i'm depressed and my therapist is a condescending b i t c h

[girlindc]

I'm sorry i have to vent
i have been depressed for close to 12 years now, and just FINALLY after i turned 25 started seeing a therapist.
this was a HUGE step for me, as i have terrible anxiety and am painfully introverted.

anyway so the first session i talked a bit about what i needed help with, ie anxiety, depression, and drinking.
the first meeting went okay.
the second meeting (today) was strange and i feel like i don't want to go back!
she asks me allllllllll these questions about my family that seem significantly irrelevant.
then when i'm trying to talk about a feeling i get about something, but can't give specific instances of what i'm talking about, she starts to accuse me of making stuff up!
( i mean at this point this is really making me feel like total ****)
THEN as we're talking, i tell her that i have a problem communicating ideas, because i tend to blank out under pressure- and then she asks me if i have a learning disability.
okay. thanks a lot lady- i am not sure if i ever want to see her again, but please tell me if i am overreacting.
i mean as an introvert it takes me sometime to get to know someone and open up to them- i cant just go up to a total stranger and gush my heart and soul (unless i'm drunk of course)
which is another thing- i have a huge drinking problem which she specifically told me to go to AA for and it seems like SHE doesn't even take it as seriously as i do.
speaking of which GOD I NEED A DRINK.
i feel 1000000 times more depressed now than when i went in there.

sigh

/rant

[splendra]

You know if you do not feel comfortable with the therapist you are allowed to find another one.

I do not know how you were refered to this one so, that maybe a complication but surely there is a way to find someone else. If you were refered; go to the people who refered you and ask if there is someone else you can see. I don't believe you even need to give an explanation just say I want to see someone else please...

There are plenty of therapist around I am sure of that just look in the phone book and call and pre screen them yourself...

[aasharon90]

I was sober 14 yrs before i finally addressed my chemical imbalance. I was refered to a Theraphist and my husband & I both went together. Ok, im the one with the problem. Anxiety....and all the things u spoke of in ur share. It does take me awhile to open up to people. I think it was a trust issue....anyway....she asked me questions similar to u and then my husband jumped in....in fact several of those sessions i felt like i wasnt even in the room. The lady therephyst was sooooo interested in my husband career and his problems more so than mine. HOW RUDE..! lol PISSED ME OFF THO. : )

She did however say something that would make me just go to my general physician and talk to him about it....and from there i finally got the right solution for my anxiety. It did take about a yr to get what would work with my system and today a yr later im more at ease to live life better in recovery.

However....im sure both my spouse and I could use more counciling.....but separate. With a 24 yr marriage and 15 yrs living with a recovering alcoholic.....we could still use some help communicating. : )

Anyway....seeing another therephist would be a good suggestion....

I had thought originally that seeing a women specialist would be the right way to go because it takes a women to understand a women.....hmmmm..i dont know about that sometimes.....I have trust issues with women....i think my next time i will seek a male therephist instead of a woman.

Thanks for letting me share.

[Pony]

girlindc,

Glad you found us. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. It is a big step to find and go to therepy. I agree with what has already been said....you should feel comfortable with your thereypist and if you are not...find another one that you are. It is your right and is improtant for the recovery process.

Welcome and come on in and vent or whatever. We're listening.

[Done_With_It]

I find that I kind of click with my therapist or else I move on.
For me I just had to be careful that I was just pulling away from help.
But my best therapists that I've had, I liked them right away.

Maybe give it one more shot, and then find a new one if you still feel the same?

[ranae1221]

I don't have much more to add- everyone has pretty much covered what I would have said.

However I do know, in my expierence, it does take awhile to feel comfortable with a therapist. Therapists are human, and all have different personalities and different ways of counseling. It may be that this one is not the one for you. Only you can make that decision. Have you considered talking to the therapist about your concerns? A good and compitent therapist should be willing to work this out with you. If alcohol abuse is something you need to work on, would an addication specialist work better for you?

Although AA can help, it isn't nessacrly the only thing. I know with my dad he did the AA thing, and it worked for awhile. But the underlying issue as never addressed, and he eventually started drinking again. Now, he is getting treatment for his depression, seeing a good councelor, and started attending AA again.

Again, only you can decide what it the best treatment for you. However don't become discouraged!!! You are on the right track to being happy and healthy!

Let us know what you decide!
Take care

[BSPGirl]

Don S posted some alternatives to AA that might address your underlying problems better, it sounds weird to me your therapist doesn't know about those, but oh well, that aside I got nothing to add to what everybody already said, except maybe that I do relate pretty much, but here free mental health care is so disorganized you see a therapist for like 3 sessions and then you move on, imo it's impossible then to offer proper help but oh well I dun wanna hijack this thread into one of my famous rants again.

for taking such a huge step, always keep in mind how you and nobody else could benefit from a certain treatment, therapy, whatever. Sometimes it might take a while for things to figure themselves out, but they always will, promise.

Marte

[ranae1221]

you see a therapist for like 3 sessions and then you move on

wow....how can anybody actually get better that way?? it takes me usually like 6 to 8 sessions to even feel comfortable to start to trust the person and start talking about "issues".

[shutterbug]

been there...get a new one asap...don't put up with crappy docs!

[shutterbug]

Originally Posted by ranae1221

wow....how can anybody actually get better that way?? it takes me usually like 6 to 8 sessions to even feel comfortable to start to trust the person and start talking about "issues".

I think what done-with-it meant was that you give a therapist 3 tries and if you still don't feel a connection or that they will fit what you are needing or whating then it is time to

KICK EM TO THE CURB!

