Relapsed - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

nathanemile · 11-04-2007, 11:55 AM

I wasn't sure where to put this.
Anyway, last night I relapsed.. sort of.
Well, not really "sort of".
I took some codine to get high, but it didn't do anything. What I really wanted was beer, but there wasn't any.
My sponser was being a real ball buster about it, as he should be.
But, it's still not fair. Now I have to deal with the pain of relapse without the instant gratification first.
Of course, I'm going to do what I'm told (starting over in the big book, introducing myself as a newcommer for another 30 days, starting the 90/90 over) , but it sucks. Taking responsibillty sucks, in fact. But I'm going to do it.
I know i'm being whiny, but It's something I wanted to get off my chest.

trichr0me · 12-07-2007, 02:09 PM

The one positive thing i learned about relapses are that after you got high, you really don't enjoy it as much as you used to do and it makes you feel you got all those clean days for nothing...

Which in return gives you better motivation in the future to not relapse.. But hey it happens, it's a big part of recovery, if you have a solid sponser he will definitly help you keep this from happening in the future..

thanks!

trichr0me

Time2Surrender · 12-08-2007, 03:53 PM

Just get back on your recovery. Dont just read the book. Study it. And get busy on your steps.

tiburon88 · 12-17-2007, 12:21 AM

If you don't consider it a relapse then why start over?

GoldenGutters · 12-17-2007, 03:12 PM

Relapse is not a part of recovery, it's a part of the disease. In my thirteen plus years I've seen a lot of people go back out. Most end up homeless or they die. In fact, just recently someone who used to be a really good friend died, and died ugly. His last year he was one of those filth encrusted homeless people with full blown AIDS and Hep C and open running sores on his face and body. I wish I could say he is an isolated incident, but I attend meetings at a 'low bottom' hall and we've got 20+ homeless people who absolutely refuse to turn their will and their life over.

Haka · 12-17-2007, 05:18 PM

Yea bummer Nathanemile. There is no such thing as recovered, only recovery.
Yes, early recovery sucks. Yes It seems it is not fair. For me, it required hard work, full surrender, rigorous and thorough self honesty and working those steps till sometimes I wanted to throw up. Meetings, heaps of em till I get so sick and head f***ed I wanna kill some of the ppl in the group from sick resentments. An emotional roller coaster ride that blew my ego to bits, one painful jolt at a time until I was empty and broken.

BUT, here is the deal: It gets better, No BS. The broken emptyness is filled with peace, love, life. A life I never imagined or thought I could have. Seriously worth the effort a million times over.

Alternatively, I could go use. get seriously f***ed up, die a slow drawn out extremely demorolising and painful death in the company of strangers who couldn't care less about me.

Not convinced yet? Go use. No BS. Make your own comparison.

Sorry If that seems harsh mate. That is the reality of this disease, it takes no prisoners. It only kills, destroys, breaks, tears, rips, hurts. More and more and more. I have also been to to many funerals. I cry inside when I think about you Nat. Will you be another statistic? Or will you rise up and stand proudly with us in recovery? The choice is yours alone champ. I am sorry you are like me and have this disease. There is no cure. There is a spiritual solution but it hurts sometimes. I promise you with all that I am, using ultimately hurts more. Taking responsibility takes courage. I pray the courage you will need for this will be yours man.

nathanemile · 12-25-2007, 07:27 AM

Wow. Thanks for the support guys. Since I first made this thread, unfortuantly, I went out. big mistake. I felt 1000 times worse than before. Now, I'm back on and I really don't want to fall off again. I've turned my will and my life over to my Higher Power and I'm proud to be powerless. Otherwise I would've never done that.
I definatly don't wanna be a statistic, nor do I wanna add to the world's problems.
BTW, my real name is Matt. "Nathan Emile" is just my middle names. (why'd she give me two?.. personal reflection. lol)
Happy Holidays, everyone!

Time2Surrender · 12-25-2007, 09:45 AM

Glad your back man. Merry Christmas.

Fishman35 · 12-26-2007, 09:36 PM

Like my sponsor said to me many years ago when I would releapse. "Still got all your fingers and toes? Good, now let's get to work".

GHill · 01-13-2008, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nathanemile

I wasn't sure where to put this.
Anyway, last night I relapsed.. sort of.
Well, not really "sort of".
I took some codine to get high, but it didn't do anything. What I really wanted was beer, but there wasn't any.
My sponser was being a real ball buster about it, as he should be.
But, it's still not fair. Now I have to deal with the pain of relapse without the instant gratification first.
Of course, I'm going to do what I'm told (starting over in the big book, introducing myself as a newcommer for another 30 days, starting the 90/90 over) , but it sucks. Taking responsibillty sucks, in fact. But I'm going to do it.
I know i'm being whiny, but It's something I wanted to get off my chest.

Don't worry, life is a constant series of fall and climbs, its just that each time you fall you don't fall as much and you climb is a lot higher. Hang in there.

danielthree · 02-07-2008, 08:54 AM

GoldenGutters is basically saying; do everything MY way or..DIE! I don't find this to be persuasive or useful to a human in trouble. Saying you will die homeless, with AIDS and covered with running sores (if you don't agree with me) is simply the worst of "Scare-mongering."

bob_sapp · 02-07-2008, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Time2Surrender

Just get back on your recovery. Dont just read the book. Study it. And get busy on your steps.

Agreed. Do the 12 steps. Seriously.

CurioAndTheCat · 02-07-2008, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trichr0me

The one positive thing i learned about relapses are that after you got high, you really don't enjoy it as much as you used to do and it makes you feel you got all those clean days for nothing...

