Windytown4

I am going back sober today after 2 days of smoking. I know it will be a rough patch at first. My brain feels thick dumb and sludgy and I already have strong cravings from just smoking 2 days.

But I see that whatever I do creates more of itself and I want to be working on my fitness clearness and health right now rather than growing another MJ monster to constantly feed inside my body. So here goes.

Windytown4

so today is all about cravings for pot. Massive epic cravings hitting me like a ton of bricks incessantly! This is what happens to me when I even smoke once! In this case I smoked for two days, got rid of it, and am back to sober again. I am gonna ride out the craving and know they will diminish but it is intense! I do like the feeling of being high- but the reality of it is this constant attention on fixing the jonse, feeding the MJ monster in order to sustain the high, coupled with massive constant cravings so all in all not worth the high. I am not saying I will never smoke again. but I know I have to keep away from it for now.
I did a yoga class this morning and I think I will be able to start working out at the gym tomorrow.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back WT. Hopefully thats the last time you have to remind yourself.

Maybe you can bookmark this thread?

D

happycampers

yes, really great to see you back on the healthy train again with us, Windy. In a couple of days, you'll feel much better - just hang tight and whatever you have to do to get threw these next few days, do it ! Even if that means sleeping more than usual, eating more than usual, whatever. Try and get out for a walk each day in the fresh air. Happy to see you back with us !

teodor

Keep at it and don't go back to the pit, Windytown!
Great to see you back!

Windytown4

thanks, everyone!

Windytown4

second day off pot after my two day binge. My brain still feels sludgy and slow. And I feel depressed and unmotivated and blah. and still craving and thinking about pot a lot.

Also I saw my Chinese doctor last week and he has been telling me to not have coffee or chocolate or caffeine for a long while now, because he says it makes my lungs worse with my particular illness. I have totally quit coffee other than a few sips here and there for about 4 months. And I had stopped chocolate for a few months but had added it back in about a month or two ago when I started to improve in my health.
This week he told me I need to be 100% off coffee and chocolate for 9 months-- and that if I have even one slip up , it resets the clock and I need to do nine months form that point! bummer. He says the babesia in my blood which causes my lungs to get restricted, gets activated more by the caffeine- and it triggers the whole thing to get worse. so wow- I had been dealing ok with no coffee, but like to have the occasional sip of my husbands. But I do love chocolate, so that is a whole other level of discipline I am needing to cultivate!

Windytown4

I worked out at the gym today! For the first time. This has been a long term goal of mine. I am proud of myself and I loved it. I did 8 different weight machines. I also did a short time on the treadmill. I will be going back tomorrow and I love it!
Still craving pot but less than yesterday.

Dee74

I'm really glad you're on the road back to full health Windy

D

happycampers

way to go hitting the gym, Windy ! You'll feel much better tomorrow morning because of it ! Keep it rollin ..... you're out of the ditch and back on the Sanity Highway.

teodor

Yeah, hitting the gym is AWESOME! Keep going at it.
I'm proud of you for being back on the road!

happycampers

seems what happened to you Windy is common as far as having a relapse.
Thought I would post this information I found elsewhere, but thought might be handy for others here :

Stage 1 of course is withdrawal/detox. This takes one to two weeks or more depending on many factors like how long you used and how much. The drug leaves your system gradually and you feel pretty ******, may have withdrawal symptoms.
Stage 2 is the honeymoon. You've been clean for a few weeks and you feel better because your brain is producing extra dopamine to make up for the absence of the drug. A lot of people feel, falsely, that they have kicked their addiction at this point. This can last from 2 to 4 months.
Stage 3 is the wall. This is where the dopamine surge ends and you kind of go back to feeling ******, maybe even as bad as when you first quit. You have good days and bad days but this is a common time to relapse because people want to feel good again. This is from 4-6 months.
Stage 4 is acceptance and a final normalizing of your brain chemistry getting you gradually back to where you were before you used. Just like everyone else you'll have ups and downs and hopefully by this point a good system in place to keep you on a healthy oath. This is from 6 months up to a year
Stage 5 is everything after and maintaining long term sobriety through a network of friends, resources, healthy habits etc.

Windytown4

Thanks everyone for your support and for holding me accountable. I did a great yoga class also yesterday. right now yoga and exercise seem to be the things that are giving me the feel good feelings. And it is almost gardening season which is my #1 joy though also a big trigger for pot. But having just done the two day relapse I do not feel romantic or drawn to it right now, just drawn to getting healthy. I am headed back to the gym again today for my # 2 go at it!

I hope you all are doing well too.

Windytown4

just updating here for my own sake-- I am oversharing these days. But I made it back to the gym again today. So proud. And I upped the workout a bit from the first day. I want to take it slow and steady and keep building it up to a stronger workout.
Still craving pot all day but not as intensely as the day after I smoked.

happycampers

Most addicts relapse at Stage 2/3. They feel good again and falsely believe they can moderate, so they light up to "reward" themselves. They tell themselves it's only going to be this one time, or maybe they are going to do it on weekends only. They tell themselves it's going to be different this time and they are not really addicts because they can "prove" to themselves that they are able to quit for one or two weeks.

Windytown4

I am not sure how to count my days at this point. I like to count, it helps keep me motivated. I am on day 4 since I smoked- but as you know 5 months of sobriety prior to that with 2 days off. So I could say day 4, I could say 5 months and 4 days ( minus 2). I definitely want to give myself credit for the 5 months I just did and not set myself back to day one.
On another note I went to the gym again today- third day in a row. I love it. I am planning to go tomorrow too. I did a longer session of weights and a more intense treadmill, which is still not much , meaning I mostly walked but today added in short intervals of running.
Still craving pot.

happycampers

personally, I would go with 5months and 2 days, with one minor slip that I learnt not to repeat again - jmho.

Windytown4

Thanks HappyCampers! that is definitely a more optimistic way to thin of it. So I am 5 months and 4 days (minus 2) today. and I went to the gym for the 4th day in a row! go me! And my husband is just now headed to the gym for the first time ever-- inspired by me . He has an active job and so uses his body a lot but he has never worked out in a gym- but seeing how much I love it he is trying it. He is not a smoker, btw.

Dee74

Mine is probably a conservative view.

For me if I relapsed, I'd have been in active addiction again, so I'd start again at day one.

The danger for me of counting five months and 2 days for example is that 5 months and 3 days or 4 days is not that much different...

I could rationalise anything...it would leave the door open for possibly more slips along the way.

That's what I would do.
What you or anyone else would do is up to you

D

Windytown4

5th day in a row at the gym! wowza! I will probably take a day off of it tomorrow but hopefully fit in a yoga class. Kinda using the gym as my new endorphin high. Plus I really want to get fit.
still craving pot but much less.