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Old 09-02-2012, 08:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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From one guy to another: Sexless relationship don't have to be!

Sex drive for me is different depending on age, health factors, testosterone, etc. I am 28, about 185, not at my strongest but going to workout again to build my body/strength up. I have a lot of testosterone, and thus have a high sex drive. If you are not this way, the following information will seem outofwack. If you are like me then please read on.

I don't believe we should go out with sex for long periods of time. Sex keeps me sane, makes me happy (a natural anti-depressant for me), relaxed, desired, feel connected with my partner, like a man, etc. You know what separates a monogamous relationship, with the relationship of our other female friends? SEX! I have plenty of women friends that would gladly sit on it, and trust me I am willing to let them if not kept happy. To me, sex is what makes our monogamous relationship exclusive; if not she is just another friend... keeping me from having sex with other friends.

I really hope if your not in a marriage you find other women to satisfy this important aspect of being a man. I could not imagine myself being without sexually intimacy. I was once in that position in my long relationship. I was so depressed; I did drink more, I should her less love, I was so miserable with my life, and was tired of trying to help our situation. I am not much of a cheater or liar so I was finally going to leave her. I broke up with her only for the second time in our 11 year relationship; I don't think the resonated with her until I had my stuff packed in the car. She wept and wept and wept. She was sad that after 9 years I was going to leave her, I told her its not like she was making it easy for me, and it is not like I hadn't tried everything under the sun to keep us together. After talking it through I decided to give it one more go after all leaving a 9 year relationship was difficult for me also; and so far so great Besides the sex issues she is an amazing women that any man would be lucky to have. But to me, sex is really important. I need it regularly to keep me functioning properly, mentally, physically, emotionally; I know some men and women could not understand this, but donít judge me or others on this. I know I am not the only man that feels this way. You only live one life, so don't settle just because you have to.

Be able to leave anyone in a blink of an eye. If you are able to do this, either the other person will be responsive or you simply leave and are happy to do so.

If you think you won't get anyone else, that's not true, there are billions of women as there is men in this world. You don't have to stay with the one that makes you unhappy.

Women have the power in that they have the V, but we should have the power in that we can go and get several V's. I am aware women can do a faster job at getting men, but that still doesn't mean we can't get several of them and be happy to our hearts content

Workout! Not only will it help your stress, build testosterone, but it will build your physique to be more attractive to women. If you don't know where to start let me help. Of the books I have read the best books on fitness are: Huge in a Hurry by Chad Water Bury. NOTE: I used to be a personal trainer and this guys methods are the most effective I have come across even for myself. I lost what ever little fat I needed to, and build muscle with his workouts. Truly incredible since your supposed to gain some fat when trying to gain muscle. If your a beginner or overweight you can sub out pullups for lat machine, dips for press down machine, or use the assisted pullup/dip station. Either than that any beginner should be able to do his program, but get on those pullups ASAP you will reap the fat burning benefits of the second most complete exercise. Nutrient Timing by Dr. John Ivy he is the father of the carb/protein mixture to build muscle, and tells about the times to take them. I highly encourage this read to gain the most muscle; muscle is built at rest while eating and recuperating not in gym. If you know nothing about eating: Power Eating by Susan Kleiner is a good start as it is not so restrictive as much as portioned to the goal you are trying to reach. Muscle Chow by Gregg Avedon is good if you have no problem with limiting yourself of food. This guy is not a nutritionist, but he is a former model, unlike Susan Kleiner, and I personally strive to look like a fitness model.

One could debatable say: well The Trump is ugly but look at his bombshell wife. True. But you and I donít have tons of money, so at least we could try to be eye appealing compared to our peers.

If you are in a happily long term relationship if at all possible do not get married (if its not broke donít fix it), you will be stuck with her if any issues change or if you divorce her you may have to pay alimony. If you must marry get a prenuptial agreement even if she begs, cries, and screams; it may save you if you do get divorced. Also, donít marry so young into a relationship. Three to four years is not enough time to know someone, and you donít want to find out once itís to late. Wait it out, there is no rush. Donít let her force you into a marriage even if she threatens to leave you! Let her leave, I promise you that will be the second best decision you made besides being sober Her forcing you into doing something you donít want to do, should already be a sign of her character, and it will only get worse!

