cutting again

[Arura]

Darlin (((Shutterbug))) im also a repetatvie picker....self harm, defo...but i destroy my face..............! ... Sometimes out of pure frustration,...... n yep its someting i aint ever talked about before...!

well done on bringing the sbubjet up as it 's a big nerosis....and needs to be dealt with...!

Only Love..............................

[BuDoc]

I too am a picker... I pick my face, I have been working on this but it is something that I really have to pay attention to and be aware of. For me I think it is the manifestation of an anxiety disorder. Since I have gotten back on my bi-polar meds, I haven't been picking as much, and have been more aware and able to stop when I do catch myself doing it...

Hang loose, Doc.

[shutterbug]

yeah...my face is where most of my wrath is unleashed. My most coveted is the direct mirror assalt which can easily last for 30 min to an hour or more (timed by how many t.v. shows I listen to go on and off), but probably the most damaging to my appearence is the near-constant scratching. If i'm not super busy or using my hands for something like typing or smoking....then i'm usually scratching.

It's progressed over the past 18 years since I started and it has reached the point where my skin is starting to scar from the damage I'm doing.

I tend to do less damage though when I keep my nails manicured with acrylic overlay, but not by much. I'm so embarrased about it, but it's an extreme addiction that is fueled by anxiety as BuDoc mentioned. And since I'm over-weight, my face is all I really have so you'd think I'd try to tame this obsession-compultion- whatever.

But as much as I despise it, the urge to SI this way is stronger than my desire to stop smoking -- and I'm scared literally to death about my smoking (with having asthma, upper respritory infections every year, and beginning stage of emphazima). Every day as of late, I can feel the damage in my lungs from the smoking done the day before...it's quite uncomfortable and scary...and yet what's the first thing I still do every morning? Lite up.

So with this being as strong or stronger than my smoking addiction, I know it's pretty hopeless to try and control it when I need to use any energy of that kind to fight the cigerettes and my impending early death.

So really all I feel I can do is to work on my feelings of guilt, self-despise and self-hatetred that stems from this uncontrollable SI behavior.

Thank you both for showing me I'm not nearly alone in this struggle as I have always felt. It helps a great deal.

[shutterbug]

Ryan....I hope all is well with you!! Let us know sometime if you get a chance Hugs dear friend.

[forgottenchild]

dude, i'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. i'm also a self-harmer, and i understand what you're saying when you talk about the release of pain in your heart. i hope that things work out for you, and that you can find some way to deal with the pain that is more constructive. i'm glad that you're on the board here, because that is one of the ways that i have found to deal with my own problem of self-injury. i've been free from bruising and harm for almost a month, and it's because every time i feel like hurting myself i log on and post a message looking for help. keep your chin up, and remember that there are people who care about you, and only want the best. please feel free to pm me if you feel the urge to cut, and i'll do anything i can to help.
~lisa