Recovering addict with a 19 year old addicted son. Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 4
Recovering addict with a 19 year old addicted son. Help
I am a addict in recovery for 2yrs. I recently found out that my 19yr. old has been smoking and possibly selling pot. This began slowly about a year ago. Now he has been kicked out of the house (trying to teach him a lesson). Big mistake! He is staying with my sister and has to leave her house because of smoking, possibly dealing, and being disrespectful. I told him to come home and we would deal with this, but he doesn't want to. I have asked my NA family what I should do and they say let him go and he will learn. Well, I did let him go and it only got worse. Please help a recovering Mom.
Last edited by Liberty78; 07-23-2017 at 11:03 AM. Reason: Misspelled a word
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington state
Posts: 571
I wish I had some wise words to say, but I don't.
I only know that the desire to quit had to come from within. There was nothing anyone could have said that would get me to quit.
Is he aware you are an addict yourself?
I only know that the desire to quit had to come from within. There was nothing anyone could have said that would get me to quit.
Is he aware you are an addict yourself?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 4
He has been aware for
a long time. He has even tagged along to NA meetings with me. He was so proud and we were so close. Now we hardly speek and he is so disrespectful and defensive. He knows how hard the road of addiction is as well as the road to recovery. He started hanging out with new friends and going down fast.
a long time. He has even tagged along to NA meetings with me. He was so proud and we were so close. Now we hardly speek and he is so disrespectful and defensive. He knows how hard the road of addiction is as well as the road to recovery. He started hanging out with new friends and going down fast.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: CT
Posts: 128
I am so sorry for your struggle, Liberty. Like lynnmarie, i wish i had some magic words or formula that would give you some clear path to follow. I always hate saying this, but your NA group is correct in letting him go. I know how terribly painful it is to hear that, but an addict has to WANT to stop in order for any meaningful change to take place. Have you thought about attending al anon? Or perhaps posting on the Friends and Family of addicts subforum here?
Please take care of yourself.
Please take care of yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,358
Hi and welcome liberty.
I'm really sorry for what brings you here, but I know you'll find support.
The Al Anon ideal of letting people go is meant to help both you and your son.
It's really hard to do I know, and if he finds other people to enable him things can get worse.
If he doesn't want to come home, I'm not sure there's much you can do about that.
I really hope he, like many of us here, will have a moment of clarity soon and see what he's doing to himself and his loved ones.
D
I'm really sorry for what brings you here, but I know you'll find support.
The Al Anon ideal of letting people go is meant to help both you and your son.
It's really hard to do I know, and if he finds other people to enable him things can get worse.
If he doesn't want to come home, I'm not sure there's much you can do about that.
I really hope he, like many of us here, will have a moment of clarity soon and see what he's doing to himself and his loved ones.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
Yea 19 is a tough age and weed is a tough drug to recognize personal problems with.
I'd hesitate to say that it got worse when you let him go. For one, he may have been worse off than you realized when he was still living under your roof. When I was 19 (not long ago) I was a complete mess, and my parents legitimately had little to no idea. And two, getting kicked out of the house will be another notch in his track record that he can look back on when he decides to do some serious self reflection. If he's selling, he needs to go. You have to protect yourself legally. If he has weed around knowing you're in recovery, he needs to go. You have to protect yourself recovery wise, and bringing drugs into your living environment knowing your history is just a big middle finger to you IMO.
It does sound like he is somewhat self-aware though, given the fact that he has gone to NA meetings with you. Hopefully he'll come to realize the meaningless void that drugs provide sooner rather than later.
I'd hesitate to say that it got worse when you let him go. For one, he may have been worse off than you realized when he was still living under your roof. When I was 19 (not long ago) I was a complete mess, and my parents legitimately had little to no idea. And two, getting kicked out of the house will be another notch in his track record that he can look back on when he decides to do some serious self reflection. If he's selling, he needs to go. You have to protect yourself legally. If he has weed around knowing you're in recovery, he needs to go. You have to protect yourself recovery wise, and bringing drugs into your living environment knowing your history is just a big middle finger to you IMO.
It does sound like he is somewhat self-aware though, given the fact that he has gone to NA meetings with you. Hopefully he'll come to realize the meaningless void that drugs provide sooner rather than later.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