[Zoro]

i agree with the others here -
After 15+ therapists, clicking with one, that speaks in your style and tone of life, is critical. Also, I tend to stay away from new inexperienced therapists, especially about the issues you are facing.

[shutterbug]

and I can NEVER over-stress how important self-education is!!!

I love my therapist, but she's been out of school for 20 years so many of the new areas of study (like childhood bipolar - are not things she's experienced in). And in studying even a little about childhood bipolar, I have come to have many memories that I can now realize were manic or depressive times.

recovery is a whole-way of life for me...and I think it has to be for most of us if we are to ever truely be victorous and happy....imo

[Live]

I agree with choosing someone whom you feel comfortable with. I have had umpteen therapists and out of all those I have only found two who communicated with me well and were very helpful. And I MEAN that...the way they communicated with me, not the other way around. I had one that left me distraught. I had two or more who just wanted the $$$. And I cannot say enough good about the two who were right for me. And the rest BLECH

live

[girlindc]

thanks for all the advice- i also see no sense in sticking with someone i don't like... i might check it out one more time, but i don't know. it took me so long to find one i hate starting back at the beginning

[Wolfstarr]

I know that feeling, starting all over again with a new therapist...but I,too, had a lousy one who didn't have the foggiest notion of what I needed. I left her after one visit and found an excellent, caring and understanding therapist who wasn't afraid to tell me things I needed to hear.
Best to you girlindc, keep looking till you find the right fit. It is out there.

[shutterbug]

girlindc...no matter how hard it seems and how much you don't want to have to start at the beginning with a new one...it's worth it to keep trying! I honestly can not tell you how many times my therapist has made REAL difference in my life.

This is important for you to do for yourself.

[meli2005]

My AH went to one who specialized in addictions. SHe has been so wonderful to us, I don't know what we would have done without her!!

Anyway, I don't think hte family dynamic questions are out of line. Family dynamics can cause depression too and mental disorders, etc. It sounds like you have a lot of issues to address.

But if you ultimately do not feel comfy opening up, then find another therapist, it is your choice. I went to one once nad I didn't like it very much, found another who I really like.

Also, therapy doesn't always make you feel great. Sometimes we have to deal with some issues that are not pleasant, etc.

[felicity]

Therapists are like doctors ... there are good ones, and there are not-so-good ones. There are even some out there that coerce their patients into admitting to problems they don't even have (these are the BAD therapists).

I've had a therapist that suggested lewd solutions to my problems (this came from a male graduate student that was couselling me at school). I've had therapists lead me into a diagnosis that nobody else thinks I have but them. I've had one therapist try to convince me to join her cult ... she told me that what I needed most was a dose of LSD to see my desires clearly.

??????

Therapists are people. Just people. Like others have said, you gotta find one that clicks.

I never did, and that's why I quit therapy. But that doesn't mean you can't. Maybe there's just not a lot of good therapists in my area.

Good luck on your search, if you should choose to keep looking.

[pedagogue]

Originally Posted by girlindc

she asks me allllllllll these questions about my family that seem significantly irrelevant.

One way a therapist learns about their client is through their relationships with others, especially their family. She may not have explained her reasoning behind the questions, but I am pretty sure she had a reason (or reasons) for asking those questions. You may be feeling a bit on edge because you are not comfortable yet in session, so sometimes that can effect your perception of the session, her questions, etc.

Originally Posted by girlindc

then when i'm trying to talk about a feeling i get about something, but can't give specific instances of what i'm talking about, she starts to accuse me of making stuff up! ( i mean at this point this is really making me feel like total ****)

Some therapists have different styles, and maybe her's is a bit more confrontational. Sometimes it takes a couple sessions to feel each other out, so I'd suggest giving her some time....if not her, than give another therapist a chance. The therapuetic relationship is VERY important if you want to have meaningful change. It takes time to build that relationship, but you need to be willing to give to get.

Originally Posted by girlindc

THEN as we're talking, i tell her that i have a problem communicating ideas, because i tend to blank out under pressure- and then she asks me if i have a learning disability. okay. thanks a lot lady- i am not sure if i ever want to see her again, but please tell me if i am overreacting.

You are over-reacting.

It might feel like she is being accusatory, but she is just trying to collect information. LDs are an area a therapist needs to ask about because they can effect a person's ability to take in, process, communicate, etc. She isn't being judgemental; she just needs to know if that is something she needs to account for. Sometimes people feel ashamed of an LD, and don't want to talk about it. That is understandable, but she is trying to help, so give her the benefit of the doubt and see how it goes.

Originally Posted by girlindc

i mean as an introvert it takes me sometime to get to know someone and open up to them- i cant just go up to a total stranger and gush my heart and soul (unless i'm drunk of course)

Which is why you need to give it time. Typically you don't just jump into things in the first session or so. Many times a therapist is the person that people go to for a sounding board. You dont' need to tell her your deepest darkest thoughts right off the bat, but it can be really nice (albeit scary at first) to tell someone things that you can't tell other people.

Originally Posted by girlindc

which is another thing- i have a huge drinking problem which she specifically told me to go to AA for and it seems like SHE doesn't even take it as seriously as i do.

speaking of which GOD I NEED A DRINK.

I don't think she gave you bad advice, AA can be helpful for a lot of people. By your own admittance you have a problem. If not AA, then I'd suggest doing SOMETHING about it. I tell people that they need to do what works for them....whether it is AA, another program, or another option.

Originally Posted by girlindc

i feel 1000000 times more depressed now than when i went in there.

sigh

/rant

Sometimes you need to take a small step back before you take 2 steps forward.

-p

[pedagogue]

Originally Posted by felicity

Therapists are like doctors ...

Therapists can be doctors too.

-p