Why can't I...

[angel08955]

get over the 24th and 11th of every month. The 24th is what would be another month added on to my ex and I's realationship. The 11th is when we broke up. I hit rock bottom when those dates. it just sucks. i can't even talk to people. very few can i talk to.

[shutterbug]

well probably because you put more of yourself into the relationship than you had to give....so now you are drained emotionally and those 2 dates remind you of the loss of something you had envisioned as great.

A good thing you could do is pre-plan some fun activities for yourself on these 2 days each month. Do things that will make you feel good about yourself or just make you feel good inside...this can even be spending time with family or friends that make you happy.

From this point on start turning ALL of those feelings of desire for him/her back onto yourself with a mission of living life to the fullest and happiest and start living for YOU!

We all have to learn to love ourselves before anyone else can truely love us the way we deserve (thanks for reminding me of this today...I needed it)....this helps me put taking care of myself into perpective and put my future lovelife and happiness into my own hands rather than just waiting for someone to come along to make me whole. Because no one can - except me and God.

Giant Hugs,
Jenna

p.s. If no one has suggested it yet....I think you would enjoy reading "Codependency No More" by Melanie Beattie (sp?). I put it off for a long time, but was finally glad I read it once I got around to it. It can help put a lot of things about relationships into perspective in situations like these.

[angel08955]

Today would have been our sixth month together. He told me he loved me and everything, but when we broke up I wasn't making HIM happy. HE was frusterated a lot and it was "mutual" in the aspect that I wanted him happy and being with me wasn't doing that. Things happened afterward that hurt. I never got the closure either. Now he is on his second girlfriend and this one hurt him really bad last year by breaking his heart.

[shutterbug]

sweetie...the sooner you let go of him the sooner you can start enjoying life again. Don't let this one person who you only spent 6 months with rob you of any more joy.

When I was 18.....if somebody would have told me that I would have about 13 serious relationships and none would result in marriage (which is good b/c I see now how miserable i would have been with any of those guys)....then I wouldn't have let my heart get so broken over each one!

Chances are that you are going to be in at least several more relationships before you find a lasting one, but even then it's up to you to carefully evaluate the relationship with your eyes wide open and looking into the future. And dear....if you are putting this much of yourself into a guy you were only with for 6 months then there is no way you are being true to yourself....and eventually you would have grown tired of being 'the person' you thought you needed to be to try and make him happy. And by that time...the pain of the ending relationship would be much stronger and there might be kids involved at that point.

I say all this because I know what you are feeling and how bad that hurts and how much you thought THIS was the one....or at least hoped he was. Truth is....now looking back with all I've learned...I know I was only mourning the loss of someone I had created in my mind, because the real person WAS NOT the same as what I saw him as.

This is a blessing, however you may have a hard time seeing how that could be so.

But just imagine that your true Mr. Right won't walk into your life until 2 or 3 years into the future. Well.....if you and mr. butthead stayed together and tried to make it work over and over again.....Mr. Right may not ever have a chance to introduce himeself to you. And perhaps a situation comes along with the same mr. right 10 years further into the future....and by then you are available and you fall in love and live happily ever after. Well, wouldn't it have been better to have met him the first time around and not had to go through that 10 years going from one bad relationship to the next until he bumped into you again.....and this time YOU were ready?

Don't gamble with your happiness....be picky in who you choose to give your heart to. Sometimes it's hard b/c if you're like me then it hurts so badly not to feel loved or desired....so even the tiniest bit of affection feels like heaven, but it's all just smoke and mirrors and will always lead to more pain unless we stay true to ourselves and wait for that person that fits into our lives.....instead of trying to change ourselves to fit into the wrong person's life.

I hope i'm making some sense....for this comes from my heart and a place that's been hurt so many times over..... just because I didn't yet understand what I've now written above.