Please help me understand.

[forgottenchild]

hi,
i've posted on the nar-anon board before, because i have a younger brother who is an addict. but now i'm wondering about my other brother. he's been diagnosed as bipolar and has severe anxiety, and i don't know how to communicate with him. sometimes we'll make plans for something, and then he says that "he just can't do it, he just can't" and we'll end up not doing something. even when it's something simple like a trip to the store or the movies. i really, desperately want to understand where he's coming from, because i realize that it's something that is not within his control. but sometimes i find myself getting mad at him (inside, i don't ever tell him what i'm feeling), and wondering why he just can't make himself do something. please help me to understand what he's dealing with, because as his sister i really want to feel compassion and total love for him. thanks!

[Bozo]

i dont think you or I or anyone can fully understand what happens in a persons mind and plans get cancelled. Please try not to be angry with him, I know because I have done the same thing myself and have had the whole family upset with me.

I cannot explain it, but sometimes just the thought of being around a large group of people, brings on alternating feelings or panic and depression.

And yes, at its worst, it can cause a person to freeze up literally and be unable to even go to a store.

Ive gotten better because I realize when it is happening and I know I can fight through the fear/depression and still go on with what I was doing.

I dont have much in the way of words of wisdom, but I do wish you the best, and I believe it is never a good idea to push anyone who is not ready to push themselves, just be there for him. like you have been. you are a good sister.

[Jwife22]

HiForgotten---

My husband has severe anxiety disorder/panic attacks and I know where you are coming from. He self-medicates with xanax, unfortunately, now he's an addict.

My husband too, does those things, like having to get up from the middle of a meal in a resturant and leave because of panic attacks, leaving the groceries in themiddle of the grocery store because of a panic attack, having to sit in the bathroom for an hour at work because of a panic attack, having to leave in the middle of church, etc....it used to aggravate me but now I try to understand.

He tells me it feels like he is having a heart attack. I don't pretend to know what it feels like but I imagine it as being very painful for him. He says all the time, I just want to be normal, like every body else and that is heartbreaking to me. I know that he does want to be normal and have a "normal" life.

I have learned that his anxiety/panic runs hand in hand with his addiction. He says he uses xanax because it stops the anxiety, unfortunately when he does use it, he abuses it.

I try to be patient with him, when he's clean and he suffers these anxiety attacks. He's in the process of trying to find a non narcotic medication to help him but its takinga while. His family is the type of family that says "just get over it", "its all in your head" and they believe the same thing about addiction. They don't understand.

Your brother needs to see a physician about this stuff, he needs to talk to one about maybe getting on some type of medication for it. It is a dibilitating disorder.

I hope that your brother decides to get some help. (((Forgottenchild))))

[ccgirl]

It sounds like social anxiety on top of bipolar disorder. Is your brother getting psychiatric help?

[ranae1221]

I think it is highly comendable (sp?) that you want to be a support to your brother. To often those with Bipolar/mental illness are shunned by family and soceity.
Here are some links that hopefully will have some useful information.

http://www.healthyplace.com/communit...ed/support.asp


http://www.bpso.org/showinfo.php?topic=selfcare.shtml



http://bipolar.about.com/od/howfamilycanhelp/