Trying to understand Bi-Polar

[jennz]

I am trying desperately to understand what is going on with my husband. He was diagnosed last week with bi-polar. The last six years of our relationship has been an emotional roller coaster and I was actually relieved when I finally found out that his terrible outbursts of anger and mood swings could be controlled. We were doing great and then the doctor changed his meds this past week and now he is out of sorts.
Can anyone tell me how they have learned to cope and live with someone who has been diagnosed with bi-polar?

[liddy]

Hi Jennz
my son was diagnosed last yr with bi polar
but seems to deny it. gave us all a very bad yr
he was so out of control and would use alcohol
but not take meds( doesnt like pills !) he lost his
job, wife and home and stays with us now. He stays
very quite and mostly to himself so i believe this would
be known as the depressant state of the mania he was
in.
I can understand the roller coaster you were on and the relief
to now know what it is. I wish you the best in dealing with
this, I spent many a scary night with my son acting out.
I stay concerned for his future but i know through alanon
that I cant do anything about his choices,like not seeing a
dr. anymore or taking meds. If your husband is doing his
best to take care of himself, then well, I think standing by him
at this point is a very good thing after all he didnt ask to have
this.

take care
hugs
liddy

[jennz]

Thank you for letting me know that I am not the only one out there who is having the same issues. For so long I thought that my husband's problem was alcohol. He has been sober for 2 and a half years and was still having the same problems. We have been to see several councelors and they thought that he was suffering from "dry" alcoholism!
In the begining of Feb. I forced him to go to the emergency room with me because he was off the deep end. This is were our lives changed for the better-they thought that he was bi-polar and put him on his first meds. Now they have changed his meds and he is having a tough time.
I am going to stay by his side because you are right he did not ask for this. Sometimes it is extremely difficult but I am still here and hoping for the best.

[ElvenJewelFree]

Hi, Jennz. It can take awhile sometimes to get the med mix right. Also, if you think the doctor is wrong, don't be afraid to tell him. He is treating your husband, not the other way around. I was first diagnosed with major depression because I so rarely get manic. Nothing worked until I got treated with bipolar drugs -- then I stabilized. Good luck with your situation!

[jennz]

I hope that the meds work this time. It was so promising when he was happy for the first time ever-I mean truly happy for the whole day.

[mrstwinkleberry]

Hi, I'm new here. I thought maybe I could help you a little from both points of view because I'm mildly bi-polar and my boyfriend is also bi-polar. What a pair! ( 2 nuts on the same sundae! ) Anyhow, in our "manic" phase, we're hyper, happy, all is better than well and depending on the severity of the disease, can go into delusions of grandeur (thinking you're royalty or something), so we spend all our money, and yours-etc...We realize we do something wrong, so may drink to calm down, but meds suck, cuz they take away our natural "high" that feels so good-better than anything you could imagine! But on the flip side, the depression can get all the way down to suicidal. So, the meds are supposed to stabilize the mood swings & keep us at a happy medium. Lots make us gain weight, that sucks! Lots of Bi-polars like speed too, cuz it mimicks our natural highs. There's new meds coming all the time, behavior therapy is very important, and keeping a positive environment-we're easily sidetracked. Hope that helps a little. From Ivy in Calif.

[epitomized]

Originally posted by mrstwinkleberry
Lots of Bi-polars like speed too, cuz it mimicks our natural highs.

Can I get a amen?! Now that I am clean and think back -- I realize that before most of my "old friends" got into the speed with me, many showed the traits of being bi-polar.

I was only recently diagnosed and am trying the different medicine mixes. I realized that during my almost year of recovery from the drugs I managed to isolate myself from the world.

For the longest time, I was manic (or at least I think...) and wouldn't seek the help. Only when I got really depressed for a long period of time did I make an appointment with a psychiatrist. I think, in the long run I'll deem it the best decision I've made.

