Question...GF wants to go to bar - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

slheimerl · 08-05-2011, 12:03 AM

Hello all been here a little while but life outside of here got a little busy. Hoping to stay around a little more than i have been. Well, it a real supportive relationship just had one questions and that's stated above. I'll give a little background. I am an alcoholic/addict with 1 yr clean. In a relationship with a women I feel for over 20 yrs ago, before i was really active. Life happened but mysteriously we ended up back together several months ago. We are open, honest and supportive of each other. She is supportive of my recovery and proud of how far I have come. She has no problem's with alcohol/drugs. She has brought up the question recently if I would have a problem with her going out to the bar. I said the obvious things and just made her question if I trusted her. She said she didn't want to go out to drink it was just to go out with a girl-friend or two to either do some dancing or karaoke. She said she wouldn't be out all night, wouldn't drink and the only reason was to have fun doing these activities with her gf's. I don't know what to think. I trust her and realize drinking is my problem and not her. Just wish i had some advice from others who may have gone thru the same or have little more wisdom than me.

I think by not letting her it will cause more problems. I also have fears it may lead into more than just the occassional thing. I want her to go in hopes of settle my fears also but not sure if this is right either. Well, thanks for listening and hope to hear some great advice.

Thank,
Stace

**Dee74** · 08-05-2011, 12:08 AM

Hi Stace

If you trust her, I don't really get what the problem is?

D

Ghostly · 08-05-2011, 01:17 PM

She's going out with friends. Support that and have fun on your own or with someone else for a while that night.

TheOjibway84 · 08-20-2011, 11:03 AM

Yeah. She doesn't have a problem with drinking. And she should be able to go out with her friends anywhere really. It's only when she has friends over and they bring booze would I think it isn't okay. She knows you have a problem but make sure you allow her to do what she would like, you don't want to sound paranoid and ordering her what to do. Good luck

miamifella · 08-20-2011, 01:30 PM

It is unclear why you feel this would not be right. I think you need to say more.

Also, you say you worry that it might become a regular thing--why would that be a problem? Do you have a problem with her having friends?

08-05-2011, 12:03 AM	#1 (permalink)
slheimerl Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Appleton, WI Posts: 2	Question...GF wants to go to bar Hello all been here a little while but life outside of here got a little busy. Hoping to stay around a little more than i have been. Well, it a real supportive relationship just had one questions and that's stated above. I'll give a little background. I am an alcoholic/addict with 1 yr clean. In a relationship with a women I feel for over 20 yrs ago, before i was really active. Life happened but mysteriously we ended up back together several months ago. We are open, honest and supportive of each other. She is supportive of my recovery and proud of how far I have come. She has no problem's with alcohol/drugs. She has brought up the question recently if I would have a problem with her going out to the bar. I said the obvious things and just made her question if I trusted her. She said she didn't want to go out to drink it was just to go out with a girl-friend or two to either do some dancing or karaoke. She said she wouldn't be out all night, wouldn't drink and the only reason was to have fun doing these activities with her gf's. I don't know what to think. I trust her and realize drinking is my problem and not her. Just wish i had some advice from others who may have gone thru the same or have little more wisdom than me. I think by not letting her it will cause more problems. I also have fears it may lead into more than just the occassional thing. I want her to go in hopes of settle my fears also but not sure if this is right either. Well, thanks for listening and hope to hear some great advice. Thank, Stace

08-05-2011, 12:08 AM	#2 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 67,089	Hi Stace If you trust her, I don't really get what the problem is? D __________________

08-05-2011, 01:17 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ghostly Groovy Dancer Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: The States Posts: 3,930	She's going out with friends. Support that and have fun on your own or with someone else for a while that night. __________________ Won't you look down upon me Jesus? You've got to help me make a stand. You've just got to see me through another day. My body's aching and my time is at hand, I won't make it any other way. - James Taylor

08-20-2011, 11:03 AM	#4 (permalink)
TheOjibway84 Guest Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Ontario Canada Posts: 189 Blog Entries: 23	Yeah. She doesn't have a problem with drinking. And she should be able to go out with her friends anywhere really. It's only when she has friends over and they bring booze would I think it isn't okay. She knows you have a problem but make sure you allow her to do what she would like, you don't want to sound paranoid and ordering her what to do. Good luck

08-20-2011, 01:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
miamifella Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Miami, FL Posts: 897	It is unclear why you feel this would not be right. I think you need to say more. Also, you say you worry that it might become a regular thing--why would that be a problem? Do you have a problem with her having friends?

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