Whenhopeislost

I have an obsessive personality. When I first discovered weed at the age of 13 I experienced a high I have never been able to recreate with any other substance and thanks to that I've been hooked ever since. It calms me down, it improves my appetite, makes everything fun. I love Mary Jane, she's my Go-to-Gal. Just last year I was protesting my love for this drug to my friends & family and proclaiming I would be a weed smoker for life. These days I realize how much weed has robbed me of myself. I use to be a fun adventurous happy go lucky person and slowly but surely weed has made me boring, sleepy, tierd, fat, lazy, ugly, sad, isolated, crazy, dumb, and addicted. The longest break I have taken from weed in the past 3 years has been three days straight. I smoke as soon as I wake up before getting outta bed to start my day. I smoke while I get ready(makeup,hair) i smoke before I eat, after I eat, before I workout, after I workout, when I'm sick, when I'm sad, when I'm happy, before bed and twice as much on holidays. A big chunk of my life revolves around getting, using and thinking about weed. I have tried so hard to quit and the reason why I can't is beacuse all and I mean ALL the people i live with smokes weed. My sister, my boyfriend, and any person I generally get along with smokes weed. I've surrounded myself with list of things to self medicate with. I drink and do drugs of which marijuana is the mildest to say the least but it's my biggest problem because I can't seem to go a whole week without weed. This morning I smoked what I hope to be my last bowl for a period of three months. I'm hoping I will discover how to use in moderation (since I can't imagine living the rest if my life without weed) so that I can still enjoy it once or twice a month. I do not want to alienate myself forming my pot smoking boyfriend whom I live with, so the whole "don't hang out with people who use" doesn't work for me. I want to be able to be strong enough to see weed and not have to smoke it. I know my boyfriend will help me by not smoking around me so I am prepared and ready and I hope that today is the start of my brand new life ! Please feel free to comment your experiences and if you are on the same road to redemption as me let's do this together because I got no one that's trying to quit with me and it's a hard and lonely road :,(

Nico17

Thanks for posting! Today I registered for SR and this is my first post. I'm also on day one of sobriety. Ironically, I did not smoke a ton of weed as a teenager or even in my 20s. I'm almost 47 now and I've been a very heavy smoker for roughly twelve years. As a filmmaker and video editor who works from the house, it has always been very easy for me to smoke pretty much whenever I want. While pot has undoubtedly given me countless moments of creative insights, the long arc of use and addiction has always kept me from being nearly as productive as I could be.
Last night, I purchased four joints and and an eighth. When I got home, I couldn't for the life of me find the bag of weed that I HAD JUST BOUGHT. I don't know where it went (I was of sound mind when I purchased it) but it simply vanished. Maybe I left it on the roof of the car? In any event, I woke up this morning and realized that if I really wanted to get high as usual, I would have to go out and blow even more money on something that in my heart of hearts I don't even want.
This feels like the day. So, I'll be happy to quit with you, WhenHopeIsLost!

lynnmarie123

Welcome to the forum, WHIL and Nico.
This is a great place to learn and share. I find the daily accountability very helpful when quitting.
Stay close and post often. With SR's help, I've quit both booze and pot.

mm1741

Hi whenhopeislost. I do hope you are still hanging around. I want to be totally honest with you, because your situation is something I can really relate to. It seems you may have crossed the 'line' that marks the end of social use and the beginning of the nightmare of addiction.
Unfortunately, there is no going back from that point. Believe me (and us, here on the forums), I tried for years and years. We, as addicts, tend to structure our lives around getting high whether we are aware of it or not. Our living situations, our friends, social groups, partners/lovers are chosen based on whether or not they allow our addiction(s) to continue to thrive.
Recovery demands serious changes in our lives, at least as much effort as we put in to getting high. That said, it is worth it. People CAN change.
Please understand I am NOT trying to seem negative. I just really relate to your post and my heart truly goes out to your situation. I know how hopeless it feels.
Stick around and keep posting. We are all here for you, and we know the pain and despair you are feeling.

lynnmarie123

Well said mm. I totally agree. Once the line is crossed, there is no going back to the occasional toke. One toke at Christmastime lead to six months of constant use. There is no moderation for addicts.

Dee74

Welcome Whenhopeislost and welcome to you as well Nico

I agree with the advice here. I smoked for decades, most of that daily, and altho quitting was not easy it was far from impossible.


I did have to make some pretty major changes to my life tho cos my life was all about smoking weed - I tried being around smokers, I tired just smoking socially but I always ended up smoking a quarter in the dark by the light of the TV....

I think we make it immeasurably harder on ourselves if we try and stick to staying clean in a smokers life.

D