Started Drinking Again - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hawkenman · 09-22-2011, 03:18 PM

After five years of sobriety I jumped off the wagon, it was a little bit of drinking that snowballed in to a fith of vodka a day and wine. This went on for about three weeks until last week my wife found a reciept for a bottle of wine in my pant's pocket. Well she went ballistic and said she wanted a divorce. I can't blame her, but the five years I was sober she never said anything encoureging and was allways searching my room and vehicle for booze. I've been sober for about a week and it is hard.

**Dee74** · 09-22-2011, 03:52 PM

Hi Hawkenman

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.

I don't know about you but I put my loved ones through a lot when I was drinking - they'd probably go ballistic too - and honestly? I'd expect them to.

Sure it would be nice if people praised us for good behavior - but it doesn't really work that way in the world....when we're being 'good' we're just being the people we should be, and the people our loved ones expect us to be.

Ultimately I think our motivation needs to be internal anyway. We have to want to do this for ourselves, not anyone else.

Hope to see you around some more

D

**Astro** · 09-23-2011, 06:09 AM

Yep, cleaning up our wreckage isn't fun but it's best if we kept it focused on ourselves, and on doing the next indicated right thing.

Hey I'm just glad you're back rather than being "out there" with the living dead, and I hope you stick around.

Hawkenman · 09-24-2011, 12:35 PM

Thanks guys I'm going to AA tonight and get another white chip (#4), I am not proud of being an alcoholic but I'm not ashamed. I live in a very small community, as a matter of fact it is an island that has about eight hundred people living there. Everyone knows everyone's business, when I buy booze I have to go out of town which is thirty five miles away. It is amazing how powerful this liquid jail has put me in. I just hope and pray I can quit.

Ghostly · 09-24-2011, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hawkenman

It is amazing how powerful this liquid jail has put me in.

Well put. I think a lot of us relate. Good luck.

didboi · 09-25-2011, 03:31 PM

You said after five years of sobriety you jumped off the wagon. Can I pry and ask why you think that happened?

I am five years and recently been aware that a lot of people have gone out after 5-7 years. I am only asking for selfish reasons cos I am approaching 5 years too.

Did you stop going to meetings? Did you stop working with others? Did you stop having a sponsor? I don't mean to pry but again would like to learn from your experience.

Well done for coming back, it shows the mark of a man to do the things he fears to do. I hope the stuff resolves itself between your wife and yourself.

Hawkenman · 09-25-2011, 06:46 PM

I am a avid hunter and I got the largest buck I have seen. During this time my wife of 16 years said she was no longer interested in sex. It was a a stack of excuses that I used to start drinking. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I was looking for justification to drink. I went by the local store and bought 3 Spark's drinks, these drinks are at 8 per cent alcohol. I thought, well after 5 and a half years of sobriety I think I can finally social drink. Going to the hunting camp I was so excited and had a buzz I have not had in 5 years. But he next day I went back and got 3 more, it snowballed to 5 to eight per day and then I went back to Vodka and wine. This pattern of obuse to myself went on for another 3 weeks. Finally one morning(after my wife found the reciept for booze) I realized that I was the same old drunk I was a long time ago. So I detoxed by myself, went through the DT's (I don't recogmend this because you could die). I layed in bed for 3 days shaking and swetting, no one checked on me, my wife thought I was going through a bad hangover and would not have anything to do with me. I am trying to get in to a 2 month alcohol rehab but the bed space is limited. To answer your question there is no answer except alcohol can sneak up behind you and take control of your life when you least expect it. Yes I do have a great sponsor, but I was too ashamed to admit it to him. I have since then and he was very supportive. I just to have to take one day at a time. My 14 year old son is finally talking to me and that gives me alot of faith. But I've got to get sober for myself first.

**Dee74** · 09-25-2011, 07:00 PM

I'm glad you're back on the right road Hawkenman

D

Ghostly · 09-25-2011, 07:22 PM

Thank you for sharing Hawkenman. Hopefully your experience can help others. Wishing the best for you.

notdrunktoday · 09-28-2011, 10:16 PM

Thanks for sharing hawkenman.

Hawkenman · 09-30-2011, 01:16 PM

I got my bank statement for the month of Sept.,( my salary is once a month) I had spent right at $ 400.00 dollars on on booze. With this cut it will be a dry month whether I want it to be or not. I give my wife half of my paycheck just to keep her from bitching and I still love her because she gave me a son when she was 43. But she is not supportive and being a holy roller she thinks an alcoholic can just quit anytime they want to, (little does she know). But I am not trying to get sober for her or anyone else, I finally figured out that I am number one and it is a battle that I have to defeat.

TallWater · 10-01-2011, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hawkenman

I got my bank statement for the month of Sept.,( my salary is once a month) I had spent right at $ 400.00 dollars on on booze. With this cut it will be a dry month whether I want it to be or not. I give my wife half of my paycheck just to keep her from bitching and I still love her because she gave me a son when she was 43. But she is not supportive and being a holy roller she thinks an alcoholic can just quit anytime they want to, (little does she know). But I am not trying to get sober for her or anyone else, I finally figured out that I am number one and it is a battle that I have to defeat.

I realized too that I I have to do it for myself, and myself only. Thank you for sharing your relapse Hawkenman. I fell of the wagon after 8 months and it was with only one shot, it too escalated, into a half rack a night. You have our support here, even though I'm new.

TW

Hawkenman · 10-01-2011, 07:25 PM

Thanks guys, I just got back from AA and our group had a speaker meeting. There was one speaker that could have been my clone, he told about the numerous times he stopped and started drinking again.It took him 7 years of on and off drinking for it to finally take hold that he could not socially drink. He said that he continued to go to AA meetings wheather he was drinking or not. And finally he got enough insite that he is doing bettter and sober.

