I am scared!

[optomatic5000]

I'm scared that I might start drinking again. There isn't a day that goes by that I think about JUST ONE DRINK to get through the day! There are days when stress levels are so incredible that I feel that having a drink or going back to the days of drinking on the weekends will make everything better.

My stress levels get so high that there are times I think about suicide. I don't want to feel this way. I'm happy living life, but these thoughts seem to haunt me. Alcohol used to be my way out of that mode of thinking. I wish I didn't have to feel so much pain. I don't know what to do.

Sometimes I feel like I'm chasing my tail. I feel good, I have fun and then the next day I feel like crap. I want to overcome the stress without drink but I also want to rid the stresses of daily life. These stresses have been magnified 100x since I quit and it only makes the next drink look so good.

I don't want this! I think I need more help!

Please!

[kermit]

I'm glad I read this , I never have been to this forum. Your Sobriety date is my birthday. PLease call someone. Do you have a sponsor? A friend? Anyone ?
I like you get into my "rutts" Where it is unmanageable. I'm the codie not the alcoholic but I to get so depressed I think of taking my own life. I know it seems like there is nothing more that i can do or no where to turn. I STOP and make a listin my head of what I have and what i don't. What i have usually wins out. I cry and cry and cry. that helps too . It is okay to be weak if we reach out. Hell I'm so weak I cant lift me head sometimes. Please hang in there and make the right calls.

[optomatic5000]

Thanks for the words of confidence. I do feel better now and I'm sure things will be EVEN BETTER when I go to another meeting tomorrow. I appreciate the compassionate responses in this forum. Thanks again -optomatic5000

[ccgirl]

I think once you're addicted to anything, you will always mentally crave it. I can speak for myself when I tell you my life also is stressful and using would numb me to it all. I think it several times a day. But thinking about it is not the same as doing it. If you get to the point where you ARE going to do it, call someone.

[historyteach]

optomatic;

Have you spoken to your doctor? It sounds as if you have an anxiety disorder. Or, it may not be a chemical imbalance type of disorder, but, a bodily reaction to the cessation of alcohol intake.

Either way, your doctor should know. S/he may have help for you.

Wishing you well...

Shalom!

[eire rose]

I pm'd you before I saw this, hang in there.

I was feeling exactly the same way a few days ago, I thought nothing has changed since I got sober, and I was better off drinking, at least then I would relax and wouldn't feel everything so much........I am over it, it just passed, and thankfully I didn't drink.

I think we get to a breaking point where everything s*cks, and we can't take it anymore, I know I am so much more dramatic about hating sobriety and how wonderful the bar life was (if it really was I would still be doing it) anyway, just when I think I can't tolerate it for another minute, it shifts....and I am fine, a meeting helps and talking about it to another alcoholic too..

Love, Rose

[optomatic5000]

I do feel better! I did attend a meeting today that was a very emotional meeting. I discussed my thoughts of suicide and I got some advice that I should talk to my sponsor or even talk to a doctor about my mental problems. Although I don't necessarily feel depressed, I was thinking about suicide but not so much to the point where I wanted to kill myself so much as thinking about how things would be if I were dead. It freaked me out!

And yes, I will seek help from a doctor!

Thanks for all the advice and best wishes.

Happy health and life to everyone.

optomatic5000