dating ACOA women and sabotage

[Northapt]

I ran across a post from a man who was being "patient"with the wounded woman who kept projecting her thoughts onto him and blowing him off. I thought it was so close to my situation, it blew me away.

I am a drug and alcohol counselor and found myself attracted to a coworker-another counselor.At first it was her idea to date saying "if I wasn't going out with so and so, I'd date you. You're a nice guy." She said this in front of several coworkers. Within two weeks, so and so had dumped her and after waiting a week or so, I asked her to a movie. At first she said yes, but later backed out because we work together and she has dated coworkers in the past and had to quit her job afterwards.

I backed off and the following week just asked for a coffee date. At first she said yes but to check back on wed. She of course again backed out. I really like this this woman and love the delicious conversations we have about everything from kids to psychology. She's very intelligent and can keep up with me on any subject. She always seeks me out for advice, insists we eat lunch together at the same time in the break room and always sits next to me at staffings.

I've asked her to coffee a total of 5 times (once she even gave me her home number to call her to ask her out), but always backs out. She usually uses working together or "focusing on her art carrier" as an excuse. She does this on the side for extra money and is actually very good.

She is 53..same age as me, been in recovery from alcohol addiction for 22 years, been married 5 times and had countless failed relationships with men. The over-all theme of them seem to be, men disappear, blow her off, use her and dump her, etc. So much for seeing her potential huh?

I began to notice that when I did ask her out, she would actually panic, I could see it in her eyes.
This seems to me to just be old ACOA stuff. These women tend to go for men who are unwilling or who are unable to give them love.

When a man shows up that could actually love them and there might be a happy ending, they sabotage it. So same result. They are alone and bitter.
It's tough because we work together and I see her everyday. I make myself available for her to talk as long as I'm not busy. I am trying to move in my mind though. I know relationships should be fun, joyful and have two willing partners who are emotionally available.
It's a shame. This woman is awesome. Unfortunately, she doesn't think she's all that awesome apparently.

I have no expectation of your feedback but would welcome it