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12-03-2005, 10:41 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 10
| My wife is hooked on HORSE(s)
I got’ta find out if any of you guys ever had to deal with a problem like this. If so, what did you do about it, and can anything be done about it? My wife has an addiction. First I want to tell you about her addiction, then see if you can guess what it is. Feel free to help with any advice you can pass my way. Before I go any further, I don’t want people to think I’m just bi****ng and complaining about my wife. I love her dearly. She is a wonderful woman but this addiction is causing problems with our marriage. I am no saint myself, I am a healing alcoholic, working on being a better husband and staying sober every day. I go to AA & Al-Anon meetings weekly. Here goes: My wife’s addiction costs her over $1,000.00 per month (yes,,, $12,000.00 a year!). But first she had to spend $10,000.00 to get addicted. Then a couple of years later, she spent another $7,000.00 to help keep her addiction going. 5 nights a week, after she’s done at work, she goes straight out to fill her addiction. She is done with work at 5:30pm but doesn’t get home until 8:30-9:30pm and has to be up for work at 5:30am. She gets home, takes a shower and heads to bed. She’s too tired to have any relationship with me. And quite often on weekends, she doesn’t even come home at all. Goes from work on Friday and gets home Sunday night, only to get ready to go to work Monday morning. The $1,000.00 per month doesn’t include all the magazines and extra things she has to buy to support her addiction. Money from our home budget is spent on food and wine for parties with fellow addicts. Almost all time off from work is spent with fellow addicts or talking on the phone with other addicts. Also, she’s almost always very drunk when she arrives home. Yes,,, she drives home drunk! (That’s a whole other topic I’ve posted and sought advice on). The worst part is, this addiction is completely legal and isn’t immoral. Can you guess what it is???? She owns a HORSE! Yup,,, she paid $10,000.00 for the horse, $7,000.00 for the horse trailer and $25,000.00 for a truck to pull the horse and trailer with, 3-4 times a year. She rides Dressage style. She also spends $300-$500 every couple of months to get into “clinics” and competitions to compete for a ribbon,,,, not to win money, but to win a ribbon. Plus, most of the other people she hangs out with at the barn and at these events are heavy drinkers. My wife has now become a full blown alcoholic, drinking 1 to 2 bottles of wine a day, whether she’s riding at the barn or at home. She gets stumbling drunk, and quite often passes out on the bed with her riding clothes still on. (Again, this an entire different problem I’ve posted about). I have learned over the years to try and be accepting and even supportive of her horse hobby, but this hobby is affecting our relationship and her job. She is a nurse and is required to take classes and tests for further education in her field. Instead of attending classes, she spends her time with her horse friends, and ultimately getting drunk. I will gladly listen to any advice, feedback or experiences any of you guys want to give me. I don’t know if I just have to accept this hobby or what? I have two wishes. #1) That she would spend a little less time with the horse girls and a little more time with me (I'm more than happy to spend time with her). #2) That she would address her drinking problem before she kills someone while driving drunk or before she losses her job and me. We’ve been married almost 23 years and I hate to lose the woman I love to a horse and a bottle of wine. Thanks for your help, Mrakaronni. |
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12-03-2005, 11:20 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| In Paradise!  Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Pair-O-Dice, CA
Posts: 433
| 
This sounds like my buddies wide to the tee. I believe he finally just joined her addiction and bought a horse also. Matter of fact they BOTH do the horse/rodeo/show thing but they both were not addicts and both made extremely good money. Broker/Sales Manager commercial truck sales. Any addiction that becomes unmanageable I would think needs to be addressed, but are you having money troubles, or you just want more time with her. Her drinking is the hard part. YOU know she has a drinking problem but if she doesn't know that, you cant do sheet. This is a tough spot, Have you tried a sit-down with her to talk about this. Also if you are an alcoholic then any drinking in your eyes might just be "uncalled for" passing out at the end of a day on occasion I think is normal, but thats me. At least I do see people who drink normally do this, I have to assume since they seem to function normally elsewhere. If you have trouble drinking, I wouldn't get a horse, this is a just a place for the people drink wine and talk about business outside of the golf course. At least that was my extensive (twice) experience, at two of there "functions" I went to. ~GB
__________________ "Without freedom of the past, there is no freedom at all" "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" ~ KRISHNAMURTI |
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12-04-2005, 05:06 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 10
