Attracting women like my mom - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

ClayTheScribe · 12-18-2011, 06:37 PM

So I'm 26, a virgin and I've never been in a long-term relationship. I'm finally at a point in my recovery and personal maturity as a man where I feel I am ready to date seriously. I am doing the online thing and what I am finding is that I am attracted to women, who in some way, are similar to my mother. This is problematic for me because, while I love my mom, she is a very difficult and often selfish person. I have the feeling I am just going to have to go through a phase of dating women who are like that. How did you deal with that or get past that phase?

Scolova · 12-18-2011, 07:31 PM

Wish I could help, but my history of relationships is horrific.

I'm 40, the drink has been my SO for far too long and I feel petrified of getting back at it now, but know I need to.

Mattcake · 12-21-2011, 05:49 AM

Clay, there's always a bit of identification going on when choosing a partner - we are attracted to what's familiar. It's like my sister told me "I was so intent on not turning into Mother (ruthless tyrant) that I wound up turning into Dad (aloof victim)!!" Don't read too much into it, it's practically unavoidable.

Now, if you have a pattern of constantly choosing "difficult and selfish" people, then that's different.

I find that the best way to attract people is by exuding confidence. You definitely have the awareness part of the equation, maybe working on your confidence could help you move past this phase.

I'm glad you're putting yourself out there

lookinforward · 12-28-2011, 11:24 AM

Oh I could get into so much trouble here, but I wont. very difficult and often selfish Dont do it DAve.....I will restrain.
Keep looking man. There are some outstanding women out there. Keep looking...You will find the right one. One thing to remember in my opinion is keep in mind that there are millions of women in the world. They come in all shapes and sizes. Find one that you like spending time with. Dont let anyone treat you like crap and dont treat anyone like crap. Once you get past that it is easy sailing.

very difficult and often selfish

run dont walk from these. Keep looking.

Dave

12-18-2011, 06:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
ClayTheScribe Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Colorado Posts: 662 Blog Entries: 1	Attracting women like my mom So I'm 26, a virgin and I've never been in a long-term relationship. I'm finally at a point in my recovery and personal maturity as a man where I feel I am ready to date seriously. I am doing the online thing and what I am finding is that I am attracted to women, who in some way, are similar to my mother. This is problematic for me because, while I love my mom, she is a very difficult and often selfish person. I have the feeling I am just going to have to go through a phase of dating women who are like that. How did you deal with that or get past that phase? __________________ “Impossible is a term humans use far too often." -- Seven of Nine

12-18-2011, 07:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
Scolova dude in recovery Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Gulf Coast, TX Posts: 1,506 Blog Entries: 2	Wish I could help, but my history of relationships is horrific. I'm 40, the drink has been my SO for far too long and I feel petrified of getting back at it now, but know I need to. __________________ ScotA "I've never seen anyone drink themselves smart, successful or happy. Most end up broke, bitter and alone. <anonymous>

12-21-2011, 05:49 AM	#3 (permalink)
Mattcake grateful orbital boy =) Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 2,435 Blog Entries: 9	Clay, there's always a bit of identification going on when choosing a partner - we are attracted to what's familiar. It's like my sister told me "I was so intent on not turning into Mother (ruthless tyrant) that I wound up turning into Dad (aloof victim)!!" Don't read too much into it, it's practically unavoidable. Now, if you have a pattern of constantly choosing "difficult and selfish" people, then that's different. I find that the best way to attract people is by exuding confidence. You definitely have the awareness part of the equation, maybe working on your confidence could help you move past this phase. I'm glad you're putting yourself out there __________________ *If it's a question of faith: Do you love or do you hate?* "Counting days is for prisoners" - Scott

12-28-2011, 11:24 AM	#4 (permalink)
lookinforward Editor Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Pensacola, Florida Posts: 1,384	Oh I could get into so much trouble here, but I wont. very difficult and often selfish Dont do it DAve.....I will restrain. Keep looking man. There are some outstanding women out there. Keep looking...You will find the right one. One thing to remember in my opinion is keep in mind that there are millions of women in the world. They come in all shapes and sizes. Find one that you like spending time with. Dont let anyone treat you like crap and dont treat anyone like crap. Once you get past that it is easy sailing. very difficult and often selfish run dont walk from these. Keep looking. Dave __________________ 3/8/2011- Started fighting the fight. Now I am Enjoying the Journey! With a few bumps in the road 9/2/2012 "Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!" Dr.Seuss my therapist.

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