Besides, I was growing tired of the false sense of well-being and thinking I had the world at my feet, even though it wasn't there. :shades:

[mrstwinkleberry]

To Epitomized: Right On! I'm glad to hear you've been doing so well and noticed the difference. I've got 6 months clean today!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I'm sure you realize being bi-polar and speed free at all is a tremendous accomplishment! I'm pretty proud of myself, too. It's just hard sometimes, cuz it's like hard to concentrate just normally, but I try to remember to slow down, because nothing is worth going backwards for-nothing. And I'm happy to be alive nowadays. Ivy

[epitomized]

Congrats on your birthday! It's kind of cool having two birthday's isn't it? And we can celebrate the other one many times throughout the year!

[mrstwinkleberry]

Yeah, and I love being obnoxious all day and calling everyone I know and singing Happy Birthday to Me on their recording machines! My own little way of celebrating, besides breaking my diet and ordering myself a pizza and pepsi!!! Hey, hows life in Maryland? I'm here in California. And the day before my 6month birthday off speed, guess what happened? NO Kidding! The Jackass (sorry, but I need to call this guy that) who brought dope over my house 6 months ago and helped me relapse then (yes, I know my relapse is my own responsibility, but this dude was the peer counselor, ok?!?!?!) Well, he came knocking at my door 2 days ago, my god, I couldn't believe it! I told him Get the Heck out of my neighborhood before I call the police on you! I couldn't even believe I said that to him, but I am glad to see that my sobriety means that much to me nowadays. That was just me on auto pilot. So I had to review it in my mind, you know. And, I kind of am proud of my response. Like mother bear protecting the den. Can I get some feed back......?

[epitomized]

Today I went to Border's and picked up "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Redfield Jamison.

She is a psychiatrist who is bipolar and documents her life in the book.

Of 200 or so pages, I am on page 123...I cannot put it down.

It's amazing how much of myself I see when she describes her episodes.

It's a book you may want to read if you would like to better understand bipolar disorder.

[epitomized]

Originally posted by mrstwinkleberry

besides breaking my diet and ordering myself a pizza and pepsi!!!

Hey, hows life in Maryland?

That was just me on auto pilot. So I had to review it in my mind, you know. And, I kind of am proud of my response.

Atkin's diet? Carbs and sugar are not good!

Maryland is beautiful today. I have been out and about (Walmart may be great and extremely cheap, but they take forever to do an oil change...) I have been sitting on the back porch all afternoon reading my book. I hate living in the mountains most of the time, but on days like this there is nothing better than having a giant yard that backs to woods and quiet neighbors.

Congrats on telling the guy to scram. I've had one relapse in my recovery and it was with someone who swore up and down he supported my decision and would not have drugs around. I was niave enough to believe it. I would like to think that if I got myself in the same situation again that I would muster up a "no thank you" and have the willpower to leave. 20 or so more days to go until my one year mark...

[epitomized]

I finished the book. I think everyone should read it.

Now I can't decide if I am manic or if it was just a good page turner. Either way, I find it odd that I sat there and read 220 pages in a few hours. When I am manic, I work on extremely important (to me, at least) "projects" that require tons of reading and research.

[mrstwinkleberry]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by epitomized
[B]Atkin's diet? Carbs and sugar are not good!

GUESS WHAT?!? I went to the Doc's yesterday and this month I lost 11 lbs. YAHOO!!! And that was without the Adkins or anybodys diet, just my new medicine, Topamax. Cuz I've had this resperatory infection for the past month so I havn't been focusing on even dieting or exersizing at all, just sleeping & waiting for Dr. appt. I feel good, like there's a light at the end of the tunnel or something, even though I need to lose like 100 lbs or so, still, 11 lbs. in a month is a start with my new med. especially with no effort. The med. is a mood stabilizer and also is supposed to adjust my metabolism. That's a blessing, cuz the prozac I was on for 5 yrs. made me gain like 100 lbs! Yuck! Maryland, your big yard sounds beautiful. I wish I had a big beautiful back yard where I could just be with nature. Maybe someday. I think I'm gonna go to barnes & Noble and get that book you read. Did you finish it? Hope to hear from you soon. Your friend, Ivy
ps. is your 1 yr. up yet?

