Does it ever get better? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

underoath · 08-16-2011, 05:35 PM

First off, thank God this is anonymous, I wouldn't be comfortable having this conversation but it is getting serious.

I am 18 years old and have about 4 months clean. Started recovery 7 months ago, had a relapse around 90 days, only used a small amount in a time span of 8 hours...

Anyways, my drug of choice was cocaine... and one of my favorite activities while using cocaine alone in my room was watching pornography... and I will let you feel in the blanks.

I would do this for hours, non-stop... literally....

Well, ever since I got clean, every time I feel sexually aroused I get an overwhelming urge to use cocaine. A little "icing on the cake" so to speak.
That being said, I don't get sexually aroused that often, but I still watch porn every day and * cough cough * whether I feel like it or not.
Too be honest, porn sucks, I have become desensitized to it... I miss the days of being 13 and seeing a hot girl and just feeling so sexually charged... but now it's just... boring.. but I still can't stop watching porn despite it being so boring...
Basically, I'm addicted to porn, but I can't get any pleasure out of it. I fear it will never be the same, I fear that I will never enjoy a girlfriend or anything the way I should.... I always feel like I'm missing something, (cocaine) and even then it's not THAT great because I have watched so much porn that it isn't anything special anymore...

Is this a hopeless situation? Will I ever regain my sense of intense sexual pleasure?
Any advice would be appreciated...

**Dee74** · 08-16-2011, 06:58 PM

I think if you're doing something you don't want to do, that you feel is damaging you - and yet you can't stop doing it, that's an addictive behaviour.

Just like any other addiction, if you've tried stopping and can't, it's probably time to look for help UO.

Everyone who is addicted wants to return to being normal - I think it holds true the first step is addressing the addiction, no matter what the addiction is.

There are recovery programmes for sex addiction too - 12 step programmes and not....
I found these links on SR

http://www.sexaa.org/
http://www.slaaonline.org/boards/

but I guess the struggle is about taking that first step and asking for help...

D

underoath · 08-16-2011, 07:27 PM

thanks.... My main concern is if I will ever be able to enjoy sex again.. I mean I enjoy it now I guess... I can "perform" just fine... but it's boring compared to how it used to be... and it makes me crave cocaine

underoath · 08-16-2011, 07:46 PM

well, I mean porn addict... I don't have enough sex to be a sex addict haha

Ghostly · 08-16-2011, 10:56 PM

I think you are used to sex being performed while you are high on cocaine. So now, plain sex seems boring.

It will take a while yet in your recovery till you start to enjoy things sober, that you used to high. I can relate, as for years I frequently had sex when I was drunk, and wanted to be drunk if I wasn't.

I think you'll get back to enjoying sex, As for the porn, normally not a bad thing, but can be when it's done to the extreme.

Good luck!

camedown · 08-16-2011, 11:40 PM

I did the same thing with speed. I quit using that about eight years ago, and yes, the joy does come back. It is a matter of coming to the realization that women aren't anything like what is portrayed in porn. That medium creates such a false image of what sex is about, especially to someone as young as you. Give it time, and take care of the coke addiction first. Spend time getting to know girls as people, not the objects that are in the vids. It will take a while, maybe a long while, but with time and maybe a couple of actual, real life relationships, it will return. Most of the pleasure derived from sex is the connection with your partner, the closer you are, the better it is. Good luck.

jallonee · 09-08-2011, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by underoath

First off, thank God this is anonymous, I wouldn't be comfortable having this conversation but it is getting serious.

I am 18 years old and have about 4 months clean. Started recovery 7 months ago, had a relapse around 90 days, only used a small amount in a time span of 8 hours...

Anyways, my drug of choice was cocaine... and one of my favorite activities while using cocaine alone in my room was watching pornography... and I will let you feel in the blanks.

I would do this for hours, non-stop... literally....

Well, ever since I got clean, every time I feel sexually aroused I get an overwhelming urge to use cocaine. A little "icing on the cake" so to speak.
That being said, I don't get sexually aroused that often, but I still watch porn every day and * cough cough * whether I feel like it or not.
Too be honest, porn sucks, I have become desensitized to it... I miss the days of being 13 and seeing a hot girl and just feeling so sexually charged... but now it's just... boring.. but I still can't stop watching porn despite it being so boring...
Basically, I'm addicted to porn, but I can't get any pleasure out of it. I fear it will never be the same, I fear that I will never enjoy a girlfriend or anything the way I should.... I always feel like I'm missing something, (cocaine) and even then it's not THAT great because I have watched so much porn that it isn't anything special anymore...

