Relationships suck, i can't trust anymore!!

[waterface]

Hi
I'm feeling pretty lonely at the moment.
I'm on anti anxiety medication & that seems to stop me rom feeling so low & wanting to hurt myself.

I have dated girls that have messed me around, not contacted me, i get my hopes up & the vibes i get are all good & then no contact.
It just seems to follow on & on. It's not the girl i don't think, there can't be such coincidental situations, it must be me!
I'm a nice guy, i am also don't take ****, i'm no doormat, but each girl, the same happens, i see them, take them out, all goes well & then nothing!

I feel i'm destined to be alone forever. Ok, i have a fiew friends that i can only see in social bar situations, but i feel alone wth them!, because at the end of the night, they go home hand in hand & i'm alone.
I am ranting, i know, i just feel that everyone i meet does this & now i have a massive untrust with relationships.
I see so many happy people, looking lovingly at each other & happy & then i look at myself & feel so anxious & ****. My only friend that is reliable is my CPN & my councelor & my bottle of whiskey at the moment.
Gaz

[Time2Surrender]

Its not you. Its the girls you are attracting and choosing. Maybe take a look at why you are attracting these women?

[waterface]

Hi
Why i'm attracting these women, i just ask a girl out i fancy & we hit it off & thats that.
How can i choose, i feel attracted to a certain girl & end up hurt, i can't help who i'm attracted to, & ask out!
Hillsboro, Oregon, my city has a Hillsborough that has a very famous football team. www.swfc.premiumtv.co.uk. check it out!or [url]www.thestadiumguide/hillsborough.com
Cheers
Gaz

[melissaealy]

With the way I feel right now ICAM love does seem to suck.I'm on meds as well for depression and anxiety but nothing seems to help as of yet. This anxiety sucks most of all because I always feel like someone is judging me or staring at me.I dont know i cant really explain it.Its weird. I'm with my ah husband but I feel like you like I'm ment to be alone and well never find happiness.Hang in there your not alone.Hope you feel better.Take care

[waterface]

Hi
Thanks, everyone seems to be married or in a relationship, & depressed & anxious, at least someone is there & with you all on it, & you actualy initially got to a situation of love & a relationship!
I'm glad you are, i just feel i will always be alone & sad!, everyone rejects me, they are all with someone & happy, or happy with them selves, i just don't know i can anymore. I am glad for you that at least you have this.
Gaz

[melissaealy]

actually I am alone at the moment and have been for 2 days.But when ah is drunk you may as well be alone because even when he is home I feel a million miles away thats why IA love does suck.At least for us.

[laurie6781]

You know Gaz, I found that I had to live alone for quite sometime to learn how to like myself and then love myself.

I realized that a relationship was not going to fix me. As I gained self-worth living alone and started liking myself, I found myself picking different partners than I had ever picked before. Those partners were reflecting my insides.

Possibly it is time for you to get some counselling and work on you. Once you feel better about you, you will find yourself picking different girls than you now pick.

I couldn't fix my self worth from the outside, it was an inside job. I know many this has worked for, maybe it's time to give it a try.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

[waterface]

Hi Laurie
I do see a couincelor & we have got to the nitty gritty of loving oneself & being ok alone before i should be in relationship.
Relationships i crave, like a drug to make me have self worth, i know this, i just don't know how i can get rid of this feeling.

I have been alone & didn't care before in my early-mid 20's, i've had several 3-4 year relationships & even recently 'turned down' dates, like you say, pick & chose!.
I just hope i haven't messed up this time, i dated a girl 6 times & we both showed interest in each other, then i heard nothing for 10 days, i knew she was busy, but i got no reply to my message i sent.
The inpatience & anxiety was unbearable as i like her a lot.
I asked where we were & why she hadn't been in contact, i got mixed signals, she sent me photos & said see you soon, but then nothing.
I just don't know now, she is indecisive & maybe by me asking her this has pushed her.
I hate mind games.
Gaz

[Mercedes1]

Gaz, alittle advice to not expect women to validate you. Only God can do that. You are in a dangerous place "living" for love of a mate. Laurie is right. It is hard..believe me..I can related you as a woman...but if you can take time away from dating...learn to focus on God who in turn will help you love your self (though His eyes) I guarantee you it will take away that yearning for a woman's approval. Some women will not call back..some will. Be self assured that if they don't call back...then its not right for you. But don't focus on them.. Believe it or not..I feel the secret is to NOT focus on the opposite sex and they you become more attractive..funny but true. You don't attract by being overly needy. I can attest to loniliness though..get out and do...other things....church, AA ...even if you don't drink AA is great for social..to start focusing on God which will help you love yourself and ultimately others.

