety, grieving, better health, job opportunities (and relationships - eventually)

Why do they have what is calleed little white lies ?

[reader]

Forgiveness is next to Godliness Tiger. We all make mistakes girls, it is time to let this go. Feelings are getting hurt and in the long run is it really worth it. Lovelife take it is easy on yourself, u have beat yourself up about it enough. I see that u put your trust in Christ so I will speak frankly. The Lord doesn't make us perfect we are designed to make mistakes and with his help we learn, live on. Just wondering how u are and I hope this nonsense is behind u now and those mean girls have stopped there lording one mistake over your head. Take care of u and put your faith in God, hun. Kerry

[angel08955]

Thanks Kerry/ I've just given up on alot of stuff. My best friend is leaving to go back to the Ukraine for 6 months on sunday. It sucks. I have not spoken to Tiger since his post and I still hate myself.

[shutterbug]

lovelife....can i suggest that you google "self love" and read a little about how to achieve it?

It doesn't and won't happen over night, but you are worth being loved by yourself and others. There are also a ton of books out there on the subject and many to be found at local libraries. I have had to make it an underlying goal in my life...to just love myself a little more at a time and focus on learning how to do that.

((((Hugs))))

[angel08955]

Things are better for me and okie tiger. Still kind of down, but I should get better.