Is this a hopeless situation? Will I ever regain my sense of intense sexual pleasure?
Any advice would be appreciated...

You should stop it. Just try something new. Just try the normal way. Try with the girls and don't use drugs..

TheJules · 09-11-2011, 12:10 PM

Hey underoath,
I understand your concern, from my experience I agree with some of the others...Just stay clean, keep going to meetings and have you talked to your sponsor? Well if you do not have one I suggest you get ASAP, its extremely important for me to have one. Im 54 and sober 18 years and I need someone to share this type of stuff with and someone who can call me on my crap and help keep me honest.. Oh I do not rely on him as much as I used to but he is still a great help to me and he knows my whole story and how I tick...

You will become a healthy happy recovering member in time..I would suggest working the steps on these matters and S/A is a great idea as well..For myself as time went by and I learned to be a friend to women my relationships grew...Its a matter of learning to live life on lifes terms, learning to be a friend. I stayed out of relationships a long time after my girlfriend left when I was 2 years sober.. Oh I tried to have one, but God just knew I needed time to grow and learn....The god news is if you DO recovery, work the steps and rely on your higher power...The relations you will have with others will be amazing. The relationship I have today with my wife is simply amazing. Sex is Greater and more Fun then I could have ever even imagined with no booze or cocaine, yes Ive done my share of Cocaine and I know about sex and coke and other drugs to well....
Go to S/A if you need to, but for me its just simply about sharing like we are doing now and and asking my HP to remove all these defects I have. You need to figure out what where you are at fault ask your HP to remove the defect after sharing with your sponsor....Work these steps and just DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING....I could go on and on, but I will spare you..LOL! You will be fine just do these things we suggest and DO NOT forget to pray for help ..

TJ

fuster · 09-17-2011, 11:07 PM

Hello, Underoath:

I had the same issue when I got into recovery. That was in 1994. Yes, cocaine does make orgasms way more intense, at least I felt like they did. And I felt I lost that pleasure when I entered recovery.

To answer your question about whether it will get better, I feel it did for me, but it took some years to get there. Part of it is the process of repair of neural pathways, part is adjusting how you view orgasm and sexual intercourse. We picture it the way we are used to doing it, such as smoking a cigarette after we are done, etc. For me, I had to do coke right before having sex to make it the greatest pleasure. But that is simply a perspective I had at that time, and over time I changed it. Or maybe I just changed. I am not sure exactly how it worked.

The porn thing is also a tough one. Looking at pictures or movies instead of looking at a girl sitting next to you is a form of substitution that gives you a false sense of what is the ideal woman. The problem is then you are not satisfied with any woman you are with, they are never "perfect enough" no matter who they are. And porn causes us to focus on the outside of the person instead of what is on the inside. So again, this is an attitude adjustment that can be changed around. Do you want to romance the porn or a real live warm lady? You know you really want the latter, not the former. If you didn't, you would not have posted this question here.

Ramblon · 10-06-2011, 03:24 PM

Well at least you havent linked coke or sex with dead bodies. All jokes aside, I hope you have by now broke this cylce of links. I've been there done that. When I was doin that I spent hours just tryin to get it up. Coke would not let me have an erection no matter how I tried. Anyway, I moved onto other things like alcohol. Works better with erection and porn. Now-a-days, I'm living a healthy lifestyle and finding it getting better and better. Good luck bro.

memmesnuiver · 10-20-2011, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by underoath

Is this a hopeless situation? Will I ever regain my sense of intense sexual pleasure?
Any advice would be appreciated...

First of all reading your words is like watching in a mirror. Acting like that nonstop for 20 hours became common here. Succeeded in bringing it back to 8 hours, hope soon to leave this bad habit for good.

Regaining your sence of intense sexual pleasure is possible. Went to Greece this summer. Lived there on a small island for 3 months. No cocaine available there. Found myself quick back under the great sun between a lot of nice people.

After 8 days being clean 'old school' sexual arousal came back. Turned out that sexual joy without cocaine was worth to experience again.

Stupid that I started to snort again large amounts when I was back home.

So the best thing for both of us is to leave the white demon behind!

