My views on life have changed for the better, I think my girlfriends stayed the same

[MagicMan08]

I almost feel my whole attitude and outlook of my life has changed for the better since I have became sober. I feel nothing can get me down, and look forward to the things I can accomplish now that I am free of what held me back for several years. And actually have some self confidence back. I know I am a good person and have something to offer to this world and anyone in my life.

There is a problem with this. My girlfriend, I feel is stuck in the same way of life and thinking that she was in several months ago. Her life sucks and to her, it is my fault. I can never do anything right....I don't call her every day. Now I call her everyday and now it is not early enough. And I am a non-caring ******* for not calling her today until 8:30pm (texted earlier).... Or I didn't do this or that per her expectations. I feel I cannot win this battle.....and she constantly verbally abuses me. Now that I am sober I don't put up with the verbal abuse....I am like I don't say that to you....don't do it to me.

Its like **** an a. Can she just relax and enjoy the moment for what it is....and not be like....well you didn't do this and I expect that and you never did this before so now i am not putting up with it.

Some would say run and run far away. Well I have been with this woman for 4 years (all of which I drank) and still have this feeling we can work it out and be happy. But it is like....she has been pulling this **** every 2-3 days and expects me to wait on her hand and foot to keep her happy....otherwise I am selfish or an *******. Her idea of keeping me happy or working on our relationship is driving out to see me as I cannot drive....while she is here I have to constantly feel pressure to find something for us to do....or struggle to find food she likes to eat because she won't do any of this for her self.

Anyone have experiences with this?

I am having serious doubts about this situation improving.....as I can never get up to the point where I genuinely want to do these (expectation) things without forcing them. This is a result of any emotional feeling I get towards her in a day or two is deflated when we have a talk about everything I don't do or didn't do enough of (rinse and repeat). I pretty much said to her...."What the frick do I do RIGHT?" I cannot even remember the last time she complimented me and I toss em to her left and right and reassure her I care and want her in my life. (thanks for listening, but I am at this serious crossroads in my life, as I pretty much only have my family and her left as close people in my life that I can go out and do stuff with)

But I guess as someone may say, do the pros of this relationship outweigh the cons? (she would prolly say the same, heh)

[yeahgr8]

Hi there

IMO sobriety is all about you, the most important thing in your life is being sober and to keep working on yourself to improve your life. Isn't it great the options that suddenly appear lol it is crazy, all the things we thought we had to do and now don't, all the things we thought we could not do, and now can!

There is nothing or noone i would not give up to remain sober.

I hope you appreciate the restrain in my post:-) I did not say kick it to the kerb or take it down to market once!

Seriously though put up with it for a bit longer, then kick her out IMO. The problem is you will always have the baggage of when you were drinking as opposed to finding someone who knows you as a non drinker from the start. Also you probably were attracted to her through your old drunk brain and you will be looking for aomething else now.

Who knows you may be posting in 5 years saying you were glad that you did not split up as you went through this together and now have a really happy life together?! This is one for you and i wish you all the best!

But stop taking crap from her, hey?!

[MagicMan08]

In short.....she told me to have a good week when I talked to her last which was two days ago. And I am. If she wants me in her life....she will come back.

But I have came to the conclusion that I am going to live the way I live....and if that is not good enough....well then good luck and good riddance. Because personally, I think I am a pretty good honest respectable person when I am not using. Oh and fun to be around. If she does not call me within a week or two I will call her up and request to get my things back from her place....and move on.

I asked her last week if she had any goals for this next year.....she didn't give me an answer. Meanwhile told her I have several. Like get back to school, make progress on my debt, lose 40lbs, do some aa service work, attend an AA roundup somewhere in MN that I can actually drive to (yay), get a newer vehicle (without whiskey plates)....I just don't get how people can put so much power in someones hands to decide their happiness and piece of mind. To me...the grass is indeed greener on the other side.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS READ THIS THREAD......I needed to share this with someone....a guy at a speaker meeting I went to (first in over a year) said that if you have something that is bothering you....talk to someone....anyone.....because staying quiet and letting stuff fester inside you has never done anything positive for an addict and could lead to relapse.

[firestorm090]

Hey Magicman,

I'm glad you got my old girlfriend, lol.I once dated a girl that sounds eerily familiar to the one you're with now. She nitpicked me to death at times, I can't count all the times she told me; I didn't pay enough attention to her, I didn't call enough, the reataurants I likes were never good enough, the movies I liked were for "guys",(HUH?), the music I liked was old-fashioned, (I like classic rock and country), I didn't take her out enough, etc. etc. When I finally had enough, and told her it wasn't working out, I felt like I'd lost about two-thousand pounds of oppressive weight off my shoulders. I now understand why she was married five times. When we broke up, she got pissed and yelled at me, then said, "Another one bites the dust". Huh? Whew. As I drove away from her house, I remember turning on Bruce Springsteen and cranking the volume as loud as I could stand. It was sweet music to my ears. I've never regretted that drive.

I should have known something was really strange about her, when, on our second date, she braggingly told me she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Good thing I've sold the trailer, lol.

No advice, just been there, done that, lol.

[firestorm090]

Gee, I should proof-read my posts, sounds like I skipped alot of classes to get drunk.

Well, I did, lol.

[Fubarcdn]

No advice or comment from me either. Sometimes it is just good to vent. That is what I like about SR people will listen.