I'm too young for this

[SillyBilly]

I'm sh** scared if I head down the AA recovery path and follow the 12 steps I'll just end up married or in a monogamous relationship. I'm not ready for that yet. There's way to much punani out there I've still yet to bone.


This fear buggered up my relationships in the past. I was never 100% in any of them. I only wanted fun and not to settle down, I mean f$%#, I'm 23 this year, I'm not ready for that.


I want to stick with my recovery, but I'm still playing the field here. I should look into the secular recovery section maybe.


What are your thoughts guys? has this ever crossed anyone elses mind?

[Jaman34]

lol....your a pretty funny guy my man....those thoughts always crossed my mind when I was your age...now I'm 35 and married and wouldn't trade her in for all the wenches in Ireland.......when your ready..you'll know....just like when you knew you wanted to get sober...take care...good luck..

[zxcirce]

getting sober doesn't mean you can't sleep around! seriously. i do. i'm just smarter about it now and only sleep with people i find attractive when i'm sober. it's not a bad thing really!

[Dime]

LOL

Billy good looking woman are everywhere and we have to learn to deal with that. Some of the AA meetings near me are men only and some are mostly men. Personally I like mixed meetings because I like to hear the ladies viewpoints. I would chose the best recovery program that you think is right for you and stick with it. Normally in AA you get a Sponsor to work the steps and they can be a big help in keeping you on the right path. But whatever you do I would keep going with a recovery program. I used AA and I believe that it really helped me.

By the way you are a riot!!

[SillyBilly]

Thanks guys. I was just having a little freak-out. All is good.

.. for now anyway

[baldjim]

well sliilbilly its like this

women may be able to fake an orgasm but men can fake a whole relationship


at the end of the day you only get out what you put into it ,no funny :wtf2 intended

[SillyBilly]

LOL mate - I have an old t-shirt with that printed on it

[Gmoney]

I was a bachelor when I got clean almost 11 years ago, and I'm still a bachelor (by choice). Marraige and/or monogamy aren't prerequisites or a conclusion of recovery. Yet, since working a program, I've learned the value of being honest and upfront in my dealings with women. Putting my cards on the table keeps down the drama, and I've found that there's plenty of women who think the same as you do, SillyBilly.

[utopia]

for me recovery doesnt try to select my values it just asks me to define them and to have them so i know what works for me. the only committment i feel i needed to make was to meetings, reading the literature and to seeking conscious contact with the higher power.

[Rob B]

Maybe one day you will have a daughter, how would you like her hooking up with a guy like you?

Selfish behaviors are a hallmark of untreated alcoholism, my bet is that if the little head continues to do the thinking for the bighead, your recovery will be short lived. Live with it, until you can't. Yeah it's stong language, take it or leave it, my experience is that I have seen lots of guys go back out over women, some of them are no longer around to tell their story

[BenMacdui]

Originally Posted by Rob B

Maybe one day you will have a daughter, how would you like her hooking up with a guy like you?

Selfish behaviors are a hallmark of untreated alcoholism, my bet is that if the little head continues to do the thinking for the bighead, your recovery will be short lived. Live with it, until you can't. Yeah it's stong language, take it or leave it, my experience is that I have seen lots of guys go back out over women, some of them are no longer around to tell their story

I think this response is too self-righteous. Playing the field and admitting to it is more acceptable these days for both men and women (take a look at the amount of "****-lit" memoirs and literature by female authors in the bookshops these days), and I think that as long as both parties know that it is a bit of fun and exercise protection then there is nothing morally wrong or selfish about it.

Nor does it necessarily reflect underlying untreated alcoholism. I don't subscribe to the rule that to maintain sobriety one has to adopt higher moral values than the average person.

[Rob B]

Think what you want Ben, I am sharing from a place of experience. You are sharing from a place of emotionalism. I do this work for a living, I know what I am talking about. Get back to me after you've written a thorough Sex Conduct inventory.

[McGowdog]

I have a book that says that sex and our conduct around it will surely kill us if we knowingly continue to harm others and/or treat others selfishly as we go on this path.

You don't have to be morally superior to anybody. This is true. What women think and do is none of my business. How I interact with them is pretty important. In fact, I'm given a whole bunch of freedom on how that all goes. There is a time and a place for unloading on how I view and treat women; it's called the 3rd Column.

Women, like us, come in all shapes and sizes... and they run the gamut on how they view sex as well. They can missuse their sex instinct just like we can... but at the end of the day, they don't drink and die over it. We do.

