After 18 months, relapse?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1
After 18 months, relapse?
First off, a bit of my background. I've been free from drug use (other than my suboxone which is at .125mg) for over 18 months. I'm active in NA and AA, sponsor 2 people and stay current with my sponsor. I'm engaged in service work, have a full time job and am developing a social support network around me. I've worked my steps and behave for the most part with principled actions.
Lately (last 2 months or so) I've been craving Marijuana and I've begun to come up reasons why smoking wouldn't be a bad idea, however step 1 tells me all hell breaks loose. Not just that, but from my experience I've not been successful with just Marijuana use as it always leads somewhere else.
My relationship with pot was for the most part a love-hate sort of coupling. Once my drug use breached into meth and heroin, smoking pot seemed to reveal the truth behind my situation. My life was falling apart and I never wanted to see that. The only times I'd smoke, were when I had been up for days and the anxiety from meth became intolerable and my subs weren't assisting. Then and only then would I take a hit.
Life is complex, and even addiction prone behaviors carry its tradition. Step one tells me once I pick up that first drug I'm ****** eventually, and the totality is wonderful for many. With suboxone however, I'm reminded everyday that that's not necessarily the case. I take it as prescribed and have even chosen, discussed and reduced my intake. I've find shades of gray everywhere, and have met many people who have developed a regiment that works for them which isn't necessarily condoned by fellowships.
So if anyone has input to share, I'd be grateful.
Lately (last 2 months or so) I've been craving Marijuana and I've begun to come up reasons why smoking wouldn't be a bad idea, however step 1 tells me all hell breaks loose. Not just that, but from my experience I've not been successful with just Marijuana use as it always leads somewhere else.
My relationship with pot was for the most part a love-hate sort of coupling. Once my drug use breached into meth and heroin, smoking pot seemed to reveal the truth behind my situation. My life was falling apart and I never wanted to see that. The only times I'd smoke, were when I had been up for days and the anxiety from meth became intolerable and my subs weren't assisting. Then and only then would I take a hit.
Life is complex, and even addiction prone behaviors carry its tradition. Step one tells me once I pick up that first drug I'm ****** eventually, and the totality is wonderful for many. With suboxone however, I'm reminded everyday that that's not necessarily the case. I take it as prescribed and have even chosen, discussed and reduced my intake. I've find shades of gray everywhere, and have met many people who have developed a regiment that works for them which isn't necessarily condoned by fellowships.
So if anyone has input to share, I'd be grateful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington state
Posts: 571
"Lately (last 2 months or so) I've been craving Marijuana and I've begun to come up reasons why smoking wouldn't be a bad idea"
This is your AV talking. Don't listen. Kick it in the teeth and walk away.
" from my experience I've not been successful with just Marijuana use as it always leads somewhere else."
Why would you want to go back to the way you were? That does not sound like a pleasant way of life. Keep playing the tape right to the end. Do you want to end up there again? How many times do we have to be kicked in the head before we back away from the mad donkey?
I hope your cravings subside. 18 months is amazing!
Wishing you the best.
This is your AV talking. Don't listen. Kick it in the teeth and walk away.
" from my experience I've not been successful with just Marijuana use as it always leads somewhere else."
Why would you want to go back to the way you were? That does not sound like a pleasant way of life. Keep playing the tape right to the end. Do you want to end up there again? How many times do we have to be kicked in the head before we back away from the mad donkey?
I hope your cravings subside. 18 months is amazing!
Wishing you the best.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I fell for the 'pots not that bad' line for 30 years....
but for me it was as bad as anything else I ever got hooked on - the same obsession, the same insane quest for oblivion.the same escaping reality, the same ducking responsibilities, lying, cheating, even stealing.
Also left me with some pretty crappy lungs for a 50 yo.
I think the fact that you're using your positive subs experience to think about using pot again is positive proof your addicted self is alive and well.
I'd really run this one by your sponsor or NA buddies.
D
but for me it was as bad as anything else I ever got hooked on - the same obsession, the same insane quest for oblivion.the same escaping reality, the same ducking responsibilities, lying, cheating, even stealing.
Also left me with some pretty crappy lungs for a 50 yo.
I think the fact that you're using your positive subs experience to think about using pot again is positive proof your addicted self is alive and well.
I'd really run this one by your sponsor or NA buddies.
D
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