Is this normal?

[Ed567]

Got a serious question here guys - maybe some of you are in the same boat.

I’m an AH - been sober now 4+ years - attending AA but not as much as I should be, but all-in-all, I feel pretty good about my recovery. I have occasional problems with selfishness and self pity, but I think even regular normal non AH people probably have those problems too from time to time and therein lies the rub…..

My wife (31+ years - non AH - no counseling) has been through a lot with me - no doubt. But with every disagreement we may have, or anything I may disremember or just any time I might feel a little frustrated with my job or anything, she’s quick to blame it on my “problem” as she calls it. She thinks I should be mentally in better shape than I seem to be at this point. I drank for 25 years - I know I did some damage to myself and I keep a positive outlook that I’m getting better, but it’s so frustrating to me to have everything that might go wrong in our relationship blamed on my past. She is very quick to point out my transgressions and short term failures are a result of my past drinking and my present state of mind due to my past drinking. It’s like I’m not allowed to be disagreeable or to get depressed about anything.

I know she loves me and wants everything to be normal again (I’m just hoping for as normal as it can be - all thing considered….), but I feel like my alcoholism is like an albatross around my neck that I will never be rid of. I want to get back to a normal life, but at every bump in the road, I’m reminded of my past mistakes and of how much I “owe” her or how much she’s “due” for putting up with me during my drunk days.

Lord knows I do “owe” her for all I’ve put her through, and she is “due” some peace of mind, but will the blame ever end?

Ed567

[suki44883]

Have you sat down and told her what you have just told us? While she should be commended for standing by you through your alcoholism, it is not right that she throw it in your face now. Everyone is allowed a bad day occasionally, and just because you drank in the past doesn't mean it has anything to do with what you are feeling today. Maybe she doesn't want to deal with anything that makes her feel uncomfortable, and she just uses your past as a way of not having to deal. Just a thought. If you haven't, maybe you should try telling her what you just told us. (((HUGS)))

[ex D-Boy]

very well put suk....couldnt have said it any better than you just did. Hope everything works out for ya Ed, keep posting and let us know how it goes when you express your feelings about the situation with her.


BTW :::: Suk get outta the mens room!!!!!