I do believe in compromise, but in every relationship there is one weaker and one stronger. Decide which you are, it will make the relationship easier as you wont butt heads if your both assertive, or not make decisions if your both passive.

If youíre thinking I must be some scumbag, please stop yourself right there. Unless you have been with a girl (person) for 11 years, and don't have to be with them due to the commitment of marriage or kids, then please don't judge me. I have been in this relationship for a long time and itís because of my honesty. Everything I tell you here she knows because I tell her.
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Old 09-04-2012, 05:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Umm... Well IMO sex in your post can be replaced with Crack, alcohol, meth, or any other substance. Sex was a God given thing. My 2nd wife and I didn't have sex before we got married and it was the best decision we could have every made. Not that we didn't want it at all but we each knew in our heart we wanted to focus on our relationship not just about when/where we were going to hookup. We had both been with others and each knew sex was not the right building block.
I was married for 15 years and sex was puling teeth. I think it was from many different areas from our baggage of the past, to our own relationship, to chemical birth control drugs. Today sex is not used as a tool, bargaining chip but a gift from God enjoyed and freely given as an expression of selfless love.
I understand 'dip the wick', kick the tires and take it for a test drive. Hookups.. Been there done that. I have come to see there is more too it than just endorphin release.
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Old 09-04-2012, 11:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Umm... Well IMO sex in your post can be replaced with Crack, alcohol, meth, or any other substance.
Yaaaaah nooooooo. You are implying I am addicted to sex, which is not the case as much as having a very healthy "God giving" or as I like to call them natural urges of having sex. Sex isn't everything I agree with that, but it is a huge part for a whole lot of men. At the end of our living days when sex is not important you still want to have a women you have fun with talking to, but it shouldn't be forced on anyone desiring sex to live in abstinence because a women doesn't want to all the time. That is unfair to us.
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Old 09-04-2012, 01:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Yaaaaah nooooooo. You are implying I am addicted to sex, which is not the case as much as having a very healthy "God giving" or as I like to call them natural urges of having sex. Sex isn't everything I agree with that, but it is a huge part for a whole lot of men. At the end of our living days when sex is not important you still want to have a women you have fun with talking to, but it shouldn't be forced on anyone desiring sex to live in abstinence because a women doesn't want to all the time. That is unfair to us.
I'm trying to imply 'you' but we(being many) could substitute.

I get the mutual and I agree 100%. My 1st marriage was **% me initiating and over time just was horrible, and my 2nd (without my wife being from an addicted side or having baggage) is what sex and marriage should be and is AWESOME!!

Withholding is a form of control and against God's desire for a marriage from my readings and my view.
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Old 09-04-2012, 01:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Old 09-04-2012, 01:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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In my previous reply it should read.

"i'm not trying to imply".. Huge difference and my bad on the typo.
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Old 09-04-2012, 01:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I have very little to no sex drive at all,no intrest in it at all.
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Old 09-04-2012, 02:03 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I have very little to no sex drive at all,no intrest in it at all.
Trip. I have questions, but not sure if you would be comfortable answering them.
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Old 09-04-2012, 02:09 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Go ahead I have a good idea what it will be.
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Old 09-04-2012, 04:45 PM   #10 (permalink)
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@Rossy: Age, weight, diet, amount of strength exercise. Also, has it always been this way?
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Old 09-12-2012, 02:38 PM   #11 (permalink)
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23,180 pounds diet is good as is my strenght. Yeah it has been not intrested in it at all.
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Old 09-17-2012, 10:13 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Hi mesofreak. I have a close friend just like you. We joke that he is addicted to sex because he will screw anything. My opinion (and that of our other friends) is that I/we'd rather stay at home & masturbate than spend a whole evening chasing some girl & having sex. Much less hassle, quicker & cheaper for essentially the same outcome.

So I guess I'm interested in knowing why it needs to be sex with a woman instead of masturbation to give you your kicks? Or do you do both?!
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Old 09-19-2012, 10:44 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Sex keeps me sane, makes me happy (a natural anti-depressant for me), relaxed, desired, feel connected with my partner, like a man, etc.
Sanity and happiness is, for me, an inside job. Feeling connected with my partner does come from intimacy but there are other forms of intimacy beside physical and, in the absence of sex, they work just fine.

