In AA/Drugs-Out of AA/Drugs Cycle

[Onedaysober]

Gentleman,

I am the old jock type use to love football,baseball and beach volleyball and loved everyone. However, never really fitting in anywhere-too cocky for one group-too violent for another-too many screws loose for all the others except for the degenerate groups where I had a sense of being "better than". What a joke "better than". Acceptence has been one of the reasons I turned to drugs and alcohol for reasons that have surpassed me but yet I am begining to understand. All that being said; I also had an overwhelming giving spirit whereas, I would literally give the shirt off of my back to anyone that touched my heart in any way-thought, a look etc. I have no true friend due to my drug use and alcohol consumption. I became violent even early in my alcoholism/drug addiction. I am assuming the reason for this post is to give you a little background and then proceed to what is current-here it goes...

I have "tried" to quit drugging now since (thankfully this forum showed a previous post of mine) 1-17-03 when I had one day sober hence, my alias onedaysober. I am struggling so very,very hard to put down these painkillers like nothing I had ever experienced. I have a history of abuse-you name it-it happened except at the hands of my parents but nevertheless a step sibling.
I need to know if there are other men out here that are struggling in parallel universes? Why can't I let go ? What is wrong with me already I am so frustrated,overwhelmed,heartbroken (if there were a stronger word I'd have found it but you get the pic.) so many tramatuic things have happened in my life but yet, I still have not completely given into a therapy-any therapy-WOW I just found a answer I think by writing... Anyway, I gues it really can't be done on our own. Perhaps, i need the help of others huh ? Okay, please do not think I am out there-I'm not, I just think when I write because it is from my soul I speak. Please disregard this if it is confusing but I need some Christian men that are facing these same demons "pain killer addiction" are there any people out here perhaps from Pennsylvania that are suffering like I am ? Day and night with this obsession ? Please if someone can help me find a Christian bible based group here in or near Shamokin,Pa 18751 LET ME KNOW ASAP... God Bless you guys sincerely... I know he has and will continue to that is why I'm here as well... Thank you.

-Rick-

[3legacy]

Rick :
I can certainly relate to all you've posted this morning. I am a pretty much a garden variety drunk who dabbled in pills, pot and a few other items. I went to AA after years of abusing myself with alcohol/drugs and others with my attitude of superiority, violence, etc...

Early on in Recovery I found a couple of Christ Centered 12 Step Groups similar to AA. Although I stuck to Alcoholics Anonymous, I might suggest seeking out an Overcomers or Alcoholics Victorious Group in your local area. A Pastor at one of your churches locally should be able to dig up some information on any local branches of these wonderful groups.

Please feel free to PM me anytime you wish. I tried to PM you but it says you are not set up to accept them. Otherwise, I frequent the chatroom here often.

((((((((( Rick))))))))) Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
:tri
3 Legs