tough one for me - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Debaucher · 03-16-2007, 09:07 AM

I know if I am going to stay sober I need to talk to someone about my problems... I can't try to carry the burden alone... BUT I just don't know what to do... I can't talk to my wife about my issues... because it just hurts her... I feel I shouldn't talk to others about the issue because I feel like I am betraying my wife by revealing the issue... yet it is tearing me up...

I haven't slept much in the last 3 days... I fall asleep... sleep for 1-2 hours.. then toss and turn sleeping in 10-15 minute incriments until about 5:00 AM then I am so tired I the incriment picks up to 45 minutes to an hour... and the alarm goes off...

I realized last night that this issue was more of a problem with respect to my drinking than I thought... that I let this issue destroy me... tear me up... ruin what is good about me... (this issue has been festering for about 10 years)

anyways... looking for advice on how to deal with marital problems... how do you find the courage to share intimate details... Yesterday at AA somebody (I think quoting the BB) said something like, "once they admitted being and alcoholic they accepted they couldn't carry the burden of any problem alone... they had to share it and deal with it"

I guess I know I need to get this out... but I don't know how...

somebody also said they other day at an AA meeting...

"Church is for those afraid to go to hell. AA is for people who have been there!"

God help me... help me to get past this so I can be a good husband and father...

gimmeid · 03-16-2007, 01:57 PM

It's the alcohol, bud.

The big book would probably suggest discussing all this crap with someone who would understand without being personally affected.

Sooner or later your gonna have to cry uncle.
And depending on how screwed up the crap is your dealing with or into, it might not be a good idea vomiting it all over your poor wife. Us folks in the program have been there and done it, and could be better suited to dealing with a half-sober half-DTing nutcase than her.

"AA won't keep you outta hell or get you to heaven, it will keep you sober long enough to decide which you want."

Debaucher · 03-16-2007, 02:12 PM

No doubt... thanks gimmeid...

I know I can't talk to my wife about this.. .I tried 10 years ago and well... we both ended up pretty hurt...

I guess I have to accept that I either have to trust someone enough to talk to them about this problem... or I can go get drunk...

Hm... option 1 I might get past this and not have to feel this pain over and over again... or option 2... numb for awhile but the pain still there...

Why is it that my instinct still tells me option 2 sounds pretty good... DUH!

Oh well... starting tonight at midnight my home group is having 24 hour AA-athon... and I'll probably head up there later... and also call my sponsor and try to find someone to talk to ... I need to get this out.. .have a good cry...

I really regretted writting that post after I wrote it... like I was a big baby... and I needed to quit my whining... Oh well... I still feel like a wus for writing this... but I know I need to write this... I need to express my feelings...

thanks gimmeid

Time2Surrender · 03-17-2007, 08:16 AM

It gets better man. It really does. Hang in there.

noprob · 04-22-2007, 11:21 PM

My pride and ego (Edging God Out) will kill me,period.

It took me a lifetime to screw my life up,it sure ain't going to improve over night just because I quit (stopped) drinking/drugging/using,but it does get better.
Find a sponsor you can talk to,openly.
Steps 1,2 and 3 = I can't - He can - I think I'll let Him.

03-16-2007, 09:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
Debaucher Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Cleveland Ohio Posts: 274	tough one for me I know if I am going to stay sober I need to talk to someone about my problems... I can't try to carry the burden alone... BUT I just don't know what to do... I can't talk to my wife about my issues... because it just hurts her... I feel I shouldn't talk to others about the issue because I feel like I am betraying my wife by revealing the issue... yet it is tearing me up... I haven't slept much in the last 3 days... I fall asleep... sleep for 1-2 hours.. then toss and turn sleeping in 10-15 minute incriments until about 5:00 AM then I am so tired I the incriment picks up to 45 minutes to an hour... and the alarm goes off... I realized last night that this issue was more of a problem with respect to my drinking than I thought... that I let this issue destroy me... tear me up... ruin what is good about me... (this issue has been festering for about 10 years) anyways... looking for advice on how to deal with marital problems... how do you find the courage to share intimate details... Yesterday at AA somebody (I think quoting the BB) said something like, "once they admitted being and alcoholic they accepted they couldn't carry the burden of any problem alone... they had to share it and deal with it" I guess I know I need to get this out... but I don't know how... somebody also said they other day at an AA meeting... "Church is for those afraid to go to hell. AA is for people who have been there!" God help me... help me to get past this so I can be a good husband and father... __________________ --- I pray that I don't forget what it was like to be newly sober. ---

03-16-2007, 02:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
Debaucher Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Cleveland Ohio Posts: 274	No doubt... thanks gimmeid... I know I can't talk to my wife about this.. .I tried 10 years ago and well... we both ended up pretty hurt... I guess I have to accept that I either have to trust someone enough to talk to them about this problem... or I can go get drunk... Hm... option 1 I might get past this and not have to feel this pain over and over again... or option 2... numb for awhile but the pain still there... Why is it that my instinct still tells me option 2 sounds pretty good... DUH! Oh well... starting tonight at midnight my home group is having 24 hour AA-athon... and I'll probably head up there later... and also call my sponsor and try to find someone to talk to ... I need to get this out.. .have a good cry... I really regretted writting that post after I wrote it... like I was a big baby... and I needed to quit my whining... Oh well... I still feel like a wus for writing this... but I know I need to write this... I need to express my feelings... thanks gimmeid __________________ --- I pray that I don't forget what it was like to be newly sober. ---

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03-16-2007, 01:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
gimmeid AA Curmudgeon Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Arkansas Posts: 88	It's the alcohol, bud. The big book would probably suggest discussing all this crap with someone who would understand without being personally affected. Sooner or later your gonna have to cry uncle. And depending on how screwed up the crap is your dealing with or into, it might not be a good idea vomiting it all over your poor wife. Us folks in the program have been there and done it, and could be better suited to dealing with a half-sober half-DTing nutcase than her. "AA won't keep you outta hell or get you to heaven, it will keep you sober long enough to decide which you want."

03-17-2007, 08:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
Time2Surrender Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Washington State Posts: 7,263 Blog Entries: 7	It gets better man. It really does. Hang in there.

04-22-2007, 11:21 PM	#5 (permalink)
noprob Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Mountains of WV U.S.of A. Posts: 31	My pride and ego (Edging God Out) will kill me,period. It took me a lifetime to screw my life up,it sure ain't going to improve over night just because I quit (stopped) drinking/drugging/using,but it does get better. Find a sponsor you can talk to,openly. Steps 1,2 and 3 = I can't - He can - I think I'll let Him.

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