Absolutely true. I was completely sober for a month and when I finally found myself at the bottom of a bottle again (totally blacked out), I realized that the feelings afterwards weren't just a hangover and a headache... it was immense, all-consuming guilt. I felt like I had let down myself and everone who loves me. (Luckily, I do still have people that love me, though by all rights I should've lost them a long time ago.)

On a lighter note, hey all. I'm new here and sober for... two days. Hoping to make this year a totally sober one. (Chinese year, not our year, hah.)

11-04-2007, 11:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
nathanemile yeah, that guy Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Novato, CA Posts: 6	Relapsed I wasn't sure where to put this. Anyway, last night I relapsed.. sort of. Well, not really "sort of". I took some codine to get high, but it didn't do anything. What I really wanted was beer, but there wasn't any. My sponser was being a real ball buster about it, as he should be. But, it's still not fair. Now I have to deal with the pain of relapse without the instant gratification first. Of course, I'm going to do what I'm told (starting over in the big book, introducing myself as a newcommer for another 30 days, starting the 90/90 over) , but it sucks. Taking responsibillty sucks, in fact. But I'm going to do it. I know i'm being whiny, but It's something I wanted to get off my chest.

12-07-2007, 02:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
trichr0me Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: seattle Posts: 10	Hey! It happens.. The one positive thing i learned about relapses are that after you got high, you really don't enjoy it as much as you used to do and it makes you feel you got all those clean days for nothing... Which in return gives you better motivation in the future to not relapse.. But hey it happens, it's a big part of recovery, if you have a solid sponser he will definitly help you keep this from happening in the future.. thanks! trichr0me

12-17-2007, 03:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
GoldenGutters less hippo, more rabbit Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Concord, CA Posts: 1,809 Blog Entries: 1	Relapse is not a part of recovery, it's a part of the disease. In my thirteen plus years I've seen a lot of people go back out. Most end up homeless or they die. In fact, just recently someone who used to be a really good friend died, and died ugly. His last year he was one of those filth encrusted homeless people with full blown AIDS and Hep C and open running sores on his face and body. I wish I could say he is an isolated incident, but I attend meetings at a 'low bottom' hall and we've got 20+ homeless people who absolutely refuse to turn their will and their life over. __________________ 99% Bonobo, 1% trouble

12-26-2007, 09:36 PM	#9 (permalink)
Fishman35 Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Nashville TN Posts: 42	Like my sponsor said to me many years ago when I would releapse. "Still got all your fingers and toes? Good, now let's get to work". __________________ "And the truth shall set you free, but first it will tick you off"

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

12-08-2007, 03:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
Time2Surrender Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Washington State Posts: 7,263 Blog Entries: 7	Just get back on your recovery. Dont just read the book. Study it. And get busy on your steps.

12-17-2007, 12:21 AM	#4 (permalink)
tiburon88 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 774	If you don't consider it a relapse then why start over?

12-17-2007, 05:18 PM	#6 (permalink)
Haka Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Broken Hill, NSW Australia Posts: 4	Yea bummer Nathanemile. There is no such thing as recovered, only recovery. Yes, early recovery sucks. Yes It seems it is not fair. For me, it required hard work, full surrender, rigorous and thorough self honesty and working those steps till sometimes I wanted to throw up. Meetings, heaps of em till I get so sick and head f*ed I wanna kill some of the ppl in the group from sick resentments. An emotional roller coaster ride that blew my ego to bits, one painful jolt at a time until I was empty and broken. BUT, here is the deal: It gets better, No BS. The broken emptyness is filled with peace, love, life. A life I never imagined or thought I could have. Seriously worth the effort a million times over. Alternatively, I could go use. get seriously f*ed up, die a slow drawn out extremely demorolising and painful death in the company of strangers who couldn't care less about me. Not convinced yet? Go use. No BS. Make your own comparison. Sorry If that seems harsh mate. That is the reality of this disease, it takes no prisoners. It only kills, destroys, breaks, tears, rips, hurts. More and more and more. I have also been to to many funerals. I cry inside when I think about you Nat. Will you be another statistic? Or will you rise up and stand proudly with us in recovery? The choice is yours alone champ. I am sorry you are like me and have this disease. There is no cure. There is a spiritual solution but it hurts sometimes. I promise you with all that I am, using ultimately hurts more. Taking responsibility takes courage. I pray the courage you will need for this will be yours man.

12-25-2007, 07:27 AM	#7 (permalink)
nathanemile yeah, that guy Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Novato, CA Posts: 6	Wow. Thanks for the support guys. Since I first made this thread, unfortuantly, I went out. big mistake. I felt 1000 times worse than before. Now, I'm back on and I really don't want to fall off again. I've turned my will and my life over to my Higher Power and I'm proud to be powerless. Otherwise I would've never done that. I definatly don't wanna be a statistic, nor do I wanna add to the world's problems. BTW, my real name is Matt. "Nathan Emile" is just my middle names. (why'd she give me two?.. personal reflection. lol) Happy Holidays, everyone!

12-25-2007, 09:45 AM	#8 (permalink)
Time2Surrender Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Washington State Posts: 7,263 Blog Entries: 7	Glad your back man. Merry Christmas.

02-07-2008, 08:54 AM	#11 (permalink)
danielthree Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Vancouver BC Canada Posts: 19	GoldenGutters is basically saying; do everything MY way or..DIE! I don't find this to be persuasive or useful to a human in trouble. Saying you will die homeless, with AIDS and covered with running sores (if you don't agree with me) is simply the worst of "Scare-mongering."

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)