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You know what separates a monogamous relationship, with the relationship of our other female friends? SEX! I have plenty of women friends that would gladly sit on it, and trust me I am willing to let them if not kept happy.
I find that no one can keep me happy except me. I think we would continue to disagree on this as your post repeats this kind of thinking quite often. i.e. her withholding sex made you so depressed that you drank more, etc.

Anywho, my wife just came home from prison after twenty-four years and I was faithful - not out of guilt or even commitment to someone else's value system but because sex with someone else would he been sex without intimacy or love and wouldn't have worked for me.
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Old 09-20-2012, 01:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
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to ten past,

i am in agreeance with about 85-90% of what has been said but while i also agree with your logic of stay home and rub one out. yes its great but there is something about being with a woman that you cant get doing a solo mission. and i like all the comments and disscusion about this subject. i am in a relationship of 10 and a half years and sex has become like a blue moon. it is rare to say the least and i was wondering if anyone had any ideas as to what may be going on .... like something i may be missing. the first couple of years were fabulous then about year 5-6 it just vanished and it has been like every year or longer then no sex again for like year and a half or longer ... put it this way since 2008 i have only had sex 5 times and i cant figure out why. what is the deal, my sex drive is in high gear and she seems to be the same but when it gets to even taling about sex or getting a lil intimate it turns to nothing as fast as it even starts .... any help or ideas
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Old 09-22-2012, 03:47 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I like that. You know what, although I really do appreciate those with young relationships input, understanding the feeling is different. WAY DIFFERENT. Like you said, you couldn't tell right from wrong, according to who gives a blahs doctrine. Relationships are not easy, and in fact we were in an agreement when if/It happens. But we must move on. Best of luck in future. Mot all men are like I need sex, but not wanting it is an exception I might consider if afforable.
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Old 09-23-2012, 04:17 AM   #16 (permalink)
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lol, ignore the last message, straight drunk on that one, I not sure what I was trying to say, lol. I write something more intellectual soon
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Old 09-26-2012, 09:55 PM   #17 (permalink)
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? ? ? ? ? ? ?

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Hi mesofreak. I have a close friend just like you. We joke that he is addicted to sex because he will screw anything. My opinion (and that of our other friends) is that I/we'd rather stay at home & masturbate than spend a whole evening chasing some girl & having sex. Much less hassle, quicker & cheaper for essentially the same outcome.

So I guess I'm interested in knowing why it needs to be sex with a woman instead of masturbation to give you your kicks? Or do you do both?!
Bro, I really got to answer this? ... For me there is nothing like a females caress!! I chose that any day over my hand. The chase is a chase, I agree there, but the catch is so worth it for me.
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Old 09-26-2012, 09:56 PM   #18 (permalink)
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23,180 pounds diet is good as is my strenght. Yeah it has been not intrested in it at all.
Seriously bro, I know a lot of people/men, and you are the first one to ever say that. Even my friends that have everything sexually wrong with them find an interest in it. I am fascinated frankly.
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Old 09-30-2012, 01:55 AM   #19 (permalink)
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thanks for your honesty meso. i feel similar at times in my relationship, ive been with my bf for 3.5 years, were both guys but he isnt that sexual a person so i think there are lots of mths that men are always horny and women are not, i think gender is less to do with it than ssome of those other factors u mentioned, i have a higher sex drive for sure and share some of the sentiments in the start of your post...i have looked into if it was an addiction but it was a part of our relationship that was missing, which is why we are still together (as there are many other great parts to it and i love him deeply) and im guessing why u kept on trying to make it work for so long, its not the sex as much as the sexual intimacy, the trust and expression of loving someone that i felt was lacking,, a special way for a higher power to unite us in something special,im learning more what i can do and what i cant, in respecting his needs and rights but in what is my intention and what can i contribute, i think working out or getting fit is my first place to start but its hard!

ive put on 10-15 kg since we were together and have lost a few since slowly trying to get back into shape again. i have fears that ill get into shape and it wont change anything, we only have one life and i think being so close but not being able to share that sexual intimacy can be torturous cos maybe for some ppl i find that i feel something missing if i cant share that and start to feel sad sometimes, more distant sometimes, i dont think its an addiction but maybe a manifestation of other things in the relationship, just for today sometimes it just is what is, not some deep reason. no point in getting ashamed of it, its what we do with the human feelings we feel that matters, not what we feel, thankyou for being honest about this. interesting to think over.
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