Dating Sober Women

[Dime]

OK, so it's been over a year since I have been sober. I had a lot of people tell me to wait a year before having a relationship with a woman. Ironically some of the people that told me this met their significant other in early sobriety and probably fell real close to the definition of 13th steppin. They have some of the most solid relationships I have ever seen and are awesome parents.

Working the steps has changed me considerably. I am so proper with the ladies that I actually had one of them ask me if I was gay because I never hit on any of the ladies. This never would have never happened before I had worked the steps.

I am attracted to sober women who have worked the program as we have so much in common. How can I ask one of the ladies for a date without being clobbered with the "Stay away from the Ladies" thing? I'm dying to try out some of "new principles" I have learned working the steps in a relationship. I am at a point where establishing a meaningful relationship is a very important part of my recovery. I have something inside me that I want to share on an intimate basis.

Thanks

[Astro]

How about striking up a close friendship with a woman in recovery first, then seeing if it progresses to the point where you both want to have something more intimate? I too have always been very respectful of women in the program, I didn't cross the line and I've always tried to maintain safe distances and set boundaries for myself in an effort to have my relationships as safe and sane as possible. I guess what I'm suggesting is to keep it "light and polite" at first.

It didn't work well for me at first though. I formed a close friendship with another single parent about a year into sobriety, and for the next 1 1/2 years I dealt with issues of commitmentphobia and codependency. I thought I was ready for a relationship, but found out that I still had much work to do on myself.

I was three years into recovery before I was fully ready to commit myself to a relationship, thankfully it's a very healthy and loving one. Well, as healthy as it can be for two people who work their own programs of recovery

[Dime]

[SoberSheila]

LOL, we addicts/alcoholics all love to push the envelope! Trust me on this one, NOT a good idea. I did my 13th step thinking I was ready early on in recovery after having a year long relapse. Amazing what alcohol/drugs do to the mind. FIRST, I was just grateful that a man still wanted me. This lead to a poor choice in my 13th step...I might as well have been drinking that night.

Hang tight, talk to your sponsor.

[jsml1234]

SoberSheila,
I'm telling...
the sign on this door said Mens room.

If the line to the ladies room is too long, you'll just have to hold it.

This is the "He-man's Women Hating Club"... no chicks allowed

Although I sure Dime won't mind.

[Dime]

Heck Your Right JS!
I don't mind at all. Bring um all real quick please! I need all the help I can get. You fellas ever check the ratio of threads/posts women vs men. They have us smoked 10 to 1.

Truthfully I am totally clueless on this one. The thirteenth step type of stuff was not me even when I drank. Believe it or not I am looking for a meaningful relationship and intimacy. I am beginning to think something is wrong with me and I will be dead before it happens. If I were to say it was depressing that would be a gross understatement to say the least. Do I need to be a cave man or what?

[Astro]

Originally Posted by Dime

Believe it or not I am looking for a meaningful relationship and intimacy. I am beginning to think something is wrong with me and I will be dead before it happens.

Dime, I'll give you the sappy, spiritual viewpoint. Take it any way you please of course.

If this is the relationship you want, your Higher Power will give it to you when you're ready. At least that's what I believe

This is a reading that was given to me years ago, I share it often and fully believe in it........

GOD'S PLAN FOR YOUR MATE SELECTION
Everyone longs to give himself or herself completely to someone, to have a deep and committed soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly an unconditionally. But God says:

No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally, unreservedly to Me alone.

I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me; exclusively of anyone or anything else, exclusively of any other desires and longings.

I want you to have the very best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

Just keep your eyes on Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I AM.
Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must be patient.

Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
Just keep looking up to Me, or you will miss what I want to give you.

And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready ( I am working even this minute to have both of you ready at the same time). Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is perfect love.

And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love. I am your God, and you are my child. Believe it and be satisfied.

[mikefreak]

Companionship may be ( I repeat, MAY BE!) as important or MORE important as sex at this point in my life. There, said it...

[Dime]

You're spot on of where I am at today Mike.