09-22-2011, 03:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
Hawkenman Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Cedar Key Florida Posts: 19	Started Drinking Again After five years of sobriety I jumped off the wagon, it was a little bit of drinking that snowballed in to a fith of vodka a day and wine. This went on for about three weeks until last week my wife found a reciept for a bottle of wine in my pant's pocket. Well she went ballistic and said she wanted a divorce. I can't blame her, but the five years I was sober she never said anything encoureging and was allways searching my room and vehicle for booze. I've been sober for about a week and it is hard.

09-22-2011, 03:52 PM	#2 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 65,570	Hi Hawkenman I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I don't know about you but I put my loved ones through a lot when I was drinking - they'd probably go ballistic too - and honestly? I'd expect them to. Sure it would be nice if people praised us for good behavior - but it doesn't really work that way in the world....when we're being 'good' we're just being the people we should be, and the people our loved ones expect us to be. Ultimately I think our motivation needs to be internal anyway. We have to want to do this for ourselves, not anyone else. Hope to see you around some more D __________________

09-23-2011, 06:09 AM	#3 (permalink)
Astro Forum Leader Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family! Posts: 12,777	Yep, cleaning up our wreckage isn't fun but it's best if we kept it focused on ourselves, and on doing the next indicated right thing. Hey I'm just glad you're back rather than being "out there" with the living dead, and I hope you stick around. __________________ "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---WOW-What a ride!"

09-25-2011, 07:00 PM	#8 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 65,570	I'm glad you're back on the right road Hawkenman D __________________

09-25-2011, 07:22 PM	#9 (permalink)
Ghostly Groovy Dancer Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: The States Posts: 3,899	Thank you for sharing Hawkenman. Hopefully your experience can help others. Wishing the best for you. __________________ Won't you look down upon me Jesus? You've got to help me make a stand. You've just got to see me through another day. My body's aching and my time is at hand, I won't make it any other way. - James Taylor

09-24-2011, 12:35 PM	#4 (permalink)
Hawkenman Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Cedar Key Florida Posts: 19	Thanks guys I'm going to AA tonight and get another white chip (#4), I am not proud of being an alcoholic but I'm not ashamed. I live in a very small community, as a matter of fact it is an island that has about eight hundred people living there. Everyone knows everyone's business, when I buy booze I have to go out of town which is thirty five miles away. It is amazing how powerful this liquid jail has put me in. I just hope and pray I can quit.

09-25-2011, 03:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
didboi Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: oxfordshire Posts: 9	You said after five years of sobriety you jumped off the wagon. Can I pry and ask why you think that happened? I am five years and recently been aware that a lot of people have gone out after 5-7 years. I am only asking for selfish reasons cos I am approaching 5 years too. Did you stop going to meetings? Did you stop working with others? Did you stop having a sponsor? I don't mean to pry but again would like to learn from your experience. Well done for coming back, it shows the mark of a man to do the things he fears to do. I hope the stuff resolves itself between your wife and yourself.

09-25-2011, 06:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
Hawkenman Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Cedar Key Florida Posts: 19	I am a avid hunter and I got the largest buck I have seen. During this time my wife of 16 years said she was no longer interested in sex. It was a a stack of excuses that I used to start drinking. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I was looking for justification to drink. I went by the local store and bought 3 Spark's drinks, these drinks are at 8 per cent alcohol. I thought, well after 5 and a half years of sobriety I think I can finally social drink. Going to the hunting camp I was so excited and had a buzz I have not had in 5 years. But he next day I went back and got 3 more, it snowballed to 5 to eight per day and then I went back to Vodka and wine. This pattern of obuse to myself went on for another 3 weeks. Finally one morning(after my wife found the reciept for booze) I realized that I was the same old drunk I was a long time ago. So I detoxed by myself, went through the DT's (I don't recogmend this because you could die). I layed in bed for 3 days shaking and swetting, no one checked on me, my wife thought I was going through a bad hangover and would not have anything to do with me. I am trying to get in to a 2 month alcohol rehab but the bed space is limited. To answer your question there is no answer except alcohol can sneak up behind you and take control of your life when you least expect it. Yes I do have a great sponsor, but I was too ashamed to admit it to him. I have since then and he was very supportive. I just to have to take one day at a time. My 14 year old son is finally talking to me and that gives me alot of faith. But I've got to get sober for myself first.

09-28-2011, 10:16 PM	#10 (permalink)
notdrunktoday Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Wa Posts: 29	Thanks for sharing hawkenman.

09-30-2011, 01:16 PM	#11 (permalink)
Hawkenman Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Cedar Key Florida Posts: 19	I got my bank statement for the month of Sept.,( my salary is once a month) I had spent right at $ 400.00 dollars on on booze. With this cut it will be a dry month whether I want it to be or not. I give my wife half of my paycheck just to keep her from bitching and I still love her because she gave me a son when she was 43. But she is not supportive and being a holy roller she thinks an alcoholic can just quit anytime they want to, (little does she know). But I am not trying to get sober for her or anyone else, I finally figured out that I am number one and it is a battle that I have to defeat.

10-01-2011, 07:25 PM	#13 (permalink)
Hawkenman Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Cedar Key Florida Posts: 19	Thanks guys, I just got back from AA and our group had a speaker meeting. There was one speaker that could have been my clone, he told about the numerous times he stopped and started drinking again.It took him 7 years of on and off drinking for it to finally take hold that he could not socially drink. He said that he continued to go to AA meetings wheather he was drinking or not. And finally he got enough insite that he is doing bettter and sober.

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