[eire rose]

Originally Posted by gazmix

Relationships i crave, like a drug to make me have self worth, i know this, i just don't know how i can get rid of this feeling.

Gaz

Hi Gaz,

This is what jumps out at me, start looking within, be on your own for a while and work on why you feel the need to be in a relationship to feel complete.

I am thinking that the girls you have been seeing have picked up on this and took off, I know I did the same thing when a guy I saw a few times had this kind of behaviour, it freaked me out and I felt smothered, jhe didn't actually do anything, but I could sense his desperation and need.

When we feel like we need a relationship is exactly the time that we don't, work on you and the rest will fall into place.

Love, Rose

[Cynay]

I have to agree with the others....

Attraction is a funny thing. When I wanted a relationship is when I choose men that were not healthy for me, I struggled on the inside and it showed on the outside... so the kind of guy that was attracted to me were sick, looking for someone that had issues like they did.... when I started getting healthy, putting my boundries in place I noticed that they did not come around much.... but that was ok, cuz I was enjoying where I was at... and you know the strangest thing... when Im enjoying me, getting healthy all of a sudden the men that are attracted to me are also healthy. I have to say some that I would not have even thought of are interested.

I just keep the focus on me, if something were to spark, great... but Im not in a hurry cuz I am enjoying my growth and the new healthier me.

[Ten Chips Down]

Originally Posted by gazmix

I feel i'm destined to be alone forever. Ok, i have a fiew friends that i can only see in social bar situations, but i feel alone wth them!, because at the end of the night, they go home hand in hand & i'm alone. I am ranting, i know...

UGGH! What are you? Some kind of psychic?

Hell no Gaz, you weren't ranting, but you did just describe the tragedy of my entire life in one post.

I thank you for that, son. With the exceptions of the whiskey and the hurting yourself, I can relate to everything else.

You gave VOICE to my inner pain. The bubble syndrome and omigod -- if holidays aren't pure hell.

See none of my family is close, and I'm the youngest child by a full decade. My folks had four children total, yet I am utterly alone.

So thank you thank you thank you again, for giving voice to my sorrow; my lifelong plight. Ok? You done good mate. Thanks.

=-=-=-=

Now, on to the solution, and good GEEZ, Laurie really gives some certain and solid advice with a truth that resonated deeply with me. It's worth quoting.

Originally Posted by laurie6781

You know Gaz, I found that I had to live alone for quite sometime to learn how to like myself and then love myself.

I realized that a relationship was not going to fix me. As I gained self-worth living alone and started liking myself, I found myself picking different partners than I had ever picked before. Those partners were reflecting my insides.

Possibly it is time for you to get some counselling and work on you. Once you feel better about you, you will find yourself picking different girls than you now pick.

I couldn't fix my self worth from the outside, it was an inside job. I know many this has worked for, maybe it's time to give it a try.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Now, to act on this. Heh, it's an entire different story, as I'm not truly independent even at 42. But that's my story and belongs in an its own thread.

Anywayhooey - chin up guy. At least know you ain't alone in your isolation. K?

-TCD-

[waterface]

I am in tears now, i post on a relationship forum & have been criticised, not for the 1st time that this girl will have run a mile because of my actiopns. I never show any insecurity whilst with her, as i feel i have someone & i feel like i'm in a couple.
I know couples who fight & row & are still together, all i did was say that i don't date more than 1 at a time as it isn't fair & that i text messaged her wondering why she hadn't been in contact for 10 days, asking her what the problem was.
I know all my issues, it's been happening a long time, but i realy liike this girl & don't want to lose her.
This forum i sometimes use says that because i didn't kiss her until 6th date, it's going nowhere, i was just trying to gain her trust that i wasn't usingf her for a 1 night stand & knowing that she can trust me. In fast, out slow!
I just feel so upset, lonely & in desperatiopn for her to call me & say all is ok, i done nothing wrong. I'm so upset!
Gaz

[Ten Chips Down]

"Relationships i crave, like a drug to make me have self worth, i know this, i just don't know how i can get rid of this feeling."

Originally Posted by eire rose

Hi Gaz,

This is what jumps out at me, start looking within, be on your own for a while and work on why you feel the need to be in a relationship to feel complete.

Yeah, postively jumped out at me, too.

We ain't criticizing ya bro, we're just telling ya what problably she senses.

In spite of my last post, I know well enough that no chic is going to want me so long as I have... stand-out "issues."

It's a Darwinian thing man, believe me. Women look for the healthiest male of the lot -- especially on the inside.