Catfisher · 02-03-2012, 09:45 PM

Cross addictions are difficult beasts to master. I found my craving for porn came in the early hours of the morning when I was hungover. I would go at it for about three times, then once I felt completely done, I'd get dressed and head down to the store and pick up a few bottles and come home and get plastered. Partly to numb the guilt and partly in anticipation for the feeling I would have being hungover. It got to the point where I couldn't have one without the other. I recently stopped drinking and in the last couple of weeks, have barely masturbated and haven't surfed for porn once. I feel like my libido abandoned me.

Oh well, having a girlfriend is time consuming and expensive anyway. More bike parts for me to spend money on and more time to go riding.

08-16-2011, 05:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
underoath polyaddicted cocanut Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: South Carolina Posts: 706	Does it ever get better? First off, thank God this is anonymous, I wouldn't be comfortable having this conversation but it is getting serious. I am 18 years old and have about 4 months clean. Started recovery 7 months ago, had a relapse around 90 days, only used a small amount in a time span of 8 hours... Anyways, my drug of choice was cocaine... and one of my favorite activities while using cocaine alone in my room was watching pornography... and I will let you feel in the blanks. I would do this for hours, non-stop... literally.... Well, ever since I got clean, every time I feel sexually aroused I get an overwhelming urge to use cocaine. A little "icing on the cake" so to speak. That being said, I don't get sexually aroused that often, but I still watch porn every day and * cough cough * whether I feel like it or not. Too be honest, porn sucks, I have become desensitized to it... I miss the days of being 13 and seeing a hot girl and just feeling so sexually charged... but now it's just... boring.. but I still can't stop watching porn despite it being so boring... Basically, I'm addicted to porn, but I can't get any pleasure out of it. I fear it will never be the same, I fear that I will never enjoy a girlfriend or anything the way I should.... I always feel like I'm missing something, (cocaine) and even then it's not THAT great because I have watched so much porn that it isn't anything special anymore... Is this a hopeless situation? Will I ever regain my sense of intense sexual pleasure? Any advice would be appreciated... __________________ "That's the nature of the beast. If we have nothing left but death, it's a clear but subtle threat. 'The south is where I lay my sword and the stage is where my heart will rest'"

08-16-2011, 06:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 65,421	I think if you're doing something you don't want to do, that you feel is damaging you - and yet you can't stop doing it, that's an addictive behaviour. Just like any other addiction, if you've tried stopping and can't, it's probably time to look for help UO. Everyone who is addicted wants to return to being normal - I think it holds true the first step is addressing the addiction, no matter what the addiction is. There are recovery programmes for sex addiction too - 12 step programmes and not.... I found these links on SR http://www.sexaa.org/ http://www.slaaonline.org/boards/ but I guess the struggle is about taking that first step and asking for help... D __________________

08-16-2011, 07:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
underoath polyaddicted cocanut Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: South Carolina Posts: 706	thanks.... My main concern is if I will ever be able to enjoy sex again.. I mean I enjoy it now I guess... I can "perform" just fine... but it's boring compared to how it used to be... and it makes me crave cocaine __________________ "That's the nature of the beast. If we have nothing left but death, it's a clear but subtle threat. 'The south is where I lay my sword and the stage is where my heart will rest'"

08-16-2011, 07:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
underoath polyaddicted cocanut Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: South Carolina Posts: 706	well, I mean porn addict... I don't have enough sex to be a sex addict haha __________________ "That's the nature of the beast. If we have nothing left but death, it's a clear but subtle threat. 'The south is where I lay my sword and the stage is where my heart will rest'"

08-16-2011, 10:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ghostly Groovy Dancer Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: The States Posts: 3,894	I think you are used to sex being performed while you are high on cocaine. So now, plain sex seems boring. It will take a while yet in your recovery till you start to enjoy things sober, that you used to high. I can relate, as for years I frequently had sex when I was drunk, and wanted to be drunk if I wasn't. I think you'll get back to enjoying sex, As for the porn, normally not a bad thing, but can be when it's done to the extreme. Good luck! __________________ Won't you look down upon me Jesus? You've got to help me make a stand. You've just got to see me through another day. My body's aching and my time is at hand, I won't make it any other way. - James Taylor