can u tell me how to just start typing a question when u log in? i can not find a place to start. i came to this page where your message is and "could relate" so i thought i would click on a button (dont even know which one) any way it got me here. PLEASE help, can u? how do i ask a question after logging in?
I need help too, understanding a husband with bipolar
tks

[mrstwinkleberry]

ok, you just did it! That's how I got your message! But if you want to start a new post, I think you just click the button that says "post message" on the home page. If you want, you can also reach me privately at mrstwinkleberries@yahoo.com and I will answer your email. It is difficult to deal with bi-polar people, yes. Imagine how difficult it is to be one!!! Now imagine me-how it is to be one and have a husband who is also!!! YIKES! Fortunately-we learn to eliminate certain words from our vocabulary-words like "hopeless". There is always hope. With medication, and behavior modification therapy, we live a life that we are happy with. We learn to communicate. To talk out instead of acting out. Good luck to you and your husband. email me if you want, or follow this thread. Ivy

[redrose51]

Hello.
My husband is bi-polar mix, would someone please explain what that means. he is in rehab right now because of drinking and ptsd and his bipolar kicked in he said,. what is a manic state please. Im trying very hard to understand what all this is. its not easy at all.
he was home today for alittle while, unshaven and thats not like him at all. seems very cold and indifferent. cant understand why. he just had a birthday 55yr and he thinks he all washed up./ dont really know what to think of all this. hes due to get out of rehab in july, but Im afraid he'll be back in very soon after that. hes just not acting right. like the last time he was in.
thanks everyone for listeneing

[mrstwinkleberry]

I think this refers to the fact that your husband has more than one diagnosis. He is "dual diagnosed", meaning he has chemical dependency issues, (drinking), along with mental illness, (bi-polar and post traumatic stress disorder). If he is or was going through a manic phase and now seems lethargic, I wouldn't worry too much, it's probably just medication or the fact that he's sobering up from alcohol. His brain chemicals have to balance themselves out again now and it looks like a little roller coaster ride, up and down. Don't worry, just pray that he stays sober and keeps taking his meds. That's the best he can do right now. He looks disarrayed on the outside cuz he feels disarrayed on the inside. Bi-polar - especially those of us who are dual diagnosed - can be very confusing. We can get overwhelmed really easily and that can snap us into chemical abuse or a manic episode. I know it's hard, but patience is the best attribute anyone close to us can have. That and knowledge of our disease. I hope this helps you. He'll be back to himself. Let him know you believe in him. Ivy

[mrstwinkleberry]

Sorry, I forgot to answer your other main question-what is a manic state. Well, bi-polar has 2 main extremes, manic and depressive. Like the Earth has 2 poles, north and south. They are total opposites. So, the disorder is characterized by extreme mood swings. We can be totally depressed-not your normal run of the mill, "time to pay taxes" depression. But it can get all the way down to suicide. Then on the opposite end of the spectrum, you have your manic side, the "high". Now this is not your normal "Yippee, I get a tax refund!" high, but can go all the way up to being delusional. Here's how it feels: It's like being on speed, we feel we can do anything-the world is ours! Everything and everyone is wonderful and under our control. We can accomplish anything, we have unlimited resources (whether we do or not), no matter what we do, there are no negative consequences, (delusional thinking), etc....Now, your husband also has PTSD. So do I, and so does my husband. What happens here is that something can happen that triggers some trauma that happened to us in our past that sets off our disease. Luckily, PTSD can be healed through counselling, meds sometimes, behavior modification, and time. Take Care, Our prayers are with you. Ivy

[justaround]

Did you mean mixed bipolar? Mixed bipolar means that you may suffer from mania and depression at the same time. Often a mixed bipolar is a rap;id cycler which means their episodes can change as fast as they came which is why sometime the moods mix. I suffer from mixed bipolar with rapid cycling.