You have to get to the bottom of this "need" thing and eliminate it. It scares females to death.

Ten

[waterface]

It scares me too.
I can't take a med for it, i talk to my therapist & councelor about it, it's not about finding whey i'm like this, it's fixing it!
Only i can not do certain things, but what i do i think is right, like if i don't hear from someone, i call or text!
It's just normal to me, maybe i need Hypnotherapy to change my head!
I just hate how i am!
Gaz

[Cynay]

Gaz you sound like your hurting alot.

Why dont you give yourself a break hon. Dont look at the whole picture.... just take one little piece at a time. Pick one thing you would like to change about yourself and just work on that.

There was a time when I always seemed to have a negative attitude... I did not like it and wanted to change that so I put a rubber ban on my wrist and every time the negative thought poped into my head I would snap the ban and force myself to find one good thing about it... it took awhile but now I usually will be able to pull out the good in most situations...

Try that maybe. Dont worry about being in a relationship right now ... it will only cause more stress / issues. There is no rush, like Laurie said... make sure you are comfortable alone before trying to add another person to the mix.

[1Marty]

Gaz, I can relate to you. I was always the one in my group of friends who didn't have much luck with the relationships. When I did find a girl to date, I obsessed over everything and ended up driving them all away. I was also a control freak. Self confidence was a lot of the problem for me. Eventually after years of thinkng I was life long loaner, I met my future wife. So go easy on yourself. We can't control God's timing or plans for us.

[waterface]

Thanks all
Whenever i date someone, i know i can't ask where this is going, unless they instigate that!
It's like i need to know whats the score, as if i get my hopes up & then those dreaded words arrive! 'your nice but...'.
When i recently dated a girl i liked, she is Croatian & has some stresses in life at the moment, i tend to analize all her actions, like i instigate a kiss on cheek, & as her native tongue isn't English, i get mixed up.
She said hi to me on a dating site, saw my profile & we met.
I'm being there for her at the moment & not attempting to go further & maybe she will in time! She said on 1st meet she didn't want to be in relationship at moment understandably as she has some issues currently, i asked her how many people she had dated & she said 4 including me!
That was great to hear as it meant we're dating, she said they were all shits & treated her bad.
I'm proving that i'm trusting & caring & i guess thats what she needs & i said i'm there for her.
But she doesn't send me xxx in messages etc, maybe thats me being inpatient & paranoid, i don't know!
Gaz

[Bozo]

You will find someone sooner if you stop searching.

[Ten Chips Down]

Well not really. I gotta respectfully (very respectfully ) disagree with you, as dating is a numbers game. If you're not out there looking, proactively and sending signals, she ain't comin' to your door I can tell you that.

I know where you're coming from--maybe stop searching "so hard"--but the fact of the matter is you gotta be out, you gotta be active.

Maybe one-in-a-thousand relationships happen by chance or accident, less even if you're out-and-out "good-looking."

I say, work one yourself first, be happy alone first, then get out there and make yourself known.

It's how i plan to do it.

Ten
__________________

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[ccgirl]

I agree with Bozo. Speaking from a woman's point of view when I was younger and single, the more a guy chased, the creepier I thought he was. I wanted to have to work a little to get the guy. And guess what? I did and I've been married to him for 20 years!


Seriously, don't pull yourself out of the game, just don't come on too too strong. It scares girls off.

[waterface]

I've hada moment of realationship clarity, this girl i like is texting me & i feel her pushyness & wanting me, needing reassurance, just ow i was when i wanted someone.
Now i know how it feels & how to go about attracting! Jeez, just being cool & not too needy!
Ok, some girls like to be chased!, but not obsesed over!
It's all fate!
Gaz

[shutterbug]

Glad you hear you sounding so upbeat....haven't seen you around in a while. Hope everything else is well.

Have a great holiday!

Jenna

[waterface]

Hi Jenna
Well i'm on a new medication called Lyrica, it seems to be helping me more & is helping me become more outgoing & therefor i meet people & get into situations like this!
Working on myself becomes hard as i'm in company a lot. I was spending lots of time on dating sites & i was withdrawn from society for a while.
As i got replys, it upped my confidence & i met them & now i'm stuck not knowing what to do.
I know that i'm feeling better as i'm involved, but that is because i've done what my psychiatrist has said & gotta get myself out there & meet people, i did it online! I feel a cheat by dating 2 people, 1 more often though, sex with 1 & waiting to see who of the 2 i like most!! Working on myself is something i should do by being alone my councelor says. Being self supportive & liking me.
Regards
Gaz