13 Stepping

[dontcareinmi]

Why do so many guys feel the need to hit on women in recovery programs?

[best]

Low self-esteem.

Lonely

Lustful

Lazy

Looney

Take your pick.

[dontcareinmi]

I spoke to a women the other day who is in patient and she said that every girl that came in the place was rated by the guys and some guy claimed her. A lot of girls only go to women AA meetings when they out as well because the males are such predators.

Guys - ur going to get sober not to get women

[subliminalurge]

To answer your question, I date women in recovery for two reasons. First, they understand me and my history better than a "normal" woman ever could. I have dated "normal" women since getting sober, and it seems they just can't or won't understand the amount of time I devote to AA. Women in recovery do understand it.

The second reason is purely a matter of practicality. I stay busy enough with my recovery these days that I very rarely meet anyone new, male or female, who is not a part of the recovery community.

[Mark F.]

We are sick people. Some never really get to working a good program.
Here about 6 months ago a guy walked up to his sponsor and shot him in the chest. I was not there but heard about it the next day. I call a good Friend and was talking to him about it and he replied " What did you expect" we some real head cases.
As far as sexual predators in meeting I have seem women do the same thing also.
AA in NOT the hot bed of mental health in this country.
I think the best I can ask for is to be helpfully to some and harmfully to NONE today.

Hugs Mark

[kojac]

By no means is this a good thing;yet it is of the upmost important for me to stay focus on the reason why it is that i'm there; but on the other side of the coin:for real,for real...this thing is about not putting durgs on top of whatever you might be allowing to go on in your life. At best I try not to make a habit of grabbing hold on other people stuff because it will of a surety keep me sick. seloth@.

[Signal30]

Guys 13th step, because were guys. We all check out attractive women in the program. It's acting on it that usually becomes the problem. AA is not a dating service. The last thing I need is to get involved with someone in the program, and take away my primary purpose.

[t-bear]

I think a lot of guys need to be with a woman in order to feel whole. Those first coming into the program especially are very vulnerable and haven't quite figured out the priorities they need to follow. When I was drinking I always sought our a relationship whether it was healthy or not, I see this in new comers around me. Yes I look, but I go to meeting in order to stay sober. I am also very lucky that I am married, certainly takes some of the temptation away!

[chris k]

A lot of girls only go to women AA meetings when they out as well because the males are such predators. (blanket statement)
Guys 13th step, because were guys.(BLANKET STATEMENT)
Low self-esteem.

Lonely

Lustful

Lazy

Looney

Take your pick. (Blanket Statement)
These three statements are prime examples of misandry. I dont find it strange to find them in a mens forum, because thats what we are being taught these days, to hate ourselves.
If you think Im wrong read " If men have all the power How come women make the rules?" by Jack Kramer
Most everyone wants someone to love and care for and we look at whats in front of us. yes people in AA have problems, so do people outside recovery. I met my wife in AA. we have been happily married almost 14 years. she's got 2 years on me in sobriety. We have a great marrige. I have never cheated on her. I have never called her a name in anger to her face. There is no violence in our home. Why? Because we treat each other with respect, love and tolerance. We both have sponsors, we use them. We put the 12 steps and more importantly the 12 TRADITIONS to work in our home. We both make an effort to not make blanket sexist statements.
Thats my opinion, I could be wrong>

[GlassPrisoner]

If you go to AA meetings to pick up on chicks.........

Well, you know the rest.

That said, there are attractive ladies at a lot of the meetings. Especially the ones that have a lot of program !

I consoder those who have spouses or SOs in the program lucky.

[best]

Originally Posted by chris k

Low self-esteem.

Lonely

Lustful

Lazy

Looney

Take your pick. (Blanket Statement)

I met my wife in AA. we have been happily married almost 14 years. she's got 2 years on me in sobriety. We have a great marrige.

Great that you do have a good marriage. I know it takes effort and hard work at times to keep it that way as well. 31 years here but I can only say the past 6 have been great years. The other 25 had good and some not so good in the mix.
I guess my wording should have said... Take what fits rather then take your pick and the looney ...well I shouldn't be disrespectful even when trying to be a wise a.
But the others would fit. Not all at the same time but based on where a person is in recovery, we each could have been at any one along the path of growth in our recovery.
I guess the question gets asked because it happens and people would like to see it stopped. There is a time and a place for dates and a meeting shouldn't be it. Coffee after or maybe an AA dance and in the best interest of both...after a good length of recovery and growth has been collected.

Maybe the better question would be...
It happens...What do you do about it or what should you do about it?

[mikel60]

Three Fingered Pete, an old school AA-er, gave me this sage advice about dating AA women when I first came around, "Reach into a bag of nuts, what do you pull out?" Point taken.

[Sober_John]

Originally Posted by dontcareinmi

Why do so many guys feel the need to hit on women in recovery programs?

But it is ok to meet someone at Church? Where is the best place to meet someone?

[Gmoney]

I'm not sure if there's ever been a study done on male sexual behavior in recovery programs (hehehe), so the best I can offer is an opinion. Having been around for a while now, I must say that this tends to be a very hot topic - depending on your social cirlce - and some folks can get downright pissed off about it. There's a guy in my local fellowship that believes any guy that gets involved with a woman who has less than a year clean should automatically be labeled a predator. I, personally, do my best to shy away from global generalizations or stereotypes because I've found that recovery is a personal process that hinges on the individuals degree of sickness and desire to recover. I'm inclined to believe that sexual attraction and sexual behavior doesn't disappear because we get clean, so that may be one reason. I mean, we don't cease to be human or become angels just because we're trying to live the program. I also hope that no one takes my words as a defense of the predator, because I certainly view anyone who intentionally takes advantage of the feelings or vulnerability of the opposite sex to be lower than low. Some guys (not all) are just overly aggressive like that and they'll hit on women no matter where they're at. I just think that (regardless of clean time or other external factors) most people have a deeply-rooted desire to be wanted and loved by someone and very often they settle for sex out of haste. I'm grateful that I followed the suggestion of abstaining from sex or relationships in my 1st year.

[best]

Originally Posted by GarryW

most people have a deeply-rooted desire to be wanted and loved by someone and very often they settle for sex out of haste.

Good point.

I would think more so when we are at our lowest just after hitting bottom.
Still though...what to do about it? Sex police? Would require taking another's inventory.

One of those problems that we just do our best to educate others about is the best answer I guess.

[no-pipedreams]

13 stepping!
not given into some of those flirt s nearly cost me my soberity....HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE AN IGNORED WOMEN
trust me on that one!

[Getoverit]

Just say NO to ANY new relationship in your first year of recovery........What part of that suggestion don't you understand???