I need help now

[angel08955]

I am at the breaking point. I can feel a break down comming on and it's going to be a big one. I've been crying for about an hour now and no one in my house seems to care. Everything has happened this week and I feel so alone. I have no one to hold me when I cry (cause I don't want my boyfriend to be upset cause he has his own issues to worry about), no one even cares that I am hurting. I am sick of hearing things like "get over it" "rub some dirt on it" "stop crying" and so on. I don't know what to do.

[margo]

Hi Lovelife - I'm posting a link here for you with some phone numbers for crisis lines. We're limited in what we can do for you on a message board and I really think you need to talk to someone with experience in crisis counselling and get some support in addition to SoberRecovery. I am sorry you are hurting so bad. Please give one of these numbers a call, now.

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/hotlines/state.asp

[meli2005]

Really sorry no one is responding, that's hard. We all need to cry on someone's shoulder at some point, been there, done that, will have to do it again in the future, it's part of life, unfortunately!! Anwya, I think the crisis line is a good thing. I think you should call and talk, you might feel better and keep coming onto Sober Recovery too...

[Nina Kay]

lovelife,
I'm just now seeing this thread of yours as well. Please keep coming back to this thread and your other thread too and do some venting. Tell us how you really feel and why. Talk it out. Read other people's threads in this forum and others too. They will help you to gain some perspective on your problems. I do think that it really might help you, if you sought out a counselor as well. I've talked to a counselor before and it really helps alot.

Keep coming back. ((((((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))))))))))

[angel08955]

Another online friend got pissed at me tonite because i left to go out with an ex from highschool after complaining bout a female friend standing me up. He said I was cruel for not staying home and talking to him. He said in oder to keep his friendship I have to delete all my ex's from the internet even if I am friends with them.

[shutterbug]

that's just absurd for anyone to ask you to do that. This "friend" has no right and shouldn't think they could ask for such a thing. If this person continues demanding you be any person than who YOU really and truely are inside then they do not deserve your friendship, but rather have some issues of their own to deal with.

This is offically my 2,000th post and I dedicate it to you and in honor of your wonderful courage to seek out support from others here and to know that one day you will look back on all of this knowing that the struggle was worth it because it launched you into a brighter and more peaceful future....where true and loving friends will be by your side.

Love yourself dear....and cast aside anyone who does not stand with you in doing so.

Hugs,
Jenna

[Nina Kay]

Well love, I tend to agree with Shutterbug. Others should not be giving you ultimatums and if they do, you should never play into that trap. It is that person's problem, not yours. He is obviously just jealous and that makes him not have your best interest or happiness at heart. As long as you are treating others just the way that you would like for them to treat you, then you have nothing to regret and you need to do what is best for you.

[angel08955]

well i lost another friend cause i was stupid and lied bout sbit.....

[shutterbug]

Just remember.....we are all human.

[angel08955]

tell that to some people cause now they're gonna call my house and the cops for lying

[Nina Kay]

Love,
The cops don't arrest people for lying. Why did you lie to your friends? You are only human, like shutter said. Nobody is perfect. We just work towards doing the best we can each day. We just try to do the next right thing, as is said in the 12-step programs.

You remind me of how I was in some ways, when I was young like you. I was overly sensitive. I expected too much from others and from myself too. No human could have lived up to my expectations. I tried hard to and it caused me to be too uptight and it caused others not to want to be around me long because of the pressure that it put on them. I was basicly too uptight and too judgemental. Please try to lighten up. I hope that it doesn't take you as long to get it, as it did me. Life is so much easier and enjoyable when you truly learn to "Live and Let Live".

[angel08955]

i talked to my pastor he said i would be ok

[shutterbug]

and he's right.
But that doesn't make it any less painful right now. We understand that. Just hang in there as best you can for the time being and things will get better.

[Nina Kay]

Please keep coming back here often to talk and to listen. You will be alright.
((((((((((Loving Hugs)))))))))))))))))

[OnRecoveryRoad]

Lovelife,

Sorry to see you suffering. I, many of times, have been ignored by the people around me when I was emotionally suffering. I now realize, they are not capable of facing their own emotions and have deep emotions issues as well.