Other common forms are bipolar 1 which leans more toward the manic side and bipolar 2 which leads more toward the depression side.

If your husband is out suffering delusional thinking and/or spending all his money, out all night, acting out, commiting crimes but at the same time acting with a depressed mood he may very well be mixed. Hope this helped

[wakowife]

it sounds like you and my husband actually have someting in common, i was diagnosed 4 years ago with bi-polar, for several years before that i would have these god awful outburst, screeming, crying, depressed for no reason, the n i would be happy and expect everyone around me to be the same. i was petrified when i was t old i had a mental illness. as far ad adjusting the medication it's been 4 years and i still need to have mind adjusted. with somepeople after they have been on a medication for awhile, it just seems to stop working, it takes a lot of patience and understanding. as the person with the disease we feeel absoutely helpless when we know our medication isn't working and that you have to start something new all over again, and it could take weeks before you start to feel the effect of the new medication. if you love your partner just try to understand that we don't want to be this way and we really don't have any control over our emotuons. if you think your on emotional roller coaster you should see how we feel. one minute your up and you feel like you could conquer the world sometimes thisfeeling last for days or weeks then all of a sudden the "crash" comes you don't want to move you feel like crying all the time or your angry with the entire world for no reason at all and you take it out on the person that is closest to you. you need to seek help for yourself if you want to understand what your partner is going thru.

[mrstwinkleberry]

I do know exactly how you feel because I'm also bi-polar! What a combo, huh? Me and my husband are both bi-polar! YIKES! It gets crazy in our lives sometimes. We also both have PTSD. He also has ADHD, while I suffer chronic depression also- this is where we balance each other, I think. I just know we are soul mates or we wouldn't be together through it all. It takes alot. I've suffered more mental illness longer than he has since I've had the depression thing big time since I was a kid. I've had probably almost 100 suicide attempts since age 12. He's never gone through this, thank God. And since I've been with him - 5 yrs. - I haven't had any suicide attempts! That is a wonderful miracle for me! And it's beyond medication. Only a fellow mental patient would understand, it's a spiritual thing. I've never been in a relationship before where we've had to try so hard to stay on track to make things work or where I've gotten so frustrated at my man (maybe see a mirror image?), but also never had this much love in my life and I feel so lucky and blessed. We understand each other, and we don't, you know what I mean? But we communicate, that's the key. Anyways-whatever I say here, I'm not talking out my ass, that's for sure. I've suffered plenty, I do understand, and my heart truly goes out to you. Ivy

[heatherfox]

hi, i just registered ,,but i know how it feels about this Bipolar Disease,, i have it and i was diagnosed in 2001 ,but i think i had it way wayyyyy before then ,, my mom has always had it and growing up with her was HARD ,,always yelling,, and didnt want to get up to take me to school...then at times she was the nicest person in world ,and i never understood her i thought it was me that made her that way all the time,well now i feel that the more older im getting im 32 now but,,, that it seems worse and i hate it,, cause people do not understand .. for example i have a friend and i mentioned to her that i notice her husband acts like he dont like me and he'll give me these looks likeim a bad person,,,not only that ,, when my husband and I argue he always says im crazy and it is hard being bipolar... i dont wanna be but God gave me this life soo he'll help me as well as this PAXIL which dont always help.. but ive tried soo many meds,, im tired of it..if i get in one my agitated moods friend and husband says "go take your meds" you crazy.. but i do.. and theyve been increased like 3 time in past 4 months..okk lol enough of my drama.. but i hope someone out there understands me..