We've got a guy in our group who has been miserable and at times suicidal... over bad relationships and not fully submitting to God and this process. Every Spring Break, he goes out to Mexico and sits in a seaside bar and sulks over not being able to drink that Meyers Rum and juice or that Mai Tai and drum up the courage to take a pretty girl to bed. Meanwhile, his roommate is drunk and having sex back at their hotel. Then he comes back to our group, gritting his teeth, still sober, and miserable. He's going on 50. How would you like to be that guy? He either needs to drink or maybe, just maybe, change his ideas about God and about women.

[jimhere]

Maybe you are too young. Go and drink some more.

[ChillyBones]

Man I know how you feel. Your testosterone is still raging as you are young and you wanna fill your boots before you settle.

Variety is the spice of life mate, its human nature

My good pal is in the dog house as his girl is complaining that they dont have enough sex - she said

''Do you know, Bulls have sex around 2000 times per year?''

He said; ''Yeah? Well ask the Bull if he F**ks the same cow everytime!''

Think of it this way, you can enjoy a lovely peice of steak at home everynight (which you have) but sometimes you just want a nice greasy burger (the 1 nighters)

I like steak

CB

[Overman]

@ OP

Maybe I'm missing the something here, but what is the connection between monogamy and the 12 steps for an unmarried person?

[Dee74]

FYI the OP has long since left the building.

D

[Overman]

HAHA....I just looked at the dates.

Thanks Dee.

[McGowdog]

Originally Posted by Overman

@ OP

Maybe I'm missing the something here, but what is the connection between monogamy and the 12 steps for an unmarried person?

It's got everything to do with the 12 Steps of Alcohol recovery through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Go read pages 68, 69, and 70 sometime if you haven't lately. Sex conduct, along with resentment and fears (forms of self) will kill the alcoholic. But it's up to the individual and their God to decide what's acceptable and what's not. What does that mean? It's ok to be immoral and stay sober until it's not ok anymore. To some people, monogamy and marriage is the only way. To others, it's not needed.

It says...after we've done steps 1 through part of 4... something to the effect...

So what if we should stumble? Does that mean we'll get drunk? Not necessarily so. Some will tell us so, but that's only a half truth. It depends on our motives and if we're willing to let God take us to better things. If our behavior continues to be selfish though... we will surely drink. And for us to drink is to die.

So it may feel good to have that juicy burger and be ok for you. But it will kill some drunks!

Wow! We just found yet another thing that will kill drunks! Juicy Burgers! Enjoy!

[Overman]

ok, I read the pages in question. Three pages doesn't seem to be "everything to do" w/ AA.

p.69: "We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sexual conduct."



To summarize, all it really says is something vaguely similar to the Wiccan rede: 'Do what thou wilt, may it harm none.'

[McGowdog]

I'm on the straight pepper diet myself.

[Boleo]

Cirrhosis of the liver will cure you of that.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I'm trying to find where being sober means NOT playing the field when single... Even Google comes up with nada! Maybe Google is on to something..

[TheBigCat]

This old timer back when I sobered up used to tell the tale of this young guy he was sponsoring. One night the sponsee called him from a party and told him that there was this really fine chick there who wanted to have sex with him but wouldn't unless he drank with her, what should he do? He said that asked the fellow which was more important to him, getting laid or staying sober, and that was the last he heard from the young guy for about four months. :rotfl:

On a serious note: The fellowship is chock full of women looking to get their end away too. There are also hordes of non-addicted, non-co-dependant women out there who will respect the statement of "Look, this is just sex, okay?" That's if you really want to go that path. And I'm not just writing this for the benefit of the OP, but for anyone else who comes along and sees that post and has the same question.

But like everything else in your recovery, it boils down the matter of your ability to be honest with other people and with yourself.

[McGowdog]

Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing

I'm trying to find where being sober means NOT playing the field when single... Even Google comes up with nada! ...

That's great. If you can stay sober playing the field, then play the field. If you can stay sober stealing and rolling drunks, then roll drunks.

But if you are one of the alcoholics that have "lost the power of choice in drink", then you're gonna do some inventory or drink booze... or find some other recovery method.

If that other recovery method does not work and you are one of the few in A.A. who just going to meetings and "not drinking one day at a time" does not work for you, you will be required (suggested) to do an inventory. And in this inventory, you will be asked to look at each relationship and asked if it's selfish or not. If it's selfish and you know it and you continue to harm, you're quite sure to drink and you'll either die, lose your mind, or be introduced to a new kind of sex. Now that statement may offend some, but those folks who wrote the Big Book claim that this is fact based out of their own experiences. The last part of my statement is sort of "worst case scenario", but I thought it might be appropriate to some, being as we're talking about sex.

So for me today, it's about the right kind of sex and for the right reasons. That coupled with being sober and free of the things that block me from God makes it a pretty cool deal.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm starting to smell some good food!