I tried and I tried for along time to make the people "around me" see my suffering...but they are trapped in their own suffering and don't have the ability. Yes, that's what lead me to drinking and other self-destructive behaviors. I am surrounded by people (family) who have deep emotional scars themselves and have never developed the ability to be in touch with their feelings..

You need to find help OUTSIDE of where you are currently seeking helpl. I kept going to the same source over and over, hoping it would change. That's insanity, doing things the same way hoping for another outcome.

Find OTHER sources to talk to, support groups dealing with your problems, maybe a school counselor...

I hope this helps...I understand what its like NOT to be understood. Its hurtful. In the end, I figured out that I wasn't the problem...it was the people around me who made me feel bad....

[angel08955]

i'm just a mistake

[OnRecoveryRoad]

Originally Posted by lovelife

i'm just a mistake

:

Stop that!! You are NOT a mistake. Every person is born with a certain set of gifts and talents. Don't be so hard on yourself...

Be kind to yourself. You're worth it!

[angel08955]

no i'm not. ask people on here.

[Nina Kay]

Hi love,
You are definitely NOT a mistake. You do need to be kind to yourself and you ARE worth it. I can't think of anyone on here who would even think otherwise. You are born with certain gifts and talents. It's just up to you to look deeper and be honest with yourself enough to admit what they are. Then you can put them into action and really get the joy out of your life that you were intended to have. Keep coming back here and keep talking. Are you reading other people's post on the "Friends & Family of Substance Abusers." You will be amazed at how much you'll learn and how you'll be able to grow to love and appreciate yourself by visiting that forum frequently.
(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

[reader]

You are not a mistake!!! Remember God does not make mistakes. You need to keep talking about how u feel and call your pastor for support when needed.

[shutterbug]

Originally Posted by lovelife

i'm just a mistake

Hi sweetie...first...I know that some of the people on here you might be refering to...are also people you are having these emotional struggles with. So don't talk yourself into believe that rubish.

Second....I feel your deep depression in your words and even in the words you don't say.

It was just about a year ago now when I was convienced that I had no right to be using up space or oxygen in this world because I was worthless! That was the depression (and years of negative self-talk and bad childhood wiring) talking.

You feel hopeless....that is depression.
You feel worthless.....that is the depression.
You feel unloved....THAT is the depression.
You feel unworthy...THAT is the depression!!!

You are not well right now, but you can and WILL get better! Depression is the most horrendous monster that I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. It is the most miserable and lonely place I can even imagine...and much of which I wish I couldn't imagine. Only those who have seen the depths of these black holes with no light in sight and the weight of the world coming down of us...and no one paying any mind to our suffering.....well, it's a club I wish I could say I wasn't a member of...or anyone else either.

Just please know that depression is a physical illness that you CAN NOT control no matter how much will power you may have. It's a monster of the relentless and non-discriminating kind. It can swallow us whole if we let it.

What you need to remember is that...the way you feel about yourself now is NOT reality, but rather a manifestation of this illness. Just like asthma sufferers need medicine to help them breath....depressives need medicine to help us live and to want to live and to be capable of happiness like we can remember being at times before.

Think of it like being under a spell. It's a wicked spell that your mind is under that has been caused by a simple chemical imbalance. It's not your fault...and don't let the spell trick you into believing any of these lies you are telling us and your self.

You are beautiful and caring and wonderful and special and unique and important and worthy and lovely and intelligent.....you just can't see those things right now through the spell.

Please seek some advice from a psychiatrist as soon as you can. You won't regret it....and it may just change the rest of your life for the better.

Hugs and more hugs and lots of love coming to you,
Jenna

[shutterbug]

One more thing... whenever you start thinking those horrible lies about yourself...please stop and take note.

Then tell yourself, "It's possible that none of that is true and I will be gentle with myself for now." (Then later you change the "it's possible..." to a simple "Not True.")

[reader]

Lovelife Are u ok today? How are u doing-- check in ok Love out to u today

[angel08955]

I've been avoiding this site lately because I never know when someone will be on it. I'm not online much anymore because I am "addicted" to it. anyways, I'm doing ok. The 28th of every month I am goinf to celebrate another month of recovery for my depression. I am not close to where I want to be but if I can improve every month it's worth a party.

[reader]

Good idea Lovelife!!!! Baby steps are fine-- Is there someone u are avoiding on here. Well, take care>>> Bye