[ConstantReader]

Hello everyone I just found this board, and have been reading about everyone's experiences. My boy freind is at present checked into the hospital, getting help for his bi-polar issues, along with alcohol/ drug abuse. He was not taking his medication, and things finally came to a breaking point. We have been together only about four months, but fell in love immediatly on our first date, and have been together ever since. I knew about his bi-polar state, from the begining, the drinking and drug abuse, I though the was kicking, but both escalated during our relationship. I've been reading a few posts about how alot of bi-polars take speed because it mimics the manic phase, ...my s/o was taking cocaine...this happend maybe four times in the time we've been together...the first two times he stayed out all night, andtold me about it afterwards...the second two times where in the last week, apporximatly two days after each other. The last was the worst, as is sparked a binge to where he left here the following morning, looking for more, even though I thought he was going to work....he had my bank card, and helped himself to the money that was in there, spending the next few days partying, and the people he was with at one point evidentally stole my card, whereas he proceeded to sneak into the house about 4 am when I was sleeping, and "steal" my other one, also doing an advance on my direct deposit, on line, so thats gone, too. He finally contacted me the next evening, saying he was sorry, wanted to make amends ,etc. Telling me about a deal he'd made with his boss to go into the hospital, and she'd help out with the bills when he came out, as long as he could prove he'd been there. Up until I heard his voice, I was mostly angry with him, ( along with a big chunk of heart broken) but as soon as I heard his voice, I realized I still loved him. Unfortunatly, at that point in time, he was still "coming down", so he ended up not going in that night. He called me the following night, saying "the hospital didnt have any empty beds", but he'd let me know when he got in the next day. Saying over and over how he wanted to see me, but didnt know if he should come home...( what I didnt realize is that he was still high at the time) on the third phone call, I broke down in tears, and he said he was coming home to comfort me, but that I would have to meet him at the bus stop, because he was "out of it"....I had to literally go on the bus, wake him up, and lead him home. ( no mean feat ,because I'm 4'11 to his 6'4)
He made the same promise to me, that he'd go in for help, and pay me back. ( my stipulations) Yesterday when he left the house, I truly did not expect him to get to the hospital, yet he did, calling me every step of the way. He told me that night that I saved him from a path of destruction, that if he hadnt come home, he would have done something really stupid, and later probably committed suicide. I miss him terribly, but I know that its for the best he be where he is. ( upon checking in, they gave him a choice of just getting "meds", and going home, or staying there for a bit for evaluation, and he chose to stay.
I just called him on the pay phone they are allowed to use in the ward ,and he sounded so desperate..its scarey. Said he couldnt talk then, and that he'd call me later...I'm so afraid he's gonna give up, and get out and get into more trouble.
Well, this reply has been probably way to long, so I apologize, I just had to get out all that, and share with some people that can empathise without judging. I recognize now the things people have said about spending money one dosent have, and the drug use, etc. Alot of people look at me like I;m crazy for allowing him back in my life after all that has happened, but I love him lots, and remember the good man that I know is in there somewhere. When I first started doing research, it was on drug abuse, rather then on the bi-polar issue, and one of the sites I visited, suggested that I should completely forget the person I was involved with, ...that he would never ever do anything but use me.....I cant imagine turning someeone away like that...And now I see that he was right, and that a bit part of the problem was the bi-polar, and no meds, and the drug use was second...Also, I learned about the "Mixed thing" this is what he told me he was going through those last few days...and it was new to him....is this something that can start happening all of a sudden in someone thats bi-poloar, who used to only change phases not that often? He knows alot about his state, but this thing seems to be new to him.
Well, please feel free to write back to me via emal, or here, I would love to talk to others going through this...its all quite new to me, and am glad there is support out there.
Have a great day!

[sweeks]

Hey CR! Welcome! I can sympathise with you. My husband was just hospitalized for 6 days (against his will at first eek) and has been diagnosed with bipolar. No drug abuse for us (Thank God!) I'm not real familiar with Mixed or rapid cycling. My H seems to just get depressed and then manic once a year for 2 or 3 months at a time. He's only 22 though and this just developed 2 years ago.

I must say though taking your bank cards and such sounds like a nasty deal and you seem to have forgiven him awfully easily. There is a book called "Codependent No More" that I would suggest you read if you can. The author is Beatty I think. Changed my life! (sounds cheesey I know) but it will teach you how to take better care of you and it doesn't get more important than that! Best Wishes!