Performance Anxiety

[Waterman]

This is kinduva personal issue for me, but it's perhaps the most annoying, so I'd like to see a little "hope". I have suffered a few 'bouts" of performance anxiety throughout my adult life, but recovered quickly, as I had booze to fall back on. Booze calmed my nerves and restored my confidence. This morning, I was physically "ready", as has been the norm lately, but when my wife was going to 'oblige" me, anxiety took over the situation. I HATE that!!!! Hate it, hate it......Anybody got any suggestions for something to calm my nerves? Wife understands, I think. It's got to be a little annoying for her, too. Back when I was drinking, I think that I put too much emphasis on sex. Heck, I almost "worshipped" it. I have never been unfaithful to my wife, and I have enjoyed a very active life with her in that department over our 20+ years of marriage. Physically, I know I'm fine, but the "key" element in this department is mental.

[baldjim]

i have sufferd that too ,i'm ok with my long term partner she sems to always er er get a rise out of me and i know she can but when we broke up coz of my drinking probs i had some trouble with new partners for a while till my confidence grew ,its a maddening thing to happen but you know you are ok but still it wont er grow to know someone a bit better

[Waterman]

Originally Posted by baldjim

i have sufferd that too ,i'm ok with my long term partner she sems to always er er get a rise out of me and i know she can but when we broke up coz of my drinking probs i had some trouble with new partners for a while till my confidence grew ,its a maddening thing to happen but you know you are ok but still it wont er grow to know someone a bit better

It's funny...we went on vacation about mid-way through my sobriety, and in the "away" environment, I was calm, with no anxiety, and everything was fine. I thought....."great....I'm getting back to being me again". Obviously, I'm still "on the road" to my recovery, 'cause my nerves are worse now than then..Thanks, Jim.

[Dime]

Hi,

Have you been to your doctor recently? Always a good idea to stay in touch with a doctor, particularly in early sobriety.

Also, a lot of medications that can have a negative impact are not always communicated by the doctor. Sexual side effects of medications tend to be significantly under reported in clinical studies.

[freeflyin]

time and practice makes all the difference.

edging


dont drink

[Dime]

I am looking at your avatar Free and LMAO. Looks like she is very happy!

[Waterman]

Originally Posted by Dime

Hi,

Have you been to your doctor recently? Always a good idea to stay in touch with a doctor, particularly in early sobriety.

Also, a lot of medications that can have a negative impact are not always communicated by the doctor. Sexual side effects of medications tend to be significantly under reported in clinical studies.

Thanks. I'm only taking medicine for rheumatoid arthritis, and I've been on that for years. Plaquenil and methotrexate. I have started back a little taking Buspar for anxiety. I took it for a couple weeks, then stopped when I thought I was better. It's probably worked itself out of my system by now. I will go back to see my Dr. Have an appt. for Monday. You would think there would be a "confidence-enhancer" on the market, for the mental aspect of the situation.

[Firehazard]

Thanks for sharing that as I'm 25days away from my completing one year without sex as suggested for newcomers. Yeah I'll be nervous in a way. Try buying calcium-magnesium citrate from the health food store and take under the suggested serving size. I guarantee it will calm you down and help get the needed supplements for a damaged nervous system.

[Waterman]

Originally Posted by Firehazard

Thanks for sharing that as I'm 25days away from my completing one year without sex as suggested for newcomers. Yeah I'll be nervous in a way. Try buying calcium-magnesium citrate from the health food store and take under the suggested serving size. I guarantee it will calm you down and help get the needed supplements for a damaged nervous system.

Thanks, but One year without sex? if If I have to go that long, I may "fall off the wagon"....

[kurtykoo]

Haven't dated someone seriously in a while, but as stated, I need to warm up to someone first...otherwise I get that all-consuming feeling in my body. My therapist says it's better when meeting someone new to NOT discuss it...to pretend like it isn't a problem. Although it also seems like communication about it is important....any thoughts?

[Grateful Bill]

Man,, I know how you feel!!! God does some funky stuff to us, bad enough we can't get out of our heads as it is some days, we got crap in the brain that tries to rob us of the one thing we thought we could do AND ALL OF A SUDDEN boom! The more we worry, the worse it gets and on and on... Man, I got me some of the pharamceutical cure, i am not proud and I have a woman recovering as well. she tried to make like it didn't bother her, BUT we talked and talked... But ya know it sucks for both so hence the little blue devils. The worry subsided and damned if I really don't worry because I have them when I need, and ya know, I have actually managed to function without them because I quieted the monkeys in my head This worked for me, at 53 this is the one thing i have always worried about even before it became reality. I don't even use a whole 50 mg. most of the time,,, as recovery time passes, the crap in our head subsides and lets the rest of our body work like it should. We spent so long performing using, we forgot what it was like before. I was 11 when I started using so I didn't KNOW WHAT to expect. I prayed, got mad, frustrated her and I and finally I did what millions of other "normal" men have done.. Hang in there,, it'll straighten out (no pun intended,, maybe)!!!!! Try to relax, talk about it w/ the woman you love, and find a solution together,,you'll be surprised.

[wildboy99]

Oh yeah! Big Ouchy wow wow there!

I have had it happen as a confidence issue for most of my adult life. Until I got real comfortable with a woman, I couldn't perform consistently.

When I drank, I had it worse actually. It was about 7 years ago that I began asking the doctor about it. It turned out for me that it was part diet, part medical, and part mental. I didn't realize until recently that it was also part spiritual.

I got medication... Ive tried Viagra, Cialis and the other one and all of these worked like a champ. I even take the smallest dosage and cut them into quarters. All I needed was a little medical assurance and the self confidence problem went away. Most of the rest was medical. Constipation, High cloresteral, lot of caffeine, all these contribute to impudence problems. Cialis and the others fix all these problems and allow me to perform with my body the way I want to with my heart.

Today, I struggle not with performing but with building intimacy. My wife and I both got sober this year and have only begun to know each other. I practice patience and tolerance of myself and her often.

One of the old timers at a meeting told me this prayer and it seems to help too.

God, Thy will be done for (Insert wife here)______. Please make our relationship what you want it to be. Help me to see the truth in my thoughts and my actions.

[penny74]

That is fear feeding on it's self.
A vicious circle..
Good luck.