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Hi Greenbug. Thanks for your feedback. I’d like to answer a couple of your questions: #1) We have decent incomes, but considering the amount she spends on this hobby, compound that on the 2x$10 bottles of wine per day, plus beer for drinking at the barn after riding and wine for the girls at the barn, plus 1 pack cigarettes a day (and she’s a nurse in a cancer unit), is starting to make her go broke. Ever since I stopped drinking a while ago, I won’t pay for her wine, beer, gin, vodka or cigarettes. We’re not going hungry, but money can get tight sometimes. #2) Yes, she knows she has a drinking problem. Has made some small steps towards addressing it (highly appreciated and many compliments from me), yet always falls back on old ways. And the passing out,,, that’s from being bombed. Holding on to the counter top so you don’t fall over is usually a good indicator. As a seasoned drunk myself, I know the difference between being tired and being hammered. #3) I personally don’t care if other people drink. I don’t care if they get blasted. I just have a hard time watching my wife do it (get blasted) 7 days a week. #4) My job doesn’t allow me the time to take up this hobby, and I honestly don’t have any interest in it either. I go to the barn occasionally, I’ve been to riding events. I’m just not interested. What free time I have, I would rather spend with her. Cooking dinner together, going out to dinner or movies. We own a lake house and would love to spend more time with her there. #5) Trying to have a talk about horses??? No discussion allowed. Plus, I’m sure you know what it’s like trying to have a rational talk about anything with someone who is drunk. #6) Your observation of horse people and drinking wine,,,, BULL’S-EYE! Thanks again for your input. Mrakaronni. |
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12-04-2005, 07:21 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| In Paradise! Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Pair-O-Dice, CA
Posts: 433
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Something I thought of you could try is sit her down explain you are going to seperate the funds, YOUR MONEY/HER MONEY split everything bills, etc... I can imagine it wouldnt go over to well but it just might work. Try to go at it logically, like a business. Draw backs 1. If she makes more then you, not good. 2. she might just make it work, even worse. 3. She might make it work with someone else, it doesnt get any worse then that. Best of luck to you though. ~GB
__________________ "Without freedom of the past, there is no freedom at all" "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" ~ KRISHNAMURTI |
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01-10-2008, 04:30 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 607
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Why drive drunk, if you got a horse? That's the ONE vehicle you can safely drive when loaded!!! When was the last time you heard somebody say: "Man, I was so plastered last night I totaled my horse by driving it straight into a tree!" Anyhow the real problem here is the wine, not the horses. If you and your wife don't share the same interests that's unfortunate, and I can relate, but it doesn't mean you can't make the marriage work.
__________________ Is addiction a disease, or a choice? Who cares about semantics? If it's a disease, cure thyself. If it's a choice, make the right one. |
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01-10-2008, 08:40 PM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| Member  | Quote:
This Week’s DWI Shorts | DWI.com You guys pull up some old threads. | |
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01-12-2008, 11:57 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 11
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Thats really unfortunate. I know this might sound harsh, but I think you have to ignore it. I'm not saying you are wrong, but maybe pick up a hobby and get really interested in it, but make sure its a hobby you can do from home. Make it something beneficial. This will take a while, but she will get jealous of your hobby and want to spend time with you. She will see how much you are dedicated to the hobby and deep down she will know that you could be truly dedicated to her if she would just give you the time. Women want to feel appreciated like you care for her, but maybe she doesn't you are capable so show that you are, but not directly.
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01-13-2008, 01:54 AM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Ending the Old Me. Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Under a Rock
Posts: 377
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Leave the posts - it's worth the laugh! :rof I did the same thing in the Women's Room earlier this week. I even think it was Barb who sent me a nice little PM with Doug's warning. Absolutely Classic!!!!
__________________ "It only takes one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." George F. Burns |
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01-29-2008, 08:42 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Naturally Occuring Phenomenon  Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 437
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horse shows, steeple chases and that whole lifestyle is quite crazy....good luck with that one....shy awayay, I've seen enough of that in Monkton, Maryland and dated a girl who showed horses for six years.....turn heel if you can.....best of luck....gottah have hope...
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01-29-2008, 10:39 PM
| #17 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 90
| Quote:
I'd try to reason with her if I were you. It sounds like it is a bit of an obsession with her. Even though its legal, and obviously less damaging than being addicted to alcohol/controlled substances, it can still have a negative effect on your relationship (and especially your pocketbook!  ).
__________________ the weaning machine  | |
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