08-16-2011, 11:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
camedown MINEr Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Bay Area, Ca Posts: 501 Blog Entries: 1	I did the same thing with speed. I quit using that about eight years ago, and yes, the joy does come back. It is a matter of coming to the realization that women aren't anything like what is portrayed in porn. That medium creates such a false image of what sex is about, especially to someone as young as you. Give it time, and take care of the coke addiction first. Spend time getting to know girls as people, not the objects that are in the vids. It will take a while, maybe a long while, but with time and maybe a couple of actual, real life relationships, it will return. Most of the pleasure derived from sex is the connection with your partner, the closer you are, the better it is. Good luck. __________________ With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

09-11-2011, 12:10 PM	#8 (permalink)
TheJules Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 1	Sober & Grateful Hey underoath, I understand your concern, from my experience I agree with some of the others...Just stay clean, keep going to meetings and have you talked to your sponsor? Well if you do not have one I suggest you get ASAP, its extremely important for me to have one. Im 54 and sober 18 years and I need someone to share this type of stuff with and someone who can call me on my crap and help keep me honest.. Oh I do not rely on him as much as I used to but he is still a great help to me and he knows my whole story and how I tick... You will become a healthy happy recovering member in time..I would suggest working the steps on these matters and S/A is a great idea as well..For myself as time went by and I learned to be a friend to women my relationships grew...Its a matter of learning to live life on lifes terms, learning to be a friend. I stayed out of relationships a long time after my girlfriend left when I was 2 years sober.. Oh I tried to have one, but God just knew I needed time to grow and learn....The god news is if you DO recovery, work the steps and rely on your higher power...The relations you will have with others will be amazing. The relationship I have today with my wife is simply amazing. Sex is Greater and more Fun then I could have ever even imagined with no booze or cocaine, yes Ive done my share of Cocaine and I know about sex and coke and other drugs to well.... Go to S/A if you need to, but for me its just simply about sharing like we are doing now and and asking my HP to remove all these defects I have. You need to figure out what where you are at fault ask your HP to remove the defect after sharing with your sponsor....Work these steps and just DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING....I could go on and on, but I will spare you..LOL! You will be fine just do these things we suggest and DO NOT forget to pray for help .. TJ

09-17-2011, 11:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
fuster Late stage optimist Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Auburn, WA Posts: 293	Hello, Underoath: I had the same issue when I got into recovery. That was in 1994. Yes, cocaine does make orgasms way more intense, at least I felt like they did. And I felt I lost that pleasure when I entered recovery. To answer your question about whether it will get better, I feel it did for me, but it took some years to get there. Part of it is the process of repair of neural pathways, part is adjusting how you view orgasm and sexual intercourse. We picture it the way we are used to doing it, such as smoking a cigarette after we are done, etc. For me, I had to do coke right before having sex to make it the greatest pleasure. But that is simply a perspective I had at that time, and over time I changed it. Or maybe I just changed. I am not sure exactly how it worked. The porn thing is also a tough one. Looking at pictures or movies instead of looking at a girl sitting next to you is a form of substitution that gives you a false sense of what is the ideal woman. The problem is then you are not satisfied with any woman you are with, they are never "perfect enough" no matter who they are. And porn causes us to focus on the outside of the person instead of what is on the inside. So again, this is an attitude adjustment that can be changed around. Do you want to romance the porn or a real live warm lady? You know you really want the latter, not the former. If you didn't, you would not have posted this question here.

10-06-2011, 03:24 PM	#10 (permalink)
Ramblon Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: new york Posts: 29	Well at least you havent linked coke or sex with dead bodies. All jokes aside, I hope you have by now broke this cylce of links. I've been there done that. When I was doin that I spent hours just tryin to get it up. Coke would not let me have an erection no matter how I tried. Anyway, I moved onto other things like alcohol. Works better with erection and porn. Now-a-days, I'm living a healthy lifestyle and finding it getting better and better. Good luck bro.

02-03-2012, 09:45 PM	#12 (permalink)
Catfisher Avenger of my liver Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 83	Cross addictions are difficult beasts to master. I found my craving for porn came in the early hours of the morning when I was hungover. I would go at it for about three times, then once I felt completely done, I'd get dressed and head down to the store and pick up a few bottles and come home and get plastered. Partly to numb the guilt and partly in anticipation for the feeling I would have being hungover. It got to the point where I couldn't have one without the other. I recently stopped drinking and in the last couple of weeks, have barely masturbated and haven't surfed for porn once. I feel like my libido abandoned me. Oh well, having a girlfriend is time consuming and expensive anyway. More bike parts for me to spend money on and more time to go riding.

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