Falling in love as a Choice.

[Dan]

"Learning discernment is vital - not just in terms of the choices we make about who to trust, but also in terms of our perspective, our attitudes. We learned about life as children and it is necessary to change the way we intellectually view life in order to stop being the victim of the old tapes. By looking at, becoming conscious of, our attitudes, definitions, and perspectives, we can start discerning what works for us and what does not work. We can then start making choices about whether our intellectual view of life is serving us - or if it is setting us up to be victims because we are expecting life to be something which it is not."
"I spent most of my life being the victim of my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own behaviors. I was consistently picking untrustworthy people to trust and unavailable people to love."

"If you have a problem with romantic relationships maybe it is because your fifteen-year-old is picking your mates for you."

Robert Burney.

I found this article very revealing, not only from a standpoint of romantic relationships I had early on and later with my wife, but also from the angle of how I approached situations everywhere with a victim mentality. I'm just starting to understand this inner child wounds from the past concept.

"If you have a problem with romantic relationships maybe it is because your fifteen-year-old is picking your mates for you."

I could wander thru these forums and pick out sentence after sentence that describe me and my life up to recovery.

Of the more popular ones, this one would be near the top...

[Hadenuff]

thanks for this thread and finding these articles, Dan
H

[nutz]

i did the 7th step.....the wife and kids disappeared two weeks later
the dog took off too. LMAO.

recovery is like peeling layers of onions....
sometimes you weep when you peel onions.lol

I sure know how to pick them...
ex wife, ex girl friends...all look pretty much the same and act the same.
i'm about as sick as any partner i choose to get involve with.
It takes a bitch like her to love a buasture like me....

I don't nail the kid to the cross as much as i use too.
Re patrenting myself can be a challenge.
i have all kinds of r/c toys....it's a hobbie, but do i need that many?
The only thing that can fill that big arss donut inside of me is a loving
god. Not people, places, and things...
That includes my mother.lol
I'm really a needy being, i am...only god has that power.

progress not perfection...
i'm not perfect, so why should i expect anybody else to walk a thin line.
Miss Right won't be right enough for me, anyhow.
MIss right now....she is somebody's luving daughter and a fellow human
being trying to fine a way also.

while god can fill me with all the love i needs.
thou i do not need anything to BE happy.......
SKIN SURE FEELS GOOD !!!!!

verious issues are important to me.
i try to better myself as best as i can...sometimes my best aint worst a darn.

i think i deserve a lot and better... as always
i can't take them all too serious....i'm not getting out of this life alive.
All i have is today, this moment, now. First things first.

[pedagogue]

Originally Posted by nutz

I sure know how to pick them...
ex wife, ex girl friends...all look pretty much the same and act the same.

Welcome to my world.

I was just discussing this topic with a relatively new friend. She was flipping through a photo album and made the comment that all of my ex's look exactly the same, which prompted a discussion about how I end up with the same type of women time after time.

I think I have turned the corner and at least recognize if I am pursuing my 'typical girl'.

This actually touches on a larger issue I have been kicking around...so I"ll start a new thread.